I like naked.
Naked feels good, clothes feel wrong. They confine me. I like to feel a breeze brush over my skin, my body to move unfettered. Apparently there is a label for people like me, it’s Naturist. I do love feeling closer to nature. So I’m ruling out the possibility I might be (like Urban Dictionary suggests) a pretentious Nudist 😉
Following on from my last post you would be forgiven for being confused. There seems to be a conception out there that naturist are exhibitionist. Right or wrong, I couldn’t say. I’ve not been able to be naked in public since I was about 9 on a beach in France, apart from the changing rooms in the sports centre, I’d like to try again.
I don’t have a local ‘Naturist’ spot or spa around here, the nearest one appears to be just over an hour away and I have seen it said that it’s full of ‘clothes’ out for a leer *shudders*. I’d like to find an isolated spot, in a forest somewhere secluded and fling my clothes off, caution and skin to the wind. The thought of someone finding me like that, alone, scares seven bells out of me!
It’s just not to be is it…
So I will continue to wear as little clothing as I can outside my home. Walk through the door, strip off…
You say it’s your birthday
(Birthday TMI questions suggested by Heelsnstocking)
1. What star sign are you?
Scorpio *watches everyone run for cover*
2. Do you believe in horoscopes?
No, I can not be defined into a neat 12th of the population, I am far to bolshie 😉
3. When is your birthday?
4. What’s the worst birthday gift a partner has given you?
A stuffed rabbit (Don’t tell him I told you that!)
5. Are you organised when it comes to other people’s birthdays?
Once upon a time yes, I used to buy all the cards in January for the entire year, these days, no in fact I frequently miss them.
6. How do you normally celebrate your birthday?
It used to be a tradition of mine to go shopping with my Mum, I’d always have the day off work and we would get sloshed in a pub at lunch time. In recent years I plot a few hours of #metime and just go and hide out somewhere quiet. Life gets noisy y’know.
7. If you could be one age again what would it be? Why?
26, it was a great age, truely excellent year…
8. What would be your ideal birthday treat?
I’d like a birthday BBQ… So hotish weather and a beach. It sounds simple and it is, except I’m British and November doesn’t tend to feature beach weather.
Bonus: Tell us your best birthday memory?
We went and bought my little cat. she was a tiny bundle of mischief, so adorable.
Bonus, Bonus: May we see you in your birthday suit? (post a photo)
Er… No, you mayn’t… It would crash the server 😉
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.
Those who have been here before will know I have an inbuilt resistance towards posting pictures of myself. Anywhere. It’s not because I think I’m ugly, misshapen or unattractive. I think it’s just because I’m the opposite of an exhibitionist, whatever that might be. I’m not an inhibitionist, I don’t think I have hang up or are inhibited as such. I’m uncomfortable posting my picture and, yes I like my words to stand for themselves (yay! Venusian reference!) without my physical attributes accredited to my sentiment. It’s about judgement isn’t it? Yes, to a degree.
What would you say to a 90 year old discussing her vagina? Or a 17 year old musing that she has had a fair amount of experience sexually. It’s a bit weird to say the least? Without a picture in your head to attribute my thoughts to, you can choose your own picture to place me in, is this not better? I’m sure any image you find pleasing is far better then the reality.
I greatly resist looking at those glossy covers on novels, turn them over an there’s often a picture of the author. Their picture takes something away from their writing, I’m not sure how but I can see them creating the fiction, their brow furrowed in thought as the images flow. Somehow that lessens my visualisation of their work.
If I want you to read what I’m saying from the standpoint of just reading my words and the images they bring forth in your imagination, does knowing what I look like alter your perception? Or is the desire to picture me heightened by the experience of reading what I write?
This comes down to my inner desire to be seen for the thoughts beyond the flesh, a thinking, sexual woman, no other tags need apply. Age, skin colour, the look in my eye, the twist of my mouth, it’s immaterial to what I’m trying to convey. I think I feel the need to be a sentient being, seen through my words rather than posting pictures of my intimate parts is due to not wanting to distract from who I am. In this place, I’m not trappede by my body, my mind soars. It’s a personal thing.
I know other bloggers with an exhibitionist streak post words and pictures to incredible effect, stirring readers beyond anything I could ever achieve. I’m even a little jealous of the gratification they reap from this. It must feel incredible. Like with so many things though, I have to admit to myself, this is not for me. I’ve pushed my boundaries on this in the past, here on this blog and I can’t say I’m happy, even with these tame images being present.
I did scan through tumblr thinking about putting a picture on this post as I so often do… It seemed wrong given the subject matter.
I’m in a strange space. My head is empty, my heart is heavy. I feel like a vast mass of nothingness stretching out to eternity. I am a created masterpiece and yet a blank canvas.
It seems ironic that my friends have on occasions expressed an opinion that I am wise. I apparently offer wisdom and encourage thought. One wishes this would bring comfort to ones self. It doesn’t, it’s just a tease at my inability to know what I should do to feel better, to feel complete. I’ve been trying to think what I would say to someone else feeling similar; The conclusion was I would tell them to Write; to discover, to explore, to express. I write, it’s what I do beyond being a Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter. When people ask me what I ‘do’ I have to bite back the response ‘I’m a writer’ and answer ‘I’m a mother’. Perhaps it’s this denial that makes me feel a lack of foundation, sadly it’s this world that makes it so, because of what I choose to write.
So amongst reasons in deciding to start writing here again is the need for self-expression. I am a sexual woman, I think about sex more than the average man, although perhaps not the physical mechanics, more the emotional/mental semantics of it all. When I started writing here it was a release, I enjoyed the bright colour and thrill it brought to my life. I miss that. I no longer have the shroud of anonimity but those that now know who I am can be trusted. I am grasping to the hope that this will allow me free reign with my train of thought. I don’t know, I’m a very private person.
A lot of this blog is humorous, I have really enjoyed re reading it, is it wrong to laugh at the way I see the world? Perhaps. I like to laugh, it can make or break a day. But I’m in a different place now than last May, a different place from February too… I don’t know how this is going to go.
So, my plans for this tiny corner of the interwebs? I need a space to vent and muse, shout, cry, get horny, lustful, naughty and sometimes just write. Stay, read, enjoy or not… If not, move on.
I encourage others to express themselves too but people often feel trepidicious about writing a blog or admitting to feeling sexual needs, so I’m offering a page to anyone who wants to muse on moonbeams, scribble fiction or vent, paint pictures, take photos… They can find a home here. (at my discretion).
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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here.
The answer to that one is probably “Yes, but not in a good way!”
We are going camping. *Looks at the sky* FFS…
Wellies packed, anoraks waterproofed, unbrellas at the ready —> Go!
I do intend to get some tent sex but otherwise this is not going to be pretty 😉
See you when I get back. xx
And so the story begins…
I’ve thought for a while I’ve needed somewhere extra ‘incognito’ to say what I need to say without fear of reprisals or someone I know waving a finger, not that what I have to say is out there or particularly weird or kinky, it’s just I don’t want anyone to know it’s me saying them, is that too much to ask?
Well, we shall see….
But what is the point in randomly ruminating about stuff when no one hears you? We all like to be heard in one way or another, so I’ve decided, for better or worse to set up a twitter a/c just so my thoughts might get heard, by someone, who may or may not read them.
That’s enough for me for now….