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The Power of Sex…

I’ve been asked;

Is it the thought of sex or sex itself that is more powerful for you?

It’s an intriguing question, one which I have spent a fair amount of time considering.

The thoughts of sex? 

I do think about sex a lot, sex and entanglement, of emotion, of desire.  The flirtatious firsts, kissing, touching, words spoken, body language, the unwritten signs, sexual chemistry.  The inner workings, thought patterns, lack of thought patterns. Deeper still; the movement, texture, smell, sound. At some point during everything I write I pause and think, what is she thinking, did he like that, is this working…

What turns me on, what turns me off…

Scenarios of sex play through my mind, stories need to brew until they over boiling from my head. I actually find it hard to write to a prompt or on a specific day, for personal reasons writing erotica on a Friday or at the weekend is much harder for me.  Which is why I try extra hard to join in with the prompted time related writing – it’s the masochistic streak in me.

Words fill my mind, I find a lot of writers don’t read, to a degree I’m guilty of that too, I have my favourite blogs that I try (and usually fail) to keep up with, they are not all erotic blogs, often human interest – people intrigue me, will she, won’t she, has he? These thoughts are ultimately about sex (or money.)

I have a deep passion for carefully constructed seductive words. If I find an erotic writer who articulately expresses their writing in a way that makes my mind reel and body react I will read everything they write. Words go through my head and my body follows. The way to my passion is through words.  I appreciate their danger like so few others.

Thoughts of sex are extremely powerful. In my head sex is exciting and positive, enthralling and beguiling. Nothing ever turns me off because I won’t let it happen, it’s all rose tinted and perfect even when it’s messy and squelchy, dirty and nasty – it all flows perfectly.

Sex itself?

Is fabulous, it contains everything my kookie mind dreams up because I do like putting my thoughts into actions, my other half is open to suggestions but to be honest he is just as good at coming up with ideas and feeling how he goes as I am.

Putting him aside for a moment and considering the question from the angle my friend wanted to know about.

Sex actually can be hard to get right, so many things can let you down.  New partners although exciting a prospect do not flow like holywood movie stars, not everything will click, whilst this can be fun to fathom out it can also be difficult if you don’t know how to communicate your need, how do you say ‘actually that isn’t working’ in the full throng of fellatio ;-0

Someone says the wrong thing, misinterprets your mood, bodily functions interrupt the atmosphere. There might be too much light, not enough light, the music isn’t getting you off, you drank too much, you didn’t drink enough!

Hmmmmm…..

As I have said before, I’m a Venusian and things on Venus are much more refined then on Mars, or Earth for that matter, can a woman who dreams of perfect ever expect that to happen in real life with all it’s uncomfortable limb entangled, misunderstanding, farting, coughing, finding a stray pubic hair in your mouth mess that is REALITY??

Well, it has happened so why should it not happen again *smirks*

Now whilst you might think this answers his question and the thought is more alluring then the act I’d like to add that  my friend also asked me:

Is the thought of having an affair…. the daydreams… fantasies….. better than the real thing…. in the long run.

and to be honest with you my dear I have no idea… Is having an affair a good idea at all?  Would it not be better off being in the open? A consensual arrangement between partners of an acknowledged physical need for variety? In my dreams…

Some would say no. Because of the emotional attachment that seems to get involved, the longing, the desire, the haunting feeling that comes of not being able to have the one person you want. The futility of knowing what you have however good it was before may never be right again, not to mention living with the guilt, the betrayal.

Some would say yes. The thrill of the chase, the adrenaline, the discovery of a new person, the potential of fulfillment….

Sexual utopia for me would perhaps be a place where experimentation with other people is permissive IF the parties concerned were able to separate their feelings from the act, in my experience this is a rare occurrence.

I can’t help thinking that the more I think about sex and having sex, the thought of lovers and being the object of someones desire , of being wanted, held and loved for the sake of the moment the more questions I find I have…

To my friend who asked the question I’d say that any conclusions I may ever reach on the subject – and finding a conclusion is not looking good – would only ever apply to me in that moment. I can’t answer this for you.

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

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Shooting Stars on EroticMoonbeam

I was completely unprepared for the response I received from last weeks post Vajazzle Me! If I’d have had a clue I would have upped the anti somewhat, perhaps run a competition, donations to charity – anything to be honest! Who would have thought that a little design of crystals would have caused such a fuss! Personally I laughed for hours! If you missed it (hrumph!) I chose three Vajazzle designs, a shooting star, a fish and a dragonfly and asked my readers to choose which one I should wear for my holiday which starts tomorrow (SQUEEEEEE!!)

I must admit to probably having had too much wine last Saturday as the idea of posting pictures of myself here kind of turns my stomach, self love or just not giving a damn are issues I have yet to work through, I loath pictures of me!

The thing that really amazed me was the generosity of Vajazzled UK who promised to supply me the other two designs free when I purchased the winning one! I’d plucked them off the internet after seeing they were actually the best value for money in the Vajazzle world and dropped them a link to my little blog purely out of cheekiness!

The ten votes I asked for came in thick and fast with the shooting star being the most popular, I duly placed my order on the 18th and they were here by the 20th! Flaming great service!!

So many huge thanks to Susan at Vajazzled UK, I may be back for one of those lovely Gem Too tattoos at some point.

So here it is, the shooting star on the newly waxed me ….

Vajazzle Shooting Star on Eroticmoonbeam

Vajazzle Shooting Star on Eroticmoonbeam

And what have I learnt from this? Think carefully before you offer to post pictures of yourself *cringe* One is no supermodel 😉

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Groomed

I’m not sure this is the place to say this but fuck it, it’s my blog.

I have a twitter account, in fact I have three, one where I chat to other like minded writers and readers of erotica, I do love it it’s like a gathering of friends.  My other two are different. One is attached to the Mummy side of life, rightly or wrongly I keep the erotic and the Mummsy stuff separate, people are small minded and prefer Mothers to behave in a certain manner, personally I think my foray into the world of erotica makes me a better Mother – that is a different post altogether. On the Mummy account I don’t swear, no sex please and I tweet about my kids, I can hear you yawn from here.

The third account however is different, it’s locked and private, I keep the follower account low, only follow people who follow me back, allow no lurkers, people need to talk to me to remain – this is not a numbers game, it’s a serious playground.  I’m not talking Sexting, I don’t indulge in sexting on ANY of my accounts, I’ve tried it, it’s dangerous for me, words are so very powerful, they can turn my head and thankfully I know this, I recognise the signs now.  But I do indulge in flirting, frank discussions about sex, there is a LOT of humour and repartee with people I feel know me, no strings no assumptions and I swear – oh boy do I swear, I’m the master of the twitter scream! Everyone needs somewhere to rant to and be heard, for me it’s that account, they understand and if I find someone doesn’t fit in my circle of ‘friends’ they go. You may think I’m harsh but this is where I let of steam, there has to be a level of understanding.

In the way of all social things, twitter has to be organic, people come, people go, some stay and become friends but with every new follow request on that account I think very carefully about who I’m accepting, I see who they already follow, what sort of things they say (if I can) and take my time working this out, seeing if I feel happy about it, I’m not here for their entertainment but for mutual amusement.

Sometimes I get it wrong.

This week I let someone in that I wasn’t sure about and it was a mistake.

He started by a few tweets in the timeline, no problem there, my DM box is strictly for private chats of a non sexual variety, if you can’t time line it you shouldn’t be saying it unless it’s personal – I’m sure you catch my drift.  The suddenly he was in my DM box saying I was intriguing, so many tweets to so few people, I told him I was fussy 😉 A little later he basically said that reading between the lines he though I was bored with my sex life. I thought what the fuck! Where did that come from? So I asked him, why do you think that? He was vague, between the lines again I wasn’t getting what I need sex wise from my husband… Well, we may have our problems and I may covert the idea of a change of partner but I can honestly say there is nothing wrong with the quantity or quality I get at home…

I was a bit mean at this point and timelined to my pals that someone told me I should get more spice in my sex life… You should have seen them laugh.

A little later there was the DM game, ask me a question and I will timeline the answer, adults can be kids too… He asked me if I was having or would have an affair and male or female, I answered ‘yes – strictly male’  This was followed by DM’s asking me to clarify, was that yes I was or yes, I would? He didn’t like me refusing to tell him but frankly that was none of his business…

After that I think he might have smelt a rat because he pulled out of the DM box and we had several exchanges where he tried to point out how boring I was whilst asking me to share where I was writing.  You may not realise this but when I started I decided to let Moonbeam be organic in it’s own right, I’ve tried (and failed with a couple of people due to my technological bimboness and my thinking they had found out when they haven’t) to let an audience find me without prompting.  His needling to get me to ‘share’ really pissed me off and perhaps my refusal to tell him pissed him off too because after a brief exchange this evening about twitter being dull I suggested he unfollowed the dull people, he asked where to start and I said here – and he went…

Now, I’m not the most streetwise of people, I take folk on face value and trust my instinct and my instinct was yelling ‘Grooming!’ at me! What would have been next, say I was a vulnerable individual who did feel neglected or unsatisfied by their partner, would there have been an offer to meet, pressure to have sex…

Perhaps I’m reading this wrong and I’ve done this chap an injustice, perhaps it’s not case and he was genuine… I’ll never know will I but I know I’m relieved he’s gone.

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Today and Tomorrow

Christmas has nothing on this.  This tight little knot of extreme excitement I feel, it’s blocking my throat making it constricted, I’m gasping at life, sucking it in nervously.  My stomach is churning, yesterday I barely ate anything, today hunger eludes me completely. I’m standing at the cliffs edge looking down but all I can see fluffy white clouds, I’ve no idea what lies beneath them and that in itself is breathtaking. Yes, I’m worried there are rocks below and I’m going to end up hurt, there could be nothing at all and I will just keep falling forever, air rushing past me endlessly, or perhaps if fate is playing a charmed hand, I will find the place I should be in the world.

I have no idea how this is going to play out…

Tomorrow is a new challenge, very exciting, thrilling even and I can’t tell you about it, not even here in my quiet little incognito corner on a blog nobody reads. Not because I’m not able to share, I could… But I won’t. This feeling belongs to me, I intend to share it with someone special but not today and, to be honest I’m too busy hugging myself and quietly whispering “Squeeeeee” with delight to enlighten you any further.

I’m sure if I succeed it will come out in the words I choose, as will any failure, where things like this are concerned only time will tell.