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Vanilla? Moi?

This week someone told me I have a vanilla sex life.

I was too speechless to answer while the opportunity presented itself but the thought has of course been churning in my tiny little brain for several days and so yeah, I’m dumping the mahem in my brain onto the blog again..

The comment I believe was based on the fact that I’m not in a/interested in a D/s relationship for myself. I do love to read the D/s blogs and find them facinating but it’s not for me. It seems to be apparent that this particular person feels that D/s is ‘kinky’ and everyone else in the world is ‘vanilla’ and I can’t help thinking this doesn’t seem fair, can I really be put into that category?

I’ve always imagined a ‘vanilla sex life’ to be rather boring, so in the interests of getting my facts straight I turned to Urban dictionary, which may not be a particularly trustworthy source but it is the Word, right?

and I found this:

A description of what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual practice. Often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve elements such as, BDSM, kink, or fetish activities. Usually defined as boring, plain sex. But, a vanilla lover would regard it as making-love, passionate sex.
Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position.

I also found this:

boring. un-inventive. plain. sex

Boring? Moi? Now rage filled and vengeful! – not really I’m far too placid 😉

So, I’ve been contemplating the type of sex I do like.

I do like happy, enjoyable sex, I don’t enjoy pain although I love a good nipple tweak and to be fucked so hard it hurts…

I love oral, performed on me and giving a blow job, though my man is rather large (she adds boastfully) and a hellofa mouthful 😉 69’s a huge favourite here.

Missionary is good (don’t get me wrong) but it’s better when my legs are over his shoulders, doggy is fabulous but tbh I like any position and vary them often.

We enjoy blindfolds and light bondage. I love to experiment with sensory deprivation, especially the way it heightens the other senses.

I have a total ice fetish, temperature play is divine – love love love it!

I get a real kick out of anal, so does he and anal with vaginal sex toys – fuck that’s awesome!

I like to be spanked, though hes not so keen on delivering :-s

We play with toys, regularly. Watch porn, read erotica….

There is an element of dress up should the occasion present itself, time is the real killer of that one. I do have several smashing corsets and my undies collection is always expanding (ha! or decreasing!)

A lot of our sex life happens outside the bedroom, the hot tub is always good for a giggle, outdoor sex is divine, the risk of being discovered always has me in peals of giggles.

We do have a fair amount of sex and I probably wank more then he would like 😉

There are still so many things I’d like to try *sigh* circumstances currently are not in my favour.

So perhaps I’m not particularly kinky, perhaps a little raspberry ripple, with chocolate chips chucked in for good measure… but vanilla?

So I ask you in the form of clarification (and not because I think there is anything wrong with me or my sex life, I’m not looking for reassurance I’m extreemly sexually confident, scary some would say…)

Am I really vanilla? 

To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post


He’s right – and here is why….

Apparently it’s true…

I’ve got over the angst ridden part of being told I’m not the type to have an affair, it still riles me though, especially the bit about there being a type of woman who does have affairs *stomps feet* and the implication that perhaps I’m not sexy enough or wild enough to do it… *smarts fury* *breathes* and of course since last Sunday I’ve been analysing myself, working it through, trying to see why it might be true – I’m a Scorpio, we do this.

So, what have I discovered?

Well, I stand by my initial diagnosis, with the right man at the right time I could all too easily be attracted to someone enough to have an affair.  Although I’m often in despair of what I see in the mirror I’ve always been the type of woman with a bedside manner which demands much nakedness and I’m not adverse to the idea of a new fella seeing my body *quakes* not the right fella…   So, I’m physically capable of it, lust driven in the heat of passion with sexy kissing and lovely big hands stroking my skin and fondling my breasts, Mmmmm.

I’m not sure it’s the guilt angle, I’m very good at compartmentalising my life, I’ve always done it, I’m sure if it felt right, it wouldn’t be wrong…

So what changed my mind?

This morning someone told me I’m always putting other people first, caring for people and yes, I have always been a people person.  I hate to see others hurt, to think I have caused hurt and I also hate to feel hurt myself, although this does happen in the course of putting others first too bloody frequently.  You see the thing is, I’m not sure I could have sex with someone now without feeling some emotional attachment because they would have to be a pretty special kind of man.   In my 20’s it was almost all too easy, in fact I always felt I had quite a male approach to sex, positive detachment, it’s served me well. I often sit and snicker to myself at some flash back or other from then, no regrets. 😉  but now I’m not so sure…  So my idle fantasies of having lovers are perhaps not as attainable as I’d once thought, even if my partner had agreed.  Is it a mind-set I could acquire with an open and honest approach to the situation, should it occur?  Because, honestly, if there were someone who was that special, how do you walk away? How do you be that close to them and then stop being with them? Not long to touch them or hold them… Hurt yourself and them over and over by walking away from each other again and again….

It’s hard.  Too hard and very hurtful.

Isn’t it?

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post

Both Images from Tumblr unaccredited

So… Sex, and the needy woman…

Sex, fucking good isn’t it…

It can feel wonderful, delightful, hurt – in a great way, be fast and furious or slow and delicious , earth crashingly terrible, or perhaps because you are not getting any, extremely frustrating!

Men complain they don’t get any, that’s the stereotype isn’t it? – my wife doesn’t want sex, not interested. And so women are not supposed to want it that much…

How wrong can you get.

Because women do want it… well, lots of us anyway. I certainly do and I’m very lucky in the fact I have a partner with a reasonably high sex drive and I do get good sex whenever I want it.

But is it enough?

It would seem not.

It would seem that somehow, because of the respect and general gentlemanlyness of my partner, the fact we have been together for so long (although we are always up for trying something new) and a miriad of other reasons I can’t even begin to fathom, it’s not enough…

I want a lover, or two. Not much to ask is it? It would appear so. Society isn’t very happy about it and to be honest neither is my partner.  Why do I feel like this? who knows. Fucked if I do… Except, I don’t really need more love… Respect, yes – I want a kind of erotic escapism, new hands touching my body, finding my weeknesses, pushing my buttons, exploring my psyche, pushing my boundaries.

During an open and frank discussion with my partner I confessed my growing interest in having a MMF experience, so we chatted around this and also what a MFF experience would mean for him and ended up ruling the whole thing out, because although he can appreciate the interest and draw of the situation and got rather horny talking about it, he was unable to come to terms with the thought of another man touching me, this rules out an open marriage too. The begining of the end, something he feels he can’t handle, so I have to respect that don’t I.

And I do respect that, whilst feeling locked up in my little world of respectability… The begining of the end indeed.

Here ends my first and I’m sure but no means last random musing (not so heavily disguised scream for help) on the subject of sex….

Photo found on Tumblr – no credits