I’m in a strange space. My head is empty, my heart is heavy. I feel like a vast mass of nothingness stretching out to eternity. I am a created masterpiece and yet a blank canvas.
It seems ironic that my friends have on occasions expressed an opinion that I am wise. I apparently offer wisdom and encourage thought. One wishes this would bring comfort to ones self. It doesn’t, it’s just a tease at my inability to know what I should do to feel better, to feel complete. I’ve been trying to think what I would say to someone else feeling similar; The conclusion was I would tell them to Write; to discover, to explore, to express. I write, it’s what I do beyond being a Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter. When people ask me what I ‘do’ I have to bite back the response ‘I’m a writer’ and answer ‘I’m a mother’. Perhaps it’s this denial that makes me feel a lack of foundation, sadly it’s this world that makes it so, because of what I choose to write.
So amongst reasons in deciding to start writing here again is the need for self-expression. I am a sexual woman, I think about sex more than the average man, although perhaps not the physical mechanics, more the emotional/mental semantics of it all. When I started writing here it was a release, I enjoyed the bright colour and thrill it brought to my life. I miss that. I no longer have the shroud of anonimity but those that now know who I am can be trusted. I am grasping to the hope that this will allow me free reign with my train of thought. I don’t know, I’m a very private person.
A lot of this blog is humorous, I have really enjoyed re reading it, is it wrong to laugh at the way I see the world? Perhaps. I like to laugh, it can make or break a day. But I’m in a different place now than last May, a different place from February too… I don’t know how this is going to go.
So, my plans for this tiny corner of the interwebs? I need a space to vent and muse, shout, cry, get horny, lustful, naughty and sometimes just write. Stay, read, enjoy or not… If not, move on.
I encourage others to express themselves too but people often feel trepidicious about writing a blog or admitting to feeling sexual needs, so I’m offering a page to anyone who wants to muse on moonbeams, scribble fiction or vent, paint pictures, take photos… They can find a home here. (at my discretion).
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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here.