You say it’s your birthday
(Birthday TMI questions suggested by Heelsnstocking)
1. What star sign are you?
Scorpio *watches everyone run for cover*
2. Do you believe in horoscopes?
No, I can not be defined into a neat 12th of the population, I am far to bolshie 😉
3. When is your birthday?
4. What’s the worst birthday gift a partner has given you?
A stuffed rabbit (Don’t tell him I told you that!)
5. Are you organised when it comes to other people’s birthdays?
Once upon a time yes, I used to buy all the cards in January for the entire year, these days, no in fact I frequently miss them.
6. How do you normally celebrate your birthday?
It used to be a tradition of mine to go shopping with my Mum, I’d always have the day off work and we would get sloshed in a pub at lunch time. In recent years I plot a few hours of #metime and just go and hide out somewhere quiet. Life gets noisy y’know.
7. If you could be one age again what would it be? Why?
26, it was a great age, truely excellent year…
8. What would be your ideal birthday treat?
I’d like a birthday BBQ… So hotish weather and a beach. It sounds simple and it is, except I’m British and November doesn’t tend to feature beach weather.
Bonus: Tell us your best birthday memory?
We went and bought my little cat. she was a tiny bundle of mischief, so adorable.
Bonus, Bonus: May we see you in your birthday suit? (post a photo)
Er… No, you mayn’t… It would crash the server 😉
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.
I’m in a strange space. My head is empty, my heart is heavy. I feel like a vast mass of nothingness stretching out to eternity. I am a created masterpiece and yet a blank canvas.
It seems ironic that my friends have on occasions expressed an opinion that I am wise. I apparently offer wisdom and encourage thought. One wishes this would bring comfort to ones self. It doesn’t, it’s just a tease at my inability to know what I should do to feel better, to feel complete. I’ve been trying to think what I would say to someone else feeling similar; The conclusion was I would tell them to Write; to discover, to explore, to express. I write, it’s what I do beyond being a Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter. When people ask me what I ‘do’ I have to bite back the response ‘I’m a writer’ and answer ‘I’m a mother’. Perhaps it’s this denial that makes me feel a lack of foundation, sadly it’s this world that makes it so, because of what I choose to write.
So amongst reasons in deciding to start writing here again is the need for self-expression. I am a sexual woman, I think about sex more than the average man, although perhaps not the physical mechanics, more the emotional/mental semantics of it all. When I started writing here it was a release, I enjoyed the bright colour and thrill it brought to my life. I miss that. I no longer have the shroud of anonimity but those that now know who I am can be trusted. I am grasping to the hope that this will allow me free reign with my train of thought. I don’t know, I’m a very private person.
A lot of this blog is humorous, I have really enjoyed re reading it, is it wrong to laugh at the way I see the world? Perhaps. I like to laugh, it can make or break a day. But I’m in a different place now than last May, a different place from February too… I don’t know how this is going to go.
So, my plans for this tiny corner of the interwebs? I need a space to vent and muse, shout, cry, get horny, lustful, naughty and sometimes just write. Stay, read, enjoy or not… If not, move on.
I encourage others to express themselves too but people often feel trepidicious about writing a blog or admitting to feeling sexual needs, so I’m offering a page to anyone who wants to muse on moonbeams, scribble fiction or vent, paint pictures, take photos… They can find a home here. (at my discretion).
– – ~ * ~ – –
To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here.
Some one called me inspirational…. I’m still speechless… *cough* yes, not likely I know… Usually I find my little ranty blog posts are inspired by others, something someone says will niggle away at my busy brain until it forms itself into something verging on coherent and requesting to be written. This happened again this week. I was immensely enjoying having a lovely telephone conversation with a fellow blogger, setting the world to rights etc, when something she said hit a large red and yellow bullseye in my brain. “I’m open, not easy.”
I ramble on about sex and it’s different aspects, I will express my opinion very clearly on sexual matters with practically anyone who wants to hear them via the internet, obviously I keep a tighter lid on what I think with people in my every day life, mostly people are not open, not able to admit to having a sexual nature so it’s best to keep quite, but on line, especially twitter, like finds like and openness is usually taken with the transparency and honesty with which it’s meant. Sometimes people read my openness as something else and this does annoy me (although I understand why they might be misguided).
I’m open, not easy… I have desires, I like sex, I thrive on physical contact. Do I want to fuck you? No, I can safely say that unless I’ve actually told you to the contrary, I don’t. I’m happily married and regularly ‘serviced’ thanks all the same, I don’t need any help on that score. Just because I like to talk about sex doesn’t mean I’m swinging or having multi partners. So yeah, perhaps I muse about this fantasy or that but when you have something good going, why wreck it…
The blogesphere is full of bloggers who do tell you the intimate details of their sex lives and it makes very interesting reading, I know, I read a few of them and perhaps I’m living vicariously through their exploits. That’s my choice isn’t it? The same needs to apply to what I blog about and it occurs to me that I may have lost my way a little here. Everyone seems to be doing the “Last night I…” and I read these posts and wonder if that is what I should be doing to… only I know I can’t, it’s not me… That is what has spurned on all the jokes about not being a sex blogger. You want that, you are in the wrong place, I need to do what I do which is mainly trying to make sense of this very strange and uptight little world we live in.
I’ve been a little bit cheesed off recently by a few commentors who appear to be implying that my life is less that it should be, their way is better, perhaps it is, but I am the navigator of my own life and I choose to live it the way I am. Whislt offers of a sexual nature might be appealing and flattering, as I’ve said from the beginning of this blog, it’s not an invitation I’m prepared to take. You may get the impression I’m headstrong, the answer to that is only when I need to be and I will continue to live life as I see fit, being open, not easy.
There has been a lot of spring cleaning going on here, I’ve been busy in the house being domesticated and I have a few projects in the burner that need my attention, that and the feeling like I’m being criticized for my own opinions and how I like to live my life on my own blog led me to wondering if I’ve had enough of this persona… I almost hit the delete button again this week, those of you following me on twitter may have seen my rant. Yes, I know, I keep going through this but usually it’s due to protecting the people I love, this time it was out of sheer exhaustion.
I know what you are going to say Haters gonna hate, just ignore them… and so I shall, for a while at least. I gave myself a few days off, knowing this blog was shut down and there was no need to check it gave me a breathing space for a couple of days. Thank you to those of you who noticed and requested access, I appreciate that…
I have a couple of posts coming up this month that I have promised to write and so I shall.
After that? Lets take one day at a time…
I know… I’m not supposed to be here but as a Life blogger who thinks too much about sex my mind just won’t let me rest sometimes until I vent a little (still waiting for someone to call me out on the ‘not a sex blogger’ thing 😉 ) so I’m venting… It’s probably because today I’m without my usual joyful method of procrastination and the fact that I’ve been reading too much about it recently but I can help letting my mind wander over the subject of cock… Shame ain’t it.
A man’s penis is the appendage that often, his whole world will revolve around, physically and mentally. Often without them realising the extent of it’s influence. I love cock… you may have noticed. Nothing is more sexy than a man in a sharp suit with a throbbing hard on, looking at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman on earth, his eyes begging me to undress him and be undressed. Makes me clench just thinking about it and that’s before any physical contact has occurred. I’m a Man-Fan, rough cold hands, eye twinkling filthiness, wonderful strong arms… In fact, I have been called the only straight female ‘sex blogger’ because of my appreciation of maleness… (Not that given the opportunity of some guilt free, no ties pussy eating, I wouldn’t have a go because I probably would, I’m just not bi-curious enough to go seek it out, instigate it or except an invitation.) …so when I was asked to write a review about a book on blow jobs I giggled and agreed. It seems every sex blogger all over the world has been asked to review this book so most of you will know which it is, I’m still waiting to hear back from the author on a point in issue, so I’ll just point out this is not the review… but it has made me think more about manliness, cock, blow-jobs, why I enjoy giving them and I can sum up for you exactly what gets my blood pumping, why I enjoy lavishing attention on his cock so much in one word.
You want to put your cock where? In my mouth? With all my teeth? Of course I won’t use them on you darling unless you would like me too! But I could… couldn’t I… and you want my hands too, stroking your shaft and massaging your balls? How about I suck your balls gently too? All three? My pleasure…. And that is where the power comes from, I won’t, but I could and that is my choice, not yours…
Excuse me for getting a kick out of that but perhaps it’s a kink of mine, I love to suck cock, relishing loving attention and devotion on your member and I will enjoy it endlessly, the texture, the shape, the taste, Mmmm… yes I bloody will… but it’s on my terms, I get to be in Control and that’s the rule.
Is that so wrong of me?
Control is a major issue for me, I am a control freak , my personal boundaries are pretty wide but I don’t like to be pushed, nudged gently perhaps and I may push them myself; but again, that’s my choice. Too many times in my life I have not been in control of the direction I’ve been travelling, I’ve been trodden on and treated badly, not in control of my own destiny and unlike some people who seem content to let life push them about, I’m a feisty wench and I will fight back. Being treated with respect, communication and having a choice are all such huge issues with me they affect my every waking moment. In my relationships and my friendships I expect a bond of trust, a knowledge of boundaries and mutual understanding and I often look for this in other peoples relationships too, I like to see a balance. So often that is exactly what I fail to see and that saddens me.
However, this control and trust are never more apparent then during a blow job… no matter how rough it might get, how deep he sinks his cock down my throat, he trusts me with his most precious, beautiful penis and I trust him not to fuck my face mindlessly like a gagging ragdoll fuck toy…
Because that is not something I can be.
As a ‘sex’ blogger I consider myself pretty much a nonstarter, I’ve always thought that perhaps what I am is actually a lifestyle blogger who spends far too much time thinking about and having sex… The idea makes me smile so I guess that is what I am.
This last couple of months have been tough, it’s autumn and with that come the endless sniffles and nasty bugs and as a mother of small children I’ve had one after the other. Mr.Beam says I need time to recover, he did carefully point out that whilst he believes I need time to recover he’s not giving me an opening to take it, typically life goes on..
The most obvious effect this has all had on me is the total devastation of my libido.
I’m not in the high sex drive category of folk, I’m usually happy if I get a good seeing to a couple of times a week with a few decent wanks in between, yeah okay so some days I’m feral and pretty much insatiable, I’m sure most folks have those days… Not so this month..
November has been a wasteland of nonwanking, I have no urge, no desire, no je ne said quoi. I feel bland and uninteresting, usually I’d admit the only thing sexy about me is my state of mind, oh and good tits, apparently the arse is darn fine too but I can’t see that. Nope, I’ve lost my va va voom and it’s pissing me off…
Today is day four of my TOTM and by now I’m usually ripping up the sheets to be fucked, yet here I lay at 5.30am feelin,, well to be honest, fuck all…. I’m testing myself too, usually the mere thought of my glass vibe being in the freezer compartment will get me all hot and wet, the idea of sliding it’s chilled shaft inside me usually produces shivers and not from the cold. Perhaps it’s because my beloved glass vibe is broken too *sobs* and I have not found a suitable replacement, perhaps… but to be honest I have not been looking very hard, why bother?
I guess what I need is a plan, you know something excruciating and tiresome like healthy eating, spinach, broccoli and chicken soup, perhaps some gentle exercise involving being vertical as oppose to horizontal. Or many many many cuddles… Maybe I should wank anyway…. It always strikes me the more I get the more I want so perhaps a kick start is required!
In perspective though, I have to admit I can live with this… I am generally in good health as are my family, we have a lot to be thankful for and a few sniffles do seem rather like #firstworldproblems as twitter would say. The horn will return, it always does and with it I hope will come my desire to write, for yes, sadly it would seem that has gone too, this blog is starting to look like a barren wasteland and my sanity and need for escape is being tortured by my dullness.
I spend such a lot of time being smutty, thinking naughty thoughts, writing (eloquently I hope) about sex that it’s getting to a point where I’m finding interacting with people in a ‘normal’ clean decent fashion is becoming an issue.
Case in point – yesterday. Walking past Ann Summers in the city I noticed they have their sale on. I stated my interest, my sister (we are on the same page about most things) nodded with interest, her friend exclaimed “My God you are actually considering that!” I looked at her in surprise “Of course I am, I do love a bargain! I’ve got Ann Summers undies on today!” Her face was a picture. My sister did point out her friend was “Religious” and not always comfortable with subjects I find natural to talk about.
During the rest of the day I tried really hard to be on my best behaviour, it was the least I could do for my sister, I talked about my holiday, my kids, I would have attempted to join in the conversation about trash TV except I never watch it and so (as usual) have no idea who some B’list presenter was & I really couldn’t give a monkeys arse who got the sack on some convoluted excuse for entertainment…
I even held back when my tweet regarding having a Costa in Bath wouldn’t go through due to the shit signal in the dear old city and she commented under her breath that I should “Get a life” (Isn’t it funny how these people who claim to have a life always know who every celebrity is what they are doing with their career and life and watch what must amount to hours and hours of telly – living their ‘life’ vicariously? I prefer my social network of twitter pals #justsaying)
Don’t think I didn’t get my own back…. I bit my tongue very successfully but I wasn’t going to miss out on the Ann Summers sale! I had a grin like a slice of watermelon when the lady in question ventured to the back of the shop to try on undies and I proceeded to have a loud conversation with my sister about the merits of the different vibrators *sniggers* I even regaled them with the mint lube story.
Thinking forward, I have a fair few social engagements coming up where I’m going to have to be ‘super vanilla’ a wedding and a girls night and I do wonder why my social life when it occurs is so boringly main stream…
I honestly don’t think it’s me that’s the issue here, I’m just super cool and love talking smut 😉
Everyone else is uptight *sniggers*
To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here
then follow the arrows to the next post