Well hey there! Happy New Year and welcome (back). Good to see you x
As usual, there is a lot of chat around this New Year about resolutions, I don’t usually indulge, however I have this year on a rather large scale and some of these resolutions are going to have a knock on effect on my Internet usage. Basically, I’m not going to be here or on Twitter so much.
You may not notice, I’ve never been a prolific blogger but I thought a heads up was due anyway.
Thanks for reading.
*Yawns dramatically* I never really thought I’d get away with not doing it…
In years gone by, again as my guise as a Mummy Blogger, I have done 3 posts on “7 things about me” and it was a strain everytime. I was not looking forward to this bit much, then I realised that none of my readers here have seen those! So I *might have stolen 7 things mercilessly from the other posts, 7 really dull me things to tell you.
*unlikely, you decide if I would tell the vanilla world this stuff…
One! Red wine makes me horny, especially Shiraz but it’s a fine line between horny and comatose…
Two! I met Mr.Beam at a drop zone, I was packing a parachute at the time and if anyone tells you I was bought for a shower and a jump ticket, don’t believe them… it was 2 jump tickets 😉 He say’s I’ve never been cheap. (tw, ‘jump’ tickets were about the airplane not the bunkroom)
Three! I got high in America… I visited the highest incorporated city in the US, Leadville to go Dog sledding, it was an amazing experience, as was the whole trip *dreams of snow, skis sliding through powder, the soft swish as you move, chilled air against your face* *cries*
Four! Every winter I hunt endlessly for inexpensive knee high leather boots and every year I fail to find any that will zip over my calves or accommodate my strangely shaped feet.
Five! When it comes to my feet, don’t go there, no really, I’m not kidding. Touching my feet accidentally may result in a bloody nose for you, touch them on purpose and a sensitive part of you is going to hurt for a very long time….
Six! Really struggling to find anything to write here now so I have asked my dear pal Bluelagoon, she tells me I am one of the Stillest people she has ever known. I read that as silliest which of course confused me as I’m sure she knows far sillier people than me! Though I will admit to being bloody daft at times! But no, apparently I can be still and observe people “it goes beyond people watching.” Funny the things people think about you isn’t it… I thought everyone observed how people are, how they stand and talk, move and interact… Doesn’t everyone imagine the lives of those around them, who are they with, are they lovers, what they might be like in bed… Or just wonder at the colour of their lounge, how much washing up is piled in the kitchen, if they put the lid on the toothpaste or replace the loo roll, are they messy, creative, humourous or if they are anally tidy… No? Just me then…
Seven! I don’t own a trug….
As a ‘sex’ blogger I consider myself pretty much a nonstarter, I’ve always thought that perhaps what I am is actually a lifestyle blogger who spends far too much time thinking about and having sex… The idea makes me smile so I guess that is what I am.
This last couple of months have been tough, it’s autumn and with that come the endless sniffles and nasty bugs and as a mother of small children I’ve had one after the other. Mr.Beam says I need time to recover, he did carefully point out that whilst he believes I need time to recover he’s not giving me an opening to take it, typically life goes on..
The most obvious effect this has all had on me is the total devastation of my libido.
I’m not in the high sex drive category of folk, I’m usually happy if I get a good seeing to a couple of times a week with a few decent wanks in between, yeah okay so some days I’m feral and pretty much insatiable, I’m sure most folks have those days… Not so this month..
November has been a wasteland of nonwanking, I have no urge, no desire, no je ne said quoi. I feel bland and uninteresting, usually I’d admit the only thing sexy about me is my state of mind, oh and good tits, apparently the arse is darn fine too but I can’t see that. Nope, I’ve lost my va va voom and it’s pissing me off…
Today is day four of my TOTM and by now I’m usually ripping up the sheets to be fucked, yet here I lay at 5.30am feelin,, well to be honest, fuck all…. I’m testing myself too, usually the mere thought of my glass vibe being in the freezer compartment will get me all hot and wet, the idea of sliding it’s chilled shaft inside me usually produces shivers and not from the cold. Perhaps it’s because my beloved glass vibe is broken too *sobs* and I have not found a suitable replacement, perhaps… but to be honest I have not been looking very hard, why bother?
I guess what I need is a plan, you know something excruciating and tiresome like healthy eating, spinach, broccoli and chicken soup, perhaps some gentle exercise involving being vertical as oppose to horizontal. Or many many many cuddles… Maybe I should wank anyway…. It always strikes me the more I get the more I want so perhaps a kick start is required!
In perspective though, I have to admit I can live with this… I am generally in good health as are my family, we have a lot to be thankful for and a few sniffles do seem rather like #firstworldproblems as twitter would say. The horn will return, it always does and with it I hope will come my desire to write, for yes, sadly it would seem that has gone too, this blog is starting to look like a barren wasteland and my sanity and need for escape is being tortured by my dullness.
Yesterday after my Abyss blog post a fellow blogger and I had a DM chat, bless her (much appreciated my dear!). I’ve always thought I’ve been pretty thorough in my exploration of the available sexy kinky stuff but after this discussion I began to wonder, have I? Honestly?
So today I have decided to start a new mission, an investigation from A-Z, I’m not going to look at everything because there are kinks out there that leave me ice cold and that would be counter productive but I’m as open minded as you will find a sex blogger and I’m willing to consider a LOT!
I know I’m restricted by the fact I only have one partner, Mr Beam is a darn fine husband and perhaps that is a restriction in itself, but I shall plow on because just now I have no idea where to go next and he knows me well enough to indulge in the journey if not always the experimentation.
Of course most of this will just be a mental exercise, a lot of what turns me on only happens in my head, I’ve found in the past that I can read something and be really hot for it, only to find the experience lacking in some way. The same happens with porn, somethings are great to watch but turn out to be dull to have done. I know it works the other way too as watching someone have their nipples pulled and squeezed always makes me feel sick, having it done to me is a different matter!
Now the disclaimer… *rolls eyes* these thoughts will be my own, if I miss the point of a kink please feel free to let me know, after all I’m no expert! If I miss a kink and you feel I should consider it yell, lets make this a bit interactive, I’m open to guest posts too, explain to me why certain kinks are the best, my email address is on the About EM.x page.
Well I guess that just leaves me to scuttle off and start googling Kinks beginning with A – onward!!
Forgive me dear reader, it has been bloody ages since I have felt the need to pound this keyboard with my thoughts of smut and naughtyness. I appear to be having a dry spell. The last 2 ‘pages’ of smut for the wank wednesday prompt were not really smutty but more romantic and if you are one of my (really rather wonderful) subscribers (I appreciate you all mwah!) you will not have got an email notification about those pieces (they are under stories in the right hand column).
So yeah, where was I? Writer block or something. I’m rather hoping it’s not the or something but I fear it is. I’m standing at the edge of the sexual abyss looking down into nothingness and getting no clear picture of if I should jump or teeter on the cliff edge.
In English I don’t know where to go next.
I’m having a fabulous time with the DP and Anal and Spanking and generally having some great fun sex but I’m not sure it’s enough. Liar, I know it’s not bloody enough or I wouldn’t be musing about it all. I’m finding it’s a lot easier to orgasm, longer more satisfying and even more frequent which is a blessing. I crave release like a woman stranded in the dessert thirsty for water; I’m not keen on denying myself the pleasure but I find myself asking all to frequently, is that it? What next… no matter how much I search through porn, tumblr, other blogs etc I’m not finding that certain something that makes me go “Fuck Yes!” I’m missing the bubbling excitement of a desire for fresh territory, a niche or kink that I can make mine and it’s rather frustrating!
I want more….
….there has to be more….
….but I don’t know what ‘more’ is.
I love me, I love me, I love ME! I LOVE ME!!!
Twee isn’t it….
I have a philosophy, (one of many) it’s not a new idea, there are so few genuinely new ideas any more. My philosophy is that you can not truly love another person until you love yourself, or at least appreciate who you are, like what you can and put up with the rest as the bits that make you an interesting person to be around.
That doesn’t mean to say you have to be madly, head swellingly full of self adoration, just a little “I’m okay, I am.” will do the job. Happiness and the ability to happy with someone else starts within you. It takes time, there is no instant fix, you can’t buy it (perhaps temporarily *looks at my Audi R8 brochure*) and what works for me probably won’t work for you. It’s not really about what you do for a living or how you live that life either, more about being content with the way you see the world, the love you share, the respect you hold for others. Liking all the aspects of your personality, recognising your faults and the impact they might have on other people. Being okay with who you are. Which of course necessitates actually know who you are and finding yourself. It reminds me a little of that song “Never been to me.” It’s very easy to loose sight of who you are and as I’m no self help guru so I can’t tell you how to find it because only you can do that.
I know this. I have discussed this endlessly with myself and still I lose the way sometimes and to be honest, that is so easily done. Life chucks knives at us, sometimes a grand piano has been hurled in my direction and you duck and dive the best you can, holding your breath and coming up for air before you drown. As long as I can hold on to my “I’m okay, I am.” I can make my world work the way I want it to.
How did I learn to like me? Introspection and self analysis mostly. I write stuff down (oh! have you noticed!) I have written a lot of stuff down over the years that I do not share, I just get it out of my headspace so I can think more clearly, then I put it away for a while, a day sometimes, a week, sometimes months. Then I reread it when I have moved away from the issue and can think my way through it clearer. It’s a bit like a pros and cons list for life. Quite often, when I have thought through an issue I have and feel comfortable to move on from it I have a little burning ceremony… Yes, you read that right, I burn my words as I no longer need them, I set them free… I am not about to do this to my laptop *strokes laptop* “It’s okay darling you know I love you!”
So maybe shouting “I love me” is a little o.t.t. just a quiet smile and a “I quite like me.” is fine.
Naturally, I’m not talking physically here, that is a whole other kettle of fish. There is a reason why there are only two mirrors in this house both above chest height and I loath trying stuff on in the shops. There is nothing Actually wrong with my body or my face, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 much tummy, great tits and a cheeky arse. I’ve mischievous eyes and a kissable mouth apparently… It’s just when I see me in the mirror I don’t recognise that person… On the day before my 30th Birthday I stood in front of the mirror and asked the woman I saw “Who are you?” I spent a few years after that trying to find out and then my world changed anyway with the arrival of the small people as did my body… She often catches me off guard that woman, I see group photo’s with smiley faces that I recognise, the other people all look like they should and then there is me and I look… wrong somehow. It’s more then just wrinkles and plumpness, it’s as if I expect to see a whole different face.
Still, we all have our issues 😉
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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here
then follow the arrows to the next post
So here we are, September *Does back flip* I’m having an odd poignant moment with the things occuring in my life that I have little control over or wonder if I’m on the right track with. One of these being this tiny little insignificant corner of the internet called EroticMoonbeam…
I started this little project in May, May 6th to be exact so I’m approaching just 4 months of wittering on endlessly about sex and stuff, I haven’t written any erotica all summer and I have missed it but with everything going on here there has been no silence to muse. I have been pondering the future of this blog though.
People are reading it… fuck knows why… but they are, I guess sex sells. Not that you get much actual sex to be honest, usually just me and my banal outpourings of a slightly crude nature… I’m not really much of a sex blogger… I hate pictures of me so you are never going to get much of that and frankly I don’t care if this venusian does look like Venus in your eyes, it’s my blog and I don’t want to look at it. So, wanton pictures which are so wonderful for the old stats are a no no… I’m (sadly) not promiscuous, so tales of adventure and illicit meetings with handsome tall men in secluded parts of the local forest, rampantly fucking on picnic blankets are far and few between… sucks eh! and I’m reasonably confident in my sexual nature, with a few experiments thrown in so as not to freak Mr. Beam out too much, there is not much here in a voyage of discovery….
So, why continue blogging? Just to rant? Just to muse?
I have considered going self hosting and if I do that what should I make my space be? Would it not be sensible to just stick to the erotic writing like so many brilliant writers and leave the sex blogging to the younger “New discoveries” types or the “Sexually explicit live vicariously through their writing.” types?
I’m honestly struggling to see where I fit in to this melee. “Reasonably happily married writer with a hunk of a husband who she should be very grateful for, interested in pushing her sexual boundaries but straight, with no pain involved and no, he doesn’t want to go swinging.” I mean… I’m yawning…
So what is the point?
After somebody recently almost implied that older erotic writers must be sex starved bored housewives getting off on their imagination I have found a reluctance in me to continue… It irks me that this is how people might see me. I have thought of changing the name of the blog to “Yes, I might be a MILF and I’d probably love it if you did but I’m getting my fairly high sexual urges satisfied at home – just.” But it wouldn’t fit across the screen. So I have considered changing the voice here. Posting fiction only, because reality is a tad boring, sex is just messy and housewives don’t want sex… Right?
I don’t know…
*Continues to ponder*
I think I might miss taking the piss out of myself…
You are intoxicating.
I can’t get enough of you.
My hands wandering over your silken skin, roaming, kneading, grasping, pulling at your flesh. My lips on yours, kissing you wildly, without restraint. Having you in my arms, wrapped around you, feeling the rising passion trapped within you, aching for escape.
Snatching seclusion in an isolated spot, laying you down, exploring your body with my hands roaming under your skirt, cupping your arse in my hands as we kiss each other frantically. Your hands on my chest, caressing my skin wantonly, fingers grasping the fastenings of my trousers.
The grip of my hands on your skin, teasing, pulling, kissing down your neck, your shoulder, your chest, releasing your heaving breasts, sucking hard on your nipple, pulling you into my hungry mouth, teeth teasing you mercilessly. Your gasping hot breath resounding in my ear as you tightly clutch my head to you.
I wanted desperately to satisfy your every desire, my body burning with passion to have you. The feeling of the soft skin of your fingers searching in my trousers, relishing the heat of what you find, gently stroking, soothing my heat for you, yet stoking my passion.
Our time together so precious, our parting so aching, yet we will do it all over again and again and again.
I held you in my arms and didn’t want to let go, but let go I had too.
Your Paramour xxx
I spend such a lot of time being smutty, thinking naughty thoughts, writing (eloquently I hope) about sex that it’s getting to a point where I’m finding interacting with people in a ‘normal’ clean decent fashion is becoming an issue.
Case in point – yesterday. Walking past Ann Summers in the city I noticed they have their sale on. I stated my interest, my sister (we are on the same page about most things) nodded with interest, her friend exclaimed “My God you are actually considering that!” I looked at her in surprise “Of course I am, I do love a bargain! I’ve got Ann Summers undies on today!” Her face was a picture. My sister did point out her friend was “Religious” and not always comfortable with subjects I find natural to talk about.
During the rest of the day I tried really hard to be on my best behaviour, it was the least I could do for my sister, I talked about my holiday, my kids, I would have attempted to join in the conversation about trash TV except I never watch it and so (as usual) have no idea who some B’list presenter was & I really couldn’t give a monkeys arse who got the sack on some convoluted excuse for entertainment…
I even held back when my tweet regarding having a Costa in Bath wouldn’t go through due to the shit signal in the dear old city and she commented under her breath that I should “Get a life” (Isn’t it funny how these people who claim to have a life always know who every celebrity is what they are doing with their career and life and watch what must amount to hours and hours of telly – living their ‘life’ vicariously? I prefer my social network of twitter pals #justsaying)
Don’t think I didn’t get my own back…. I bit my tongue very successfully but I wasn’t going to miss out on the Ann Summers sale! I had a grin like a slice of watermelon when the lady in question ventured to the back of the shop to try on undies and I proceeded to have a loud conversation with my sister about the merits of the different vibrators *sniggers* I even regaled them with the mint lube story.
Thinking forward, I have a fair few social engagements coming up where I’m going to have to be ‘super vanilla’ a wedding and a girls night and I do wonder why my social life when it occurs is so boringly main stream…
I honestly don’t think it’s me that’s the issue here, I’m just super cool and love talking smut 😉
Everyone else is uptight *sniggers*
To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here
then follow the arrows to the next post
I was completely unprepared for the response I received from last weeks post Vajazzle Me! If I’d have had a clue I would have upped the anti somewhat, perhaps run a competition, donations to charity – anything to be honest! Who would have thought that a little design of crystals would have caused such a fuss! Personally I laughed for hours! If you missed it (hrumph!) I chose three Vajazzle designs, a shooting star, a fish and a dragonfly and asked my readers to choose which one I should wear for my holiday which starts tomorrow (SQUEEEEEE!!)
I must admit to probably having had too much wine last Saturday as the idea of posting pictures of myself here kind of turns my stomach, self love or just not giving a damn are issues I have yet to work through, I loath pictures of me!
The thing that really amazed me was the generosity of Vajazzled UK who promised to supply me the other two designs free when I purchased the winning one! I’d plucked them off the internet after seeing they were actually the best value for money in the Vajazzle world and dropped them a link to my little blog purely out of cheekiness!
The ten votes I asked for came in thick and fast with the shooting star being the most popular, I duly placed my order on the 18th and they were here by the 20th! Flaming great service!!
So many huge thanks to Susan at Vajazzled UK, I may be back for one of those lovely Gem Too tattoos at some point.
So here it is, the shooting star on the newly waxed me ….
And what have I learnt from this? Think carefully before you offer to post pictures of yourself *cringe* One is no supermodel 😉
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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here
then follow the arrows to the next post