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Crashed and Burned…

As a ‘sex’ blogger I consider myself pretty much a nonstarter, I’ve always thought that perhaps what I am is actually a lifestyle blogger who spends far too much time thinking about and having sex… The idea makes me smile so I guess that is what I am.

This last couple of months have been tough, it’s autumn and with that come the endless sniffles and nasty bugs and as a mother of small children I’ve had one after the other.  Mr.Beam says I need time to recover, he did carefully point out that whilst he believes I need time to recover he’s not giving me an opening to take it, typically life goes on..

The most obvious effect this has all had on me is the total devastation of my libido.

I’m not in the high sex drive category of folk, I’m usually happy if I get a good seeing to a couple of times a week with a few decent wanks in between, yeah okay so some days I’m feral and pretty much insatiable, I’m sure most folks have those days…  Not so this month..

November has been a wasteland of nonwanking, I have no urge, no desire, no je ne said quoi. I feel bland and uninteresting, usually I’d  admit the only thing sexy about me is my state of mind, oh and good tits, apparently the arse is darn fine too but I can’t see that. Nope, I’ve lost my va va voom and it’s pissing me off…

Today is day four of my TOTM and by now I’m usually ripping up the sheets to be fucked, yet here I lay at 5.30am feelin,, well to be honest, fuck all…. I’m testing myself too, usually the mere thought of my glass vibe being in the freezer compartment will get me all hot and wet, the idea of sliding it’s chilled shaft inside me usually produces shivers and not from the cold. Perhaps it’s because my beloved glass vibe is broken too *sobs* and I have not found a suitable replacement, perhaps… but to be honest I have not been looking very hard, why bother?

I guess what I need is a plan, you know something excruciating and tiresome like healthy eating, spinach, broccoli and chicken soup, perhaps some gentle exercise involving being vertical as oppose to horizontal. Or many many many cuddles… Maybe I should wank anyway…. It always strikes me the more I get the more I want so perhaps a kick start is required!

In perspective though, I have to admit I can live with this… I am generally in good health as are my family, we have a lot to be thankful for and a few sniffles do seem rather like #firstworldproblems as twitter would say. The horn will return, it always does and with it I hope will come my desire to write, for yes, sadly it would seem that has gone too, this blog is starting to look like a barren wasteland and my sanity and need for escape is being tortured by my dullness.

Ice Ice Baby…

I’m a great fan of cold, love it, one might say I can’t get enough of it.  When I’m all hot and steamed up, cold hands running up my back make me shiver in the good way. Lick me, blow on it lovingly and  buttons get firmly pushed all over my body.  Ice cubes traced delicately around my nipples send me gasping, begging for more and push them inside me and I will probably have your babies…

Don’t worry, I’m well up to speed on how babies are made 😉

Glass dildos have a certain je ne sais quoi, especially when applied straight from the freezer.  My glass waterproof vibe from a certain high street sex toy shop is the Most. Amazing. Vibrator. In. The. World. it’s permanent place of residence when not in use is the ice cube tray in the freezer, Yum.

So when I was in that certain High Street sex toy shop and happened to see a Mint orgasm increasing cooling lube my face broke into a smile which probably made the shop assistant blush. I say probably, I wasn’t looking, I’d just fallen in love… (At this juncture I’d like to point out that this is not a sponsored post but I’m open to bribes suggestions concerning product reviews, especially lingerie  and tickets to theatres, just saying…)

Now, this green goo really does have a pleasant nip to it and it tastes pretty good too, as for orgasm enhancing I may have to do some experimentation to prove it wasn’t a fluke, you know, scientifically speaking.

But maybe it’s me, I’m the sensitive sort. (You can tell can’t you I know I oooze a sort of helpless female, lay back and take it, thinking of England charm…. Not.)  It’s left my lady parts rather swollen.  I’m making assumptions as to why because I don’t think the act itself was any more vigorous than usual although it has to be said I got what I was after Thursday more or less *grins and sniggers*  so I have to believe the gel has caused the swelling of my not so tiny and neat vagina.  It’s almost twice it’s normal size and chaffes as I walk!

This swelling does seem to be restricted to my genitalia, his seems so far unchanged in size typically, I asked him, ‘What do I do? There’s nothing I can put on it is there?’ and he said ‘For swelling anywhere else you put on a cold compress’ I frown until the light dawns ‘like a bag of frozen peas’ Mmmm this is looking interesting ‘Yes, but you will have to throw away the peas afterwards’ He knows I hate waste…

So, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon sitting on a freezer pack, covered in a pillow case, while I worked on my manuscript and it was very pleasant indeed! and yes, the swelling has eased a lot thank you for being concerned, if it happens again you will be the third to know no doubt.

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