He’s right – and here is why….
Apparently it’s true…
I’ve got over the angst ridden part of being told I’m not the type to have an affair, it still riles me though, especially the bit about there being a type of woman who does have affairs *stomps feet* and the implication that perhaps I’m not sexy enough or wild enough to do it… *smarts fury* *breathes* and of course since last Sunday I’ve been analysing myself, working it through, trying to see why it might be true – I’m a Scorpio, we do this.
So, what have I discovered?
Well, I stand by my initial diagnosis, with the right man at the right time I could all too easily be attracted to someone enough to have an affair. Although I’m often in despair of what I see in the mirror I’ve always been the type of woman with a bedside manner which demands much nakedness and I’m not adverse to the idea of a new fella seeing my body *quakes* not the right fella… So, I’m physically capable of it, lust driven in the heat of passion with sexy kissing and lovely big hands stroking my skin and fondling my breasts, Mmmmm.
I’m not sure it’s the guilt angle, I’m very good at compartmentalising my life, I’ve always done it, I’m sure if it felt right, it wouldn’t be wrong…
So what changed my mind?
This morning someone told me I’m always putting other people first, caring for people and yes, I have always been a people person. I hate to see others hurt, to think I have caused hurt and I also hate to feel hurt myself, although this does happen in the course of putting others first too bloody frequently. You see the thing is, I’m not sure I could have sex with someone now without feeling some emotional attachment because they would have to be a pretty special kind of man. In my 20’s it was almost all too easy, in fact I always felt I had quite a male approach to sex, positive detachment, it’s served me well. I often sit and snicker to myself at some flash back or other from then, no regrets. 😉 but now I’m not so sure… So my idle fantasies of having lovers are perhaps not as attainable as I’d once thought, even if my partner had agreed. Is it a mind-set I could acquire with an open and honest approach to the situation, should it occur? Because, honestly, if there were someone who was that special, how do you walk away? How do you be that close to them and then stop being with them? Not long to touch them or hold them… Hurt yourself and them over and over by walking away from each other again and again….
It’s hard. Too hard and very hurtful.
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