I know… I’m not supposed to be here but as a Life blogger who thinks too much about sex my mind just won’t let me rest sometimes until I vent a little (still waiting for someone to call me out on the ‘not a sex blogger’ thing ūüėČ ) so I’m venting…¬†It’s probably because today I’m without my usual joyful method of procrastination and the fact that I’ve been reading too much about it recently but I can help letting my mind wander over the subject of cock… Shame ain’t it.

A man’s penis is the¬†appendage that often, his whole world will revolve around, physically and mentally. Often without them realising the extent of it’s influence. ¬†I love cock… you may have noticed. Nothing is more sexy than a man in a sharp suit with a throbbing hard on, looking at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman on earth, his eyes begging me to undress him and be undressed. Makes me clench just thinking about it and that’s before any physical contact has¬†occurred. I’m a Man-Fan, rough cold hands, eye twinkling¬†filthiness, wonderful strong arms… ¬†In fact, I have been called the only straight female ‘sex blogger’ because of my appreciation of maleness… (Not that given the opportunity of some guilt free, no ties pussy eating, I wouldn’t have a go because I probably would, I’m just not bi-curious enough to go seek it out, instigate it or except an invitation.) …so when I was asked to write a review about a book on blow jobs I giggled and agreed. It seems every sex blogger all over the world has been asked to review this book so most of you will know which it is, I’m still waiting to hear back from the author on a point in issue, so I’ll just point out this is not the review… but it has made me think more about¬†manliness, cock,¬†blow-jobs, why I enjoy giving them and I can sum up for you exactly what gets my blood pumping, why I enjoy lavishing attention on his cock so much in one word.


You want to put your cock where? In my mouth? With all my teeth? Of course I won’t use them on you darling unless you would like me too! But I could… couldn’t I… and you want my hands too, stroking your shaft and massaging your balls? How about I suck your balls gently too? All three? My pleasure…. ¬†And that is where the power comes from, I won’t, but I could and that is my choice, not yours…

Excuse me for getting a kick out of that but perhaps it’s a kink of mine, I love to suck cock, relishing loving attention and devotion on your member and I will enjoy it endlessly, the texture, the shape, the taste, Mmmm… yes I bloody will… but it’s on my terms, I get to be in Control and that’s the rule.

Is that so wrong of me?

Control is a major issue for me, I am a control freak , my personal boundaries are pretty wide but I don’t like to be pushed, nudged gently perhaps and I may push them myself; but again, that’s my choice. Too many times in my life I have not been in control of the direction I’ve been travelling, I’ve been trodden on and treated badly, not in control of my own destiny and unlike some people who seem content to let life push them about, I’m a feisty wench and I will fight back. ¬†Being treated with respect, communication and having a choice are all such huge issues with me they affect my every waking moment. ¬†In my relationships and my friendships I expect a bond of trust, a knowledge of boundaries and mutual understanding and I often look for this in other peoples relationships too, I like to see a balance. ¬†So often that is exactly what I fail to see and that saddens me.

However, this control and trust are never more apparent then during a blow job… no matter how rough it might get, how deep he sinks his cock down my throat, he trusts me with his most precious, beautiful penis and I trust him not to fuck my face mindlessly like a gagging ragdoll fuck toy…

Because that is not something I can be.


TMI Tuesday: Hoo Doo that Voodoo?

Happy TMI Tuesday.

Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.

Okay… First the disclaimer… ¬†I’m a married woman, married to a man whom would probably say I should only be thinking about doing any of the below listed with him… Well we do play Naked Wii, I do love him, he pushes my buttons alright, rims and plays with my ass, showers with me, undresses me, obviously I can’t elope with him we are already married… So just in case this is one of those rare¬†occasions¬†he reads my drivel… Dear Mr.Beam… Yes I know, this is FANTASY okay?! Doesn’t mean I want it to happen just that it tickles my nipples to dream every so often FFS ūüėČ Love Me.

Now I can see you all rolling your eyes if you haven’t read this post, dear readers, I’ve been here before ūüėČ

I have mixed some real people in with the celebs here, I hope it makes them smile ūüėČ

*ahem* as you were… ¬†

Who or Who(m) do you want to:

1. Play naked twister with? 

Salma Hayek, @usitas and Colin Firth. My twitter pal Usitas and I both have an appreciation for the lovely Salma and I’d love a shot at Mr Firth, all limbs twisting and mouths open, tongues at the ready, go! It would be amazing to join in and watch this fun…¬†

2. Love?

Writes for Her, he’s the type of man I could never get bored of, intriguing, filthy,¬†intelligent¬†and so lovely. ¬†

3. Excites you beyond belief?

an R8, this lust affair continues, probably because it’s unrequited and so not in my league. I see an R8 and I’m instantly horny, wet knickers, biting lip, dilating pupils, the works…¬†

4. Enjoy ass play with?

My Twister pals 

5. Shower with?

Nobody does a shower like my pal @Bluelagoon27 I can honestly say THAT was the night I laughed most in my entire life!! She had the fellas lining up ready to ‘sort them out’ with her¬†loofah! What a woman!¬†

6. Undress?

Any tall dark handsome man in a dinner suit… how easy am I! I love formal dinner wear (Especially Scottish) Mmmm *drifts off*

7. Rim?

See 4

8. Elope with?

I’m not sure I’d do marriage again…

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?

This has never happened to me, I’m not sure I’d want to wake up in someones arms… I get so hot when I sleep that I tend to toss and turn so I think sleeping in someones arms would make me feel constricted, it’s one of those¬†romantic¬†notions that in practice is not so comfortable at all!! Unless you would like to prove me wrong.¬†

There is someone I’d like to wake up next to and then slip into his sleepy arms… #nottelling¬†

How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog).

Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday: The Cock Edition

All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.

1. What‚Äôs more important ‚Äď length or width? Why?

Mmmmm *dribbles* well there is a good argument¬†for the¬†benefits¬†of both, long and thin hits the inside wall of the vagina in just. such. a. good. way… ¬†But width fills so wonderfully, every thrust and movement is divine… Why choose?¬†

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?

Sadly no… only sadly because I’d love to try a whopper to see what all the fuss is about, I’m not a size queen but I’m curious…

3. Best place to put a penis?

A hot dog bun? Mustard optional…

Don’t wince, I’m kidding…¬†

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?

I’d play with it! Lots! Until it got sore and fell off! Including fucking anything that moved… I’m assuming that my brain would relocated for 24 hours too…

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?

Name? No it doesn’t have a name… In life, you don’t always need to know, no names no pack drill, you get my drift?

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click

I’ll take Italy, the alps preferably *waxes skis* not the lube you had in mind?

How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog).

Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

Welcome 2012!

Well hey there! Happy New Year and welcome (back). Good to see you x

As usual, there is a lot of chat around this New Year about resolutions, I don’t usually indulge, however I have this year on a rather large scale and some of these resolutions are going to have a knock on effect on my Internet¬†usage. ¬†Basically, I’m not going to be here or on Twitter so much.

You may not notice, I’ve never been a prolific blogger but I thought a heads up was due anyway.

Thanks for reading.



Guest Post: Office Rules by Mick Collins

Office Rules
by Mick Collins

She walked into the office, her heels clicking as she walked. As she reached me we kissed.

“God it’s good to see you.”

“Shhh” and she put her finger over my lips. She turned around and¬†closed the office door. As she walked back she took off her jacket
and tossed it on couch. She pulled out the chair in front of my desk and sat down in front of me. She had a tan skirt that crept up past
her knees as she crossed her legs. My eyes trailed up her legs to her white blouse that was unbuttoned just enough to see a little. A
little higher up I notice she was smiling at me. “Like what you see?”

“Of course I do.”

“Show me.”

“Show you what?”

She leaned forward and said deliberately. “Show. me. that. you. like.¬†this.” Her manicured hand traced a line down her shirt and popped
open another button.

“Uhh… um, how do you, I mean, what can I do to show you?”

“Drop your pants.” I glanced at the door. It was shut, but not¬†locked. “Go on…”

I slipped my shoes off and undid my belt. I unbuttoned my pants and they fell to the floor. Standing there in front of her in only my
boxer-briefs she could clearly see my erection.

“NOW I know you like it. The cock doesn’t lie.” She stood up and¬†walked around me. Standing behind me she whispered in my ear. “take
them off.” I swallowed hard, closed my eyes and slid my underwear¬†down my legs. She reached around and slid her fingers down my
erection. “Mmmm… I like that.”

She walked around back in front of me and turned around. Looking over¬†her shoulder she said “Unzip me.” I quickly reached out to unzip her¬†and she quickly slapped my hand. “What did I teach you last time?¬†What’s the proper way to undo my zippers?” I blushed furiously and¬†knelt down so that her ass was right in my face. I reached out with¬†my teeth and grabbed hold of her zipper and pulled down. Her skirt¬†fell around her feel revealing her red panties.

She kicked the skirt away and while turning around slide her blouse off. I was now kneeling in front of her while she stood there in only
her red lace bra, matching panties and red heels. I could feel my heart pounding. I kept staring at her panties, knowing what was
underneath that thin layer of lace. She reached down and lifted my¬†chin so I was looking at her face. “Go ahead… I know you want to.”
I reached up and slid her panties down.

She sat down in the chair and spread her legs wide. “C’mon, I don’t¬†have all day.” I crept forward and starting gently eating her pussy.
She pushed her hips into my face and I started eating her out more enthusiastically. God I loved the way she tasted. “Mmmm… well I’ll
say one things for sure… I’m damn glad I kept you if for no other¬†reason than this…” I was proud of how well I could please her.

I continued to lick her pussy for a few minutes. Her breath started¬†getting ragged and she wrapped her legs around my head keeping it in¬†place. She didn’t need to. I loved it, I wasn’t going anywhere. I¬†slipped two fingers inside her and that drove her over the edge and I
could feel her pussy clamp down on my fingers as her legs squeezed my head. Finally she let go and fell back on my heels.

She put her foot right in my chest and with a quick push with her red stiletto I was flat on my back. She stood up and stood over me.
“Let’s see if that cock is as good as your tongue.” She lowered¬†herself onto my hard cock. My cock was enveloped in her hot wet
pussy. She rode my cock for just a minute or two. Between seeing her¬†this way and then eating her out I couldn’t wait much longer.
Suddenly she stopped. Breathlessly she said “Nononono… not yet… ¬†that’s not your cock, that’s MY cock… and I’ll decide when it cums.”
She dragged her nails across my chest as she clenched onto my cock¬†with her pussy. I couldn’t believe how much control she had over it.
I could feel my cock throbbing inside of her.

Finally after a minute or so she started her fucking again. Riding my cock like it was a sex toy. I lost count of how many times she pushed
me right to the edge of cumming before denying me. Might have been¬†3… might have been 4. Each time she’d stop and snicker at me. The
desperation on my face was plain to see. “What’s the matter, baby…¬†something you want?” I nodded vigorously. “C’mon… tell me… tell
me what you want.”

“I wanna cum…” I whispered.

“What? I can’t hear you…”

“Please… please let me cum…” I said a little louder.

“Let you cum? Who’s cock is that?” she dragged her nails across my¬†chest, this time a little harder leaving slight red lines.

“It’s yours. Can you please let your cock cum? please…” I felt¬†her pussy grip my cock… her cock. Squeezing hard she started her
fucking again and I couldn’t last any longer.

“Cum for me baby… cum!” Her cock shot its load inside her and my¬†body went rigid. She layed down on top of me. Kissed me and then
stood up.

While I was recovering I saw her putting her skirt and blouse back on.
I literally couldn’t move. She picked up her jacket and slipped it¬†on. Then she reached down and picked up my underwear… “You won’t be
needing these… Here…” She dropped her panties on my face… “You¬†can wear those over my cock.”

She turned and walked out the door. I finally stood up and looked at¬†her panties. Sighing I slipped them on and got dressed, knowing I’d
never stop thinking about her so long as I had them on. I didn’t¬†really mind.

TMI Tuesday… Fishy gifts and food…

‚ÄėTis better to give than receive‚Ķ?

For this week’s TMI Tuesday why don’t you tell us:

1. What was your favorite gift that you received

*soppy moment* my best gift I gave to myself, it was the look of magic and delight on the faces of my smalls as they opened their gifts… makes all the stress and tension slip away.

I also gave myself a Icicles glass¬†tentacle¬†shaped dildo, that is so… very…. incredible *sigh*¬†

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?

Mr. Beam bought me a mountain bike, tres practical as next week sees the start of a massive fight the bulge movement…

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?

My Dad gave me a box of Roses (chocolates) I’m not that keen on chocolate really, unless it’s Green and Blacks 70% which is wonderfully addictive and rather like sex…¬†

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?

Smoked Salmon, Rope hung Scottish Smoked salmon to be very accurate, I’m not sure of the benefits of the rope hanging to the salmon but the imagery worked for me, as for the Scottish bit, well, you know, I have previous ūüėȬ†

Bonus:  Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal.

Take packet from fridge, select very sharp knife, cut edge of packet, peel back plastic, carefully slide fingers under the slice of salmon enjoying the cool moistness of the delicate flesh sensitivly draped over your fingertips, raise fingers to mouth and suck the salty fishyness into your mouth, hold the flesh in your mouth to savour the flavour, chew, swallow, wash down with Chablis, lick lips, suck fingers seductively, have some more. 

Bonus, bonus:  Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve?

Getting drunk in the Hot Tub in my garden.


How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is a family time, it’s a busy time and I’m just not feeling Erotic, so here’s wishing you a fabulous Christmas and a Happy New Year….

See you in 2012…

…. maybe.

Wax on, Wax off…

Yesterday I hand another of those “Why the HELL am I doing this again?” Experiences. Lying on the couch at the beauticians, she spreads hot wax on my mound of venus and other slightly more intimate parts then yanks it off… and I try not to scream… Well, not so much these days because it is getting easier, apart from the nusance of the ingrowing hairs! TMI? Okay… moving swiftly on.

Someone asked me ¬†“You and Mr.Beam must be getting on great if you are having a wax?” Hmmm. Interesting question. Yes, Mr.Beam and I are getting on really well at the moment and long may that last but that is not why I get a wax. ¬†I do it because for 2 or 3 weeks it feels so good… all silky smooth and soft to touch. It’s as much as I can do to drag my fingers away from my pussy! Of course, he’s a fan too, I hesitate to say it but if it were just for him, I’d not go through all that, perhaps just a tidy up around the edges.

I used to just have the Bikini wax, usually just if we were heading off on holiday somewhere, even if it was to go skiing, my idea of apres Ski is a bottle or two of ice cold beer consumed whilst in an outdoor hot tub. One prefers not to worry about escaping hairs in that situation. As time has gone on though, I’ve become¬†accustomed¬†to seeing pictures of vaginas without hair, the porn industry is responsible for a lot more metal conditioning then just bukkake… So I tend to go these days with a landing strip, I might be inclined to have it all off but (as I often say) I’m a Mummy before so many things these days and it just doesn’t seem right to me as the adult female in the house, not to have some pubic hair.

This time I was toying with a triangle or even a heart shape, I’m sure that would make him chuckle but something stopped me… Not¬†embarrassment¬†that is for sure, after all I just had a woman touching the entire outer pussy area, she is so very thorough sometimes I wonder as she runs her fingers over my skin. ¬†The wax is so wonderfully warm too, perhaps it’s the pain that stops it being a turn on, because it’s not the right kind of pain for me, it just hurts like fuck. The result is so smooth and sexy though I can’t wait to offer myself up for face time.

So, really, selfishly, this is for me, I do it purely for personal reasons, it makes me feel comfortable and sexy. ¬†If anyone else gets to enjoy it too, that is just a fringe benefit ūüėČ

It got me wondering as I was lying there, what do other people do to themselves for themselves to make them feel sexy?


7 Things…

*Yawns dramatically* I never really thought I’d get away with not doing it…

In years gone by, again as my guise as a Mummy Blogger, I have done 3 posts on “7 things about me” and it was a strain everytime. I was not looking forward to this bit much, then I realised that none of my readers here have seen those! So I *might have stolen 7 things mercilessly from the other posts, 7 really dull me things to tell you.

*unlikely, you decide if I would tell the vanilla world this stuff…

One! ¬†Red wine makes me horny, especially Shiraz but it’s a fine line between horny and comatose…

Two! ¬† I met Mr.Beam at a drop zone, I was packing a parachute at the time and if anyone tells you I was bought for a shower and a jump ticket, don’t believe them… it was 2 jump tickets ūüėČ He say’s I’ve never been cheap. (tw, ‘jump’ tickets were about the airplane not the bunkroom)

Three! ¬†I got high in America… I visited the highest incorporated city in the US, Leadville to go Dog sledding, it was an amazing experience, as was the whole trip *dreams of snow, skis sliding through powder, the soft swish as you move, chilled air against your face* *cries*

Four!  Every winter I hunt endlessly for inexpensive knee high leather boots and every year I fail to find any that will zip over my calves or accommodate my strangely shaped feet.

Five! When it comes to my feet, don’t go there, no really, I’m not kidding. Touching my feet¬†accidentally¬†may result in a bloody nose for you, touch them on purpose and a sensitive part of you is going to hurt for a very long time….

Six! Really struggling to find anything to write here now so I have asked my dear pal Bluelagoon, she tells me I am one of the Stillest people she has ever known. I read that as silliest which of course confused me as I’m sure she knows far sillier people than me! Though I will admit to being bloody daft at times! But no, apparently I can be still and observe people “it goes beyond people watching.” Funny the things people think about you isn’t it… I thought everyone observed how people are, how they stand and talk, move and interact… Doesn’t everyone imagine the lives of those around them, who are they with, are they lovers, what they might be like in bed… ¬† Or just wonder at the colour of their lounge, how much washing up is piled in the kitchen, if they put the lid on the toothpaste or replace the loo roll, are they messy, creative, humourous or if they are anally tidy… No? Just me then…

Seven! I don’t own a trug….

The VBA or we bloody are divine too!!

Some Meme’s rock, I like a good meme especially when it allows me to have a free rein with the sarcasm, I’ve done a few in my guise as a Mummy blogger that kept me amused for hours. When I was nominated by 3 fellow bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award, along with being REALLY flattered, I cringed at the thought of having to carry it on, the reason being that I hate those¬†sycophantic awards shows that are everywhere this time of year, Oscars, Baftas, whatevers… the ‘ ooo darling you are so divine’ crowd, they make me cringe big time. I always enjoy the one that someone (I think it might be Noel) does for the local hero though, which got me thinking…

My fellow “Lifestyle” bloggers who think about sex too much, are REAL people, this is nitty gritty life stuff they share with us and the Erotica bloggers are really REAL too!! I also read rather a lot of not ‘life style bloggers who think too much about sex’ or at least they don’t tell us they think about sex as much as we do but their writing is just as¬†compelling, yet I don’t think some of them would thank me for including them here and it might break my ‘cover’ (I use that term loosely!) So why not do the meme?

…and then I had another cringe moment because I wondered to myself do I really read 15 blogs? I mean honestly? The answer is actually yes I do, and more on a dip in and out as the whim takes me, I lurk allarmingly! So I had huge difficulty choosing but rest assured if I’ve ever bothered to comment on your blog or seek you out on twitter – I like the cut of your gib.

So thank you (In date order) To Jilly, Molly and F, lovely of you to nominate me for the VBA.

So here we go – the rules are

  1. Thank my nominator (above), and link to site.
  2. Nominate 15 blogs that I enjoy reading, linky them up and tell them that I’ve done so.
  3. Tell you 7 things about myself which you must promise me you won’t yawn at!
  4. Enjoy watching them squirm at the prospect of doing this meme, unless of course they have already done it and then sorry I’m so late n all that…

The Blogs, in no particular order honestly…

A Blogger in Turmoil: I must be responsible for half of F’s stats, I check this blog for updates more than twice a day, it has been know to replace my blog as ‘most visited blog’ on my Chrome dashboard (it might be because my email box is glaringly empty a lot *looks stern*.) As someone who usually avoids train wreck telly I think F might be my dirty train wreck blogging secret. He found me first (kudos) so I naturally read his blog, it’s a compellingly honest insight to his angst, I love his naughty side that he often shows here in my comments. I’m so thrilled we are now friends.

Molly’s Daily Kiss: So, this is the most¬†fascinating¬†blog in the history of the world. Molly is insightful and clever and boy does she share! ¬†She writes like an angel, so okay, it’s a naughty angel. ¬†She recently threatened to try and write a novel (well okay, you said you have thought about it ūüėČ ) and I say do IT!!! Dear readers, If you haven’t read this blog, you should. *Hugs Lady*

Lady Laid Bare: I’m jealous. *goes green* not only does Jilly write LOADS it GOOD LOADS!!! She’s also a really interesting lovely tweeter xx mwah xx

And no I didn’t just pick those three because they picked me, I rate them all¬†extremely¬†highly as bloggers and humans!

Writes For Her: I love this man’s mind. He is humourous and self¬†deprecating and a great erotica writer. I want him to spank me!! ¬†The only problem with this blog is there is not enough of it! Write more Mr.WFH, this Her would love more… Yes I am demanding ūüėČ

An Optimistic Virgin: She’s back!! Phew.. I missed C’s¬†irreverence¬†during her brief disappearance, this is a great blog from a unique blogger. Best enjoyed from day one, pour yourself a glass of wine and read it all. Funny and charming, C is great with fruit.

The Erotic Notebook: Fabulous Erotica writer, I really enjoy Ruby’s writing. She is also the host of EROTICON2012; I’m going… Why aren’t you?

Get Fettled: A fledgling erotica writer with inspired ideas in his story telling, he appears to have gone quiet which is very disappointing…

Mocha Beanie Mama: Not a sex blogger but I know she thinks about sex a whole lot!! This is a well written blog about a woman’s life, loves and photography. So funny, so spot on, so read it.

A Symmetry of Longing: Wonderous prose from a fellow coffee lover, my love of this blog has to be taken in small doses, it gets in my head, dangerously… *sighs* Gene is a superb wordsmith. Just amazing.

A Smile Like The Sun: This blog waves a huge flag at¬†versatility. I’m sure Huff could, should he choose, write a very sexy story about paper clips, curling tongs and toe nail clippers with references to beach combing and the highland fling… Random perhaps, he’s just that type of writer, by that I mean excellent of course but also¬†imaginative… I’m still waiting for the blog police to come and ransack me.

Musings of a High School Vampire: I’ve loved this blog for over a year, I know this because that is how long the writer took off ūüė¶ Apparently his arch¬†nemesis¬†deaded him but the thing about the undead is they are hard to kill off, Jonathon8 *might* be a nasty¬†weasel¬†of a blood sucking vampire but he is my favourite… I no longer go out at night, not that it would make the slightest difference to him…

Sexual Psyclist: I dip in and out of Mr. Psyclist, when I’m looking for raunchy tales of seriously horny preportions, this blog is usually my starting point… yes, I lurk….

The Sex Experiment: What can I say? This is a really fun blog, it will have your mind reeling with¬†possibilities, I find my mind moving from disbelief to longing and back again so often. I’m so far behind with reading the antics of this couple but I intend to catch up asap!

The Aussie Scribbler: should erotica be amusing, you bet your life it should!! and the Aussie Scribblers Funnybones never fail to raise a smile, true genius of writing.

and 7 things about me? Well that is not very interesting is it… I’m already yawning #dull #dull #dull…