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I know… I’m not supposed to be here but as a Life blogger who thinks too much about sex my mind just won’t let me rest sometimes until I vent a little (still waiting for someone to call me out on the ‘not a sex blogger’ thing ūüėČ ) so I’m venting…¬†It’s probably because today I’m without my usual joyful method of procrastination and the fact that I’ve been reading too much about it recently but I can help letting my mind wander over the subject of cock… Shame ain’t it.

A man’s penis is the¬†appendage that often, his whole world will revolve around, physically and mentally. Often without them realising the extent of it’s influence. ¬†I love cock… you may have noticed. Nothing is more sexy than a man in a sharp suit with a throbbing hard on, looking at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman on earth, his eyes begging me to undress him and be undressed. Makes me clench just thinking about it and that’s before any physical contact has¬†occurred. I’m a Man-Fan, rough cold hands, eye twinkling¬†filthiness, wonderful strong arms… ¬†In fact, I have been called the only straight female ‘sex blogger’ because of my appreciation of maleness… (Not that given the opportunity of some guilt free, no ties pussy eating, I wouldn’t have a go because I probably would, I’m just not bi-curious enough to go seek it out, instigate it or except an invitation.) …so when I was asked to write a review about a book on blow jobs I giggled and agreed. It seems every sex blogger all over the world has been asked to review this book so most of you will know which it is, I’m still waiting to hear back from the author on a point in issue, so I’ll just point out this is not the review… but it has made me think more about¬†manliness, cock,¬†blow-jobs, why I enjoy giving them and I can sum up for you exactly what gets my blood pumping, why I enjoy lavishing attention on his cock so much in one word.


You want to put your cock where? In my mouth? With all my teeth? Of course I won’t use them on you darling unless you would like me too! But I could… couldn’t I… and you want my hands too, stroking your shaft and massaging your balls? How about I suck your balls gently too? All three? My pleasure…. ¬†And that is where the power comes from, I won’t, but I could and that is my choice, not yours…

Excuse me for getting a kick out of that but perhaps it’s a kink of mine, I love to suck cock, relishing loving attention and devotion on your member and I will enjoy it endlessly, the texture, the shape, the taste, Mmmm… yes I bloody will… but it’s on my terms, I get to be in Control and that’s the rule.

Is that so wrong of me?

Control is a major issue for me, I am a control freak , my personal boundaries are pretty wide but I don’t like to be pushed, nudged gently perhaps and I may push them myself; but again, that’s my choice. Too many times in my life I have not been in control of the direction I’ve been travelling, I’ve been trodden on and treated badly, not in control of my own destiny and unlike some people who seem content to let life push them about, I’m a feisty wench and I will fight back. ¬†Being treated with respect, communication and having a choice are all such huge issues with me they affect my every waking moment. ¬†In my relationships and my friendships I expect a bond of trust, a knowledge of boundaries and mutual understanding and I often look for this in other peoples relationships too, I like to see a balance. ¬†So often that is exactly what I fail to see and that saddens me.

However, this control and trust are never more apparent then during a blow job… no matter how rough it might get, how deep he sinks his cock down my throat, he trusts me with his most precious, beautiful penis and I trust him not to fuck my face mindlessly like a gagging ragdoll fuck toy…

Because that is not something I can be.


Female Fuckbuddy?

You know those time where you think you are missing out and you really don’t want to but you feel you have just missed the boat and even if you caught it, the ride might not be to your liking anyway? That…

I expect you are all groaning and mumbling “What the fuck…” as usual.

Basically it’s this. I’m really open minded, as long as it doesn’t involve Children, Animals and it’s consensual you can get up to what you like and within the vast constraints in my¬†personal¬†life, so can I.

Only I can’t…

I’m not – no matter how much I think I would like to be – Sexually¬†attracted¬†to other women, in any way and I find this a little disappointing to say the least. Over the years I must have met and enjoyed the company of hundreds of people and silently in my head somewhere, quite often at¬†subconscious¬†level I have that annoyingly human propensity to file them in little boxes, like “not hot” “agreeable” “fairly hot” ¬†“Fuck, I’d do you” and that rare beast “Take me now!!!”¬†¬†I’ve never met a woman who gets further then an appreciative reflective “fairly hot”.

I’ve even discussed this with a friend of mine who just happens to be a lesbian, she said “You are just going to have to face the fact, as sad as it is, that you are straight and get over it!” She said this with a wry smile on her face too. She was amused by the idiocy of a straight woman, who actually would quite like to experience another woman but can’t find one she even remotely fancies because basically they are women and she doesn’t fancy them. I know, it’s daft.

Lets face it a female fuck-buddy would be awesome. Would there be anything more wonderful then sex with another woman? I mean all that soft skin, a delectable pussy to explore, nipple and breasts to squeeze. Other great win points are neither of us would get pregnant, there would be no arguments about the toilet seat being left up and if I had a problem she could help me discuss it rather than offering a solution without really listening! But, No matter how I think of it I can’t see it becoming a¬†possibility.

Honestly, I’m getting wet just writing the last paragraph. I wonder if this perhaps means that somewhere, out in the world somewhere is a woman who could make me feel that spark of desire, to take the leap forward and revel in the delights of her glorious body and allow her to enjoy mine. It would take that spark too, the “Fuck, I’d do you” category because without it I don’t do anyone, a lesson I learnt in my ever so slightly promiscuous 20’s after a few ‘mistakes’, it doesn’t matter how horny you are you have to live with your choices of partner, so I’d always tried to pick men I could remember with a clench and a smile.

A gentleman friend said to me this week on this very subject “You know, there is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with being straight.” and I do know that, although the internet and erotica seems to be full of Bi-Curious women trying to find some one to slake the curiosity, I’m aware that I’m actually very confident in my sexuality, I guess that is why I feel that I might have missed the boat, because I don’t feel the need to¬†actively¬†explore this sexual element. ¬†I just continue on my journey in “Cockdom” enjoying the delights of the male body and mind, any wondering if there might be a woman out there who could ignite my lust is so deep in my mind that unless someone else says something it never occurs to me. Part of me hopes it’s not¬†impossible¬†though, part of me how ever dormant, still looks at women to see if they make the “Fuck, I’d do you”¬†category, ¬†she would have to be very special, one could argue that such a woman might not exist and in all¬†probability¬†if she did, she wouldn’t fancy me anyway…

Such is life.


TMI Tuesday: Sex & the inadequacy of multiple choice.

1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.
d. Let the affair become physical.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested.
b. Flirt with him but go no further
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed.
d. Let the relationship become sexual.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex.
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other
d. Leave him or her

e. Start open and frank discussions on the subject, expressing your needs, how they feel, working through solutions which might involve answers a-d and then consider the options.

4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.

e. Exploring new ideas and positions to bring about b. via d including…

f. being a tool to bring about their orgasm too.

5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweeet
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’

e. One who can pick up the nuances of my mood to work out if I need a or c

Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that?

No. In a word.

In fact when we are together in public I’m just as likely to point out another sexy person to him as he is to ogle one ūüėČ It doesn’t work so well the other way around¬†unfortunately, I think perhaps my tastes are either more refined (I might get told off for that comment) or just not as obvious.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.


Happy TMI Tuesday!

Love Letter #2

Dear Mb,

You are intoxicating.

I can’t get enough of you.

My hands wandering over your silken skin, roaming, kneading, grasping, pulling at your flesh. My lips on yours, kissing you wildly, without restraint. Having you in my arms, wrapped around you, feeling the rising passion trapped within you, aching for escape.

Snatching seclusion in an isolated spot, laying you down, exploring your body with my hands roaming under your skirt, cupping your arse in my hands as we kiss each other frantically. Your hands on my chest, caressing my skin wantonly, fingers grasping the fastenings of my trousers.

The grip of my hands on your skin, teasing, pulling, kissing down your neck, your shoulder, your chest, releasing your heaving breasts, sucking hard on your nipple, pulling you into my hungry mouth, teeth teasing you mercilessly. Your gasping hot breath resounding in my ear as you tightly clutch my head to you.

I wanted desperately to satisfy your every desire, my body burning with passion to have you. The feeling of the soft skin of your fingers searching in my trousers, relishing the heat of what you find, gently stroking, soothing my heat for you, yet stoking my passion.

Our time together so precious, our parting so aching, yet we will do it all over again and again and again.

I held you in my arms and didn’t want to let go, but let go I had too.


Your Paramour xxx

The Power of Sex…

I’ve been asked;

Is it the thought of sex or sex itself that is more powerful for you?

It’s an intriguing question, one which I have spent a fair amount of time considering.

The thoughts of sex? 

I do think about sex a lot, sex and entanglement, of emotion, of desire. ¬†The flirtatious firsts, kissing, touching, words spoken, body language, the unwritten signs, sexual¬†chemistry. ¬†The inner workings, thought¬†patterns, lack of thought patterns. Deeper still; the movement, texture, smell, sound. At some point during everything I write I pause and think, what is she thinking, did he like that, is this working…

What turns me on, what turns me off…

Scenarios of sex play through my mind, stories need to brew until they over boiling from my head. I actually find it hard to write to a prompt or on a specific day, for personal reasons writing erotica on a Friday or at the weekend is much harder for me. ¬†Which is why I try extra hard to join in with the prompted time related writing – it’s the masochistic streak in me.

Words fill my mind, I find a lot of writers don’t read, to a degree I’m guilty of that too, I have my favourite blogs that I try (and usually fail) to keep up with, they are not all erotic blogs, often human interest – people intrigue me, will she, won’t she, has he? These thoughts are¬†ultimately¬†about sex (or money.)

I have a deep passion for carefully constructed seductive words. If I find an erotic writer who articulately expresses their writing in a way that makes my mind reel and body react I will read everything they write. Words go through my head and my body follows. The way to my passion is through words.  I appreciate their danger like so few others.

Thoughts of sex are extremely powerful. In my head sex is exciting and positive, enthralling and beguiling. Nothing ever turns me off because I won’t let it happen, it’s all rose tinted and perfect even when it’s messy and squelchy, dirty and nasty – it all flows perfectly.

Sex itself?

Is fabulous, it contains everything my kookie mind dreams up because I do like putting my thoughts into actions, my other half is open to suggestions but to be honest he is just as good at coming up with ideas and feeling how he goes as I am.

Putting him aside for a moment and considering the question from the angle my friend wanted to know about.

Sex actually can be hard to get right, so many things can let you down. ¬†New partners although exciting a prospect do not flow like holywood movie stars, not everything will click, whilst this can be fun to fathom out it can also be difficult if you don’t know how to communicate your need, how do you say ‘actually that isn’t working’ in the full throng of fellatio ;-0

Someone says the wrong thing, misinterprets your mood, bodily functions¬†interrupt¬†the atmosphere. There might be too much light, not enough light, the music isn’t getting you off, you drank too much, you didn’t drink enough!


As I have said before, I’m a Venusian and things on Venus are much more refined then on Mars, or Earth for that matter, can a woman who dreams of perfect ever expect that to happen in real life with all it’s uncomfortable limb entangled, misunderstanding, farting, coughing, finding a stray pubic hair in your mouth mess that is REALITY??

Well, it has happened so why should it not happen again *smirks*

Now whilst you might think this answers his question and the thought is more alluring then the act I’d like to add that ¬†my friend also asked me:

Is the thought of having an affair…. the daydreams… fantasies….. better than the real thing…. in the long run.

and to be honest with you my dear I have no idea… Is having an affair a good idea at all? ¬†Would it not be better off being in the open? A¬†consensual¬†arrangement between partners of an acknowledged physical need for variety? In my dreams…

Some would say no. Because of the emotional attachment that seems to get involved, the longing, the desire, the haunting feeling that comes of not being able to have the one person you want. The futility of knowing what you have however good it was before may never be right again, not to mention living with the guilt, the betrayal.

Some would say yes. The thrill of the chase, the adrenaline, the discovery of a new person, the potential of¬†fulfillment….

Sexual utopia for me would perhaps be a place where experimentation with other people is permissive IF the parties concerned were able to separate their feelings from the act, in my experience this is a rare occurrence.

I can’t help thinking that the more I think about sex and having sex, the thought of lovers and being the object of someones desire , of being wanted, held and loved for the sake of the moment the more questions I find I have…

To my friend who asked the question I’d say that any conclusions I may ever reach on the subject – and finding a conclusion is not looking good – would only ever apply to me in that moment. I can’t answer this for you.

~ * ~

To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Love Letter #1

Dear Paramour

Honestly, I can hardly contain my excitement, in such a short time I will be holding you in my arms and loving you. ¬†It’s amazing, writing this I am shaking with¬†anticipation.

Your kiss is divine, opening a doorway to my soul. I can’t wait to feel your soft lips caress mine, teasing them between yours as my body reacts to your silken kisses. I long to feel your hot breath at my neck, your tongue tracing my collar bone, your hands pulling at my clothing in your haste to feel my skin under your fingertips. ¬†Your hands, my skin, touch never had such potency.

My breath escapes me as I think of you sucking my breasts, teeth pulling at my nipples, biting my flesh. My mouth waters as I remember the taste and texture of your cock, the long hard shaft, the feel of your balls on my tongue, your semen exploding on the back of my throat, my pussy throbs remembering the look in your eye.

I want to lay with you, explore, play, tease and be with you. Listen to you whisper words of love in my ear, dirty, slutty words of filth as your fingers enter me, feeling my desire for you. ¬†I’m going to watch as you move down my body, holding me down, stroking my hips, nibbling my thighs, drinking me in.

How will you take me my love? Will you push my legs against my body, thrusting deep, making me quiver as you fill me? Will you turn me over and grasp my hips as you drive your passion to the core of my being? Will you tease me to the point of orgasm then pause.  Listening whilst I beg you to let me cum, listening to my breathing rasp in short desperate bursts, listening to my lust as I can no longer control my need for you.

Will you hold me in your arms, where I should be, for a snatched moment?

I will wait, it’s not long now…


Your Em.x

He’s right – and here is why….

Apparently it’s true…

I’ve got over the angst ridden part of being told I’m not the type to have an affair, it still riles¬†me though, especially the bit about there being¬†a type of woman who does have affairs *stomps feet* and the implication that perhaps I’m not sexy enough or wild enough to do it… *smarts fury* *breathes* and of course since last Sunday I’ve been analysing myself, working it through, trying to see why it might be true – I’m a Scorpio, we do this.

So, what have I discovered?

Well, I stand by my initial diagnosis, with the right man at the right time I could all too easily be attracted to someone enough to have an affair. ¬†Although I’m often in despair of what I see in the mirror I’ve always been the type of woman with a bedside manner which demands much nakedness and I’m not adverse to the idea of a new fella seeing my body *quakes* not the right fella…¬†¬†¬†So, I’m physically capable of it, lust driven in the heat of passion with sexy kissing and lovely big hands stroking my skin and fondling my breasts, Mmmmm.

I’m not sure it’s the guilt angle, I’m very good at compartmentalising my life, I’ve always done it, I’m sure if it felt right, it wouldn’t be wrong…

So what changed my mind?

This morning someone told me I’m always putting other people first, caring for people and yes, I have always been a people person. ¬†I hate to see¬†others hurt, to think I have caused hurt and I also hate to feel hurt myself, although this does happen in the course of putting others first too bloody frequently.¬† You see the thing is, I’m not sure I could have sex with someone now without feeling some emotional attachment because they would have to be a pretty special kind of man.¬†¬† In my 20’s it was almost all too easy, in fact I always felt I had quite a male approach to sex, positive¬†detachment, it’s served me well. I often sit and snicker to myself at some flash back or other from then, no regrets. ūüėČ ¬†but now I’m not so sure…¬† So my idle fantasies of having lovers are perhaps not as attainable as I’d once thought, even if my partner had agreed.¬† Is it a mind-set¬†I could acquire with an open and honest approach to the situation, should it occur?¬† Because, honestly, if there were someone who was that special, how do you walk away? How do you be that close to them and then stop being with them?¬†Not long to touch them or hold them… Hurt yourself and them over and over by walking away from each other again and again….

It’s hard.¬† Too hard and very hurtful.

Isn’t it?

– – ~ * ~ – –

To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post

Both Images from Tumblr unaccredited

Not the type to have an affair…

Apparently I’m not…

There is a man on Twitter who I have met, easy you lot it’s platonic, yes he is lovely and I value his friendship. He¬†said to me that I’m not the type to have an affair…¬† Now¬†you know about Sex and the Needy Woman¬† on respecting my parners wishes etc…¬† and due to circumstances in real life I’ve had cause to give having an affair (which to date I’d like to point out I have not) a great deal of thought and apart from not considering at all that the women who feel the need or inclination are a type, I think I actually could do it, with the right man for the right reasons and circumstances…

How can you say to someone they are not a type to have an affair? How do you know that for sure? Do I have prude or supremely loyal printed through me like a stick of rock? I have a friend of mine, religious? Yes. upright citizen? Yes. Has Children, spends a lot of time in the community and she had an affair! You would never in a million years have thought it!

Yet me.. Little know smut writer with a raunchy tumblr that grown men tell me makes them gasp, is not the type…

And the really bizarre thing about this whole situation? I have NO IDEA why I’m so bothered about this!!!


Windows to the soul

I had a dream last night, it unnerved me and laid me bare and then soothed me so I woke up wishing it would never end.

I went to a hairdressers, not particularly unusual except I have very difficult hair to style, its thin and slightly kinky and does its own thing, bit like me really except for the thin bit… My ‘usual’ lady was not available so I left and wandered to a salon down the road, why I had no appointment strikes me as odd but then in dream world odd happens so frequently.¬† I found a salon where the hairdresser, huge lady with peroxide blonde hair and shrill pink lipstick, shredded my hair as I sat gobsmacked in the chair.

How many times have I been horrified with a trip to the hairdresser? Countless, I can’t tell you how many, which is why when I find someone who can manage to make a serviceable job I latch on to her like a new-born baby (not literally you understand) but for each time I’ve had this ghastly upset feeling, I’ve paid the bill and slunk away to lick my wounds in private.¬† Not so dream me! She ranted and raved, refused to pay, was powerful and commanding and left satisfied everyone in the street knew her displeasure – Go Me!

And yet my heart was breaking and I just wanted to wake up.

I found myself at my usual hairdressers where she and her friends exclaimed in horror at my coiffure, I was handed a stiff drink but she could do nothing, apparently I needed her friend Derek.

She rang him, he could see me, she wrote his address on a piece of paper and smiled at me, apparently I was a ‘lucky girl’

I’ve had male hairdressers before and I have found they don’t particularly fall into the gay, scissor waving, ‘So did you see what Petra was wearing at the Roxie last night! I almost died!’ variety that you see on the television. But Derek was not exactly what I did expect either.

The address was a private one, a townhouse in a terrace made of pale cream Bath stone, elegant and refined with expansively blooming hanging baskets by the door.¬† The door was answered by a huge, tall Black man of about 6ft¬†5″, he was wearing shorts, that’s all and his pecs¬†and wash board abs make my mouth drop open now as I type remembering him, oh my, lucky girl doesn’t even go there. I introduced myself and he reached out and ran his fingers through my hair, uttering in the deepest voice I have ever heard “You really need me don’t you darlin'”¬† Need? This goes beyond what I need, this dream just entered the realms of I Never Want To Wake Up!

So, he led me the garden, a courtyard affair with high walls keeping the neighbours eyes away, it was sunny but comfortable with many flower boxes, he asked me to sit on one of two stools, I did as I was told meekly and felt a thrill as he pulled the other stool up behind me close, sitting on the stool so his thighs¬†encircled me, his long legs wrapping around mine. Running his fingers through my hair, I closed my eyes and relaxed as he worked methodically, his strong hands pulling gently at my hair, the sound of the scissors slicing overlaying the soft sound of his breathing so close to my ear.¬† After a while I felt his finger tips brush my shoulders and then something softer, his lips kissing behind my ear crooning “You smell so incredible, like strawberries” his hands held my shoulders firmly as he kissed my neck, slowly turning the stool, lips tracing my collar-bone, up my neck to my jaw, his hands cupping my breasts, thumbs¬†slowly caressing my nipples through my¬†blouse¬†¬†as I melted into his kisses my lips exploring his mouth, my hands on his thighs….

I woke up.

Yeah, crap eh….

So… Sex, and the needy woman…

Sex, fucking good isn’t it…

It can feel wonderful, delightful, hurt – in a great way, be fast and furious or slow and delicious , earth crashingly terrible, or perhaps because you are not getting any, extremely frustrating!

Men complain they don’t get any, that’s the stereotype isn’t it? – my wife doesn’t want sex, not interested. And so women are not supposed to want it that much…

How wrong can you get.

Because women do want it… well, lots of us anyway. I certainly do and I’m very lucky in the fact I have a partner with a reasonably high sex drive and I do get good sex whenever I want it.

But is it enough?

It would seem not.

It would seem that somehow, because of the respect and general gentlemanlyness of my partner, the fact we have been together for so long (although we are always up for trying something new)¬†and a miriad of other reasons I can’t even begin to fathom, it’s not enough…

I want a lover, or two. Not much to ask is it? It would appear so. Society isn’t very happy about it and to be honest neither is my partner.¬† Why do I feel like this? who knows. Fucked if I do… Except, I don’t really need more love… Respect, yes –¬†I want a kind of erotic escapism, new hands touching my body, finding my weeknesses, pushing my buttons, exploring my psyche, pushing my boundaries.

During an open and frank discussion with my partner I confessed my growing interest in having a MMF experience, so we chatted around this and also what a MFF experience would mean for him and ended up ruling the whole thing out, because although he can appreciate the interest and draw of the situation and got rather horny talking about it, he was unable to come to terms with the thought of another man touching me, this rules out an open marriage too. The begining of the end, something he feels he can’t handle, so I have to respect that don’t I.

And I do respect that, whilst feeling locked up in my little world of respectability… The begining of the end indeed.

Here ends my first and I’m sure but no means last random musing (not so heavily disguised scream for help) on the subject of sex….

Photo found on Tumblr – no credits