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Period Piece

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WARNING FELLA’S!!

If you don’t like reading about MENSTRUATION

hit the X in the top right hand corner.

Go on, Vamos!

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I remember reading a post on Molly’s Daily Kiss a few months ago that made me smile, you know one of those slow knowing smiles when you find someone writing something you can really relate to, her post A Period Drama  concerning sex during menstruation was the first post that made me see the incredible depth she enjoys in her relationship with Signs. It also made me appreciate the relationship I have with himself.

My “problem” is my period often makes me like a dog on heat. It starts off on a Emo day and I know it’s on it’s way, sore tits and the grumps, talk to me that day and I’m likely to blub, it’s only one day a month of otherwise good emotional stability, I consider myself lucky.  Two days later and hey! Surprise surprise, lets head to the supermarket for the monthly supply.

From then on the urge to orgasm gets stronger and stronger, if left alone by the time the curse has gone I am wound up enough to go on the rampage! As a respectable member of society it’s the responsible thing to try and do something about my raging horn at least mid period, knock an edge off it, so to speak.  After living through this a few times I know my options well.  The easiest option is of course wanking, truly the least satisfactory option, a solitary, sultry, sneaky wank might be the most desirable course of action at other times of the month but not then, that would be too easy… Wanking each other is far more fun but again, smooths the edge slightly, not enough.

The second option is to get on with it anyway, I’m no less sexy to him, apart from the odd pimple perhaps but let’s face it ladies, with an understanding partner it is of course fine, messy yes but still enjoyable. However, the chances are if you are like me, you are not comfortable enough to even consider it an option! He gets that look in his eye and I watch his not insubstantial BFF getting it’s own ideas and he gets told firmly that he’s not shoving that in my pussy! No Sir! Bugger OFF!!

Which brings me neatly to option three. The sweet one, the one that hits the spot, knocking all kinds of edges into a diamond cut.  Himself often calls me his par 3 girl. Don’t worry, I had to refer to the mecca of wisdom on all sex slang phrases myself.  Urban Dictionary has quite a lot to say on the subject of Par and of course we all know this is the WORD.

Three Hole Par
When you shag a girl in the mouth, the pussy and the arse.
He took his cock from her mouth and placed in in her pussy. After a while she said she was ready and he gave her an anal ride, completing his three hole par

…and as they say ‘two outta three aint bad.’  and somehow, anal sex is far better at that time of the month then at any other time.

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TMI Tuesday: Sex & the inadequacy of multiple choice.

1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.
d. Let the affair become physical.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested.
b. Flirt with him but go no further
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed.
d. Let the relationship become sexual.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex.
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other
d. Leave him or her

e. Start open and frank discussions on the subject, expressing your needs, how they feel, working through solutions which might involve answers a-d and then consider the options.

4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.

e. Exploring new ideas and positions to bring about b. via d including…

f. being a tool to bring about their orgasm too.

5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweeet
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’

e. One who can pick up the nuances of my mood to work out if I need a or c

Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that?

No. In a word.

In fact when we are together in public I’m just as likely to point out another sexy person to him as he is to ogle one 😉 It doesn’t work so well the other way around unfortunately, I think perhaps my tastes are either more refined (I might get told off for that comment) or just not as obvious.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

 

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Orgasm Envy!

I’m not a jealous person. Sometimes I wish I were because as a writer I often feel it would be handy to feel such a strong emotion, from a descriptive point of view. No, I’m pretty laid back, I get twinges of envy like everyone does, when someone says “I’m going to lock myself in the garden room at the bottom of our six acre landscaped garden and quietly write, I have an Italian espresso machine in there…” I mean – who wouldn’t! But jealousy no, not really. I think to myself, I expect they earned it or I convince myself quiet thoroughly usually that what I have in my cramped corner of Blighty is actually all I need to be happy.

Until someone starts knocking on about their orgasms… You know the ones.

“We fucked for 3 hours and I had 8 orgasms!!” Eight… twinges of envy start arising and the conversation in my head starts getting louder…

“She had eight orgasms! He must be good, what was he doing to her? She must cum easily lucky cow, I bet it was awesome, perhaps they are not very big ones, perhaps they just chip away at her horniness, I wonder if she feels sated at all? Hmmmmm.”  and so my surprised expression turns to one of doubt and then a frown as I convince myself not to be jealous.  I guess it’s a survival thing.

The thing with orgasms is we just can’t experience each others to know if we are missing something or not! I mean Mrs.Eightinthreehours might not have as much pleasure as I do with my intensely built up, mentally and physically incapacitating, overwhelmingly, body wrackingly, often multiple, huge ones… The most I’ve ever experienced in 3 hours is two of those and I thought I might sleep for a week! I don’t sound very convinced do I? So I suppose I have to follow the route of ‘you are better off not knowing’ and just enjoy them as often as I can.

And then again I get days like yesterday and today when my brain tells me I’m hot to trot and even after four screamers the edge of my horniness is still cutting like a carving knife, my body responds to every touch but because it’s still quaking from the last orgasm all of 3 minutes ago I can’t go there…  Then I must admit I’m jealous of Mrs.EightinThreehours because I’m feral and insatiable and and and it’s just not bloody fair!!

 

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Love Letter #1

Dear Paramour

Honestly, I can hardly contain my excitement, in such a short time I will be holding you in my arms and loving you.  It’s amazing, writing this I am shaking with anticipation.

Your kiss is divine, opening a doorway to my soul. I can’t wait to feel your soft lips caress mine, teasing them between yours as my body reacts to your silken kisses. I long to feel your hot breath at my neck, your tongue tracing my collar bone, your hands pulling at my clothing in your haste to feel my skin under your fingertips.  Your hands, my skin, touch never had such potency.

My breath escapes me as I think of you sucking my breasts, teeth pulling at my nipples, biting my flesh. My mouth waters as I remember the taste and texture of your cock, the long hard shaft, the feel of your balls on my tongue, your semen exploding on the back of my throat, my pussy throbs remembering the look in your eye.

I want to lay with you, explore, play, tease and be with you. Listen to you whisper words of love in my ear, dirty, slutty words of filth as your fingers enter me, feeling my desire for you.  I’m going to watch as you move down my body, holding me down, stroking my hips, nibbling my thighs, drinking me in.

How will you take me my love? Will you push my legs against my body, thrusting deep, making me quiver as you fill me? Will you turn me over and grasp my hips as you drive your passion to the core of my being? Will you tease me to the point of orgasm then pause.  Listening whilst I beg you to let me cum, listening to my breathing rasp in short desperate bursts, listening to my lust as I can no longer control my need for you.

Will you hold me in your arms, where I should be, for a snatched moment?

I will wait, it’s not long now…

Love.

Your Em.x

Purrrrfection?

I’ve been reading Molly’s Pussy Pride entries, which are like their owners I suspect, all different sizes and appearances.  I thought I’d jump on the band wagon, even though I have written about my ‘train wreck pussy’ before.  My previous post was might have been a little bit on the sarcastic side, I do suffer from that, even if my point at the end was valid. I may not of made it clear of my true appreciation of this particular piece of my anatomy.

Since May 13th I have been happily refering to my pussy as ‘my own personal train wreck’  it has ceased to worry me that it might be bigger and messier than some because of the pleasure it gives me.

The first time I can remember having an orgasm I must have been about 6, I was in my bed idly fiddling as kids do and pow! What a revelation! Since then I have happily wanked my way though my life. I’d like to point out that I have no problems with wanking – I love it, nay, I’m a bit of an addict,  it seems my last post was misinterpreted by some – my fault intirely, I’m the writer… I feel no shame in wanking at all.

My pussy has fairly large lips.  They are very sensitive and feel incredible when teased, nibbled or licked.  I can take that treatment for hours, unless I’m on a feral day. The outer lip wall protrudes slightly too, which also loves being stroked, even pinched sometimes.  Inside, my g-spot is fairly obvious if you know what you are feeling for, the skin is rougher to the touch and flatter, it has a bounce to it as you press it, feels a bit like a mini trampoline 😉  My clit is fairly well hooded but once teased out it doesn’t hold back in helping me achieve earth shattering orgasms.

My pussy changed so much after having my son, obviously cutting and forceps are never going to leave your anatomy as it was (I can almost see all the chaps cringing out there and all the ladies nodding in empathy) but I never realised how much better sex would feel once I healed, she’s so much more sensitive all round and the other half can push in so much deeper *drifts off* mmmmmm.

She is immensely well treated.  It’s the only area of my body that I will regularly go to a beauty salon for. I might get my nails done once a year and I’m toying with the idea of leg waxing… but the Brazilian is a fixture, every 6 weeks  hot wax, ouchie time – worth every penny, turning the 70’s porn star look into a silky soft haven of pussy purrrrfection.

She also has her own personal collection of toys, my beloved glass vibe, the rampant rabbit with it’s vibrating balls which is fucking wonderful but only really good for knocking the edge off my horniness (I think I might have broken that actually *sniggers*) and my bullet.  I also have a selection of other toys but perhaps that should be saved for a different post….
Pussy Pride

To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Do I Deserve Absolution for my Sin?!

I’m feeling a little guilty so I thought I’d try and confess my sin (rhetorically and with a splash of sarcasm if you please), it seems a popular thing to do at the moment and I know you will forgive me. (Although I expect to have to jump through a few hoops and say some dirty words of absolution…)

Firstly, I’d like to say in my defense it’s the holiday here. I am a woman who clings to her head space like a junky clings to their dealer.  Without my weekly pockets of quiet I can not be me, I can not be productive, I can not write… You get the picture right? This has been a tough week. The smalls are at home and so is the OH.

So what is the problem? I miss wanking…. I MISS WANKING!!!! 

There, I got it off my chest and last night I just got off, on my own, very quickly but immensely pleasurably because I just needed a solitary bit of self loving.

Because it’s NOT THE SAME as having sex and NOT THE SAME as being wanked (although I do so love a good finger fuck – another post perhaps) and that is what was required last night for my sanity.  But I still feel guilty because the OH is a horny sod and he would have been jumping up and down to ‘help out’ if it was just an orgasm I required…

Shucks *hangs head in shame*

Feel free to dish out some punishment so I can atone for my sin 😉


To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Ice Ice Baby…

I’m a great fan of cold, love it, one might say I can’t get enough of it.  When I’m all hot and steamed up, cold hands running up my back make me shiver in the good way. Lick me, blow on it lovingly and  buttons get firmly pushed all over my body.  Ice cubes traced delicately around my nipples send me gasping, begging for more and push them inside me and I will probably have your babies…

Don’t worry, I’m well up to speed on how babies are made 😉

Glass dildos have a certain je ne sais quoi, especially when applied straight from the freezer.  My glass waterproof vibe from a certain high street sex toy shop is the Most. Amazing. Vibrator. In. The. World. it’s permanent place of residence when not in use is the ice cube tray in the freezer, Yum.

So when I was in that certain High Street sex toy shop and happened to see a Mint orgasm increasing cooling lube my face broke into a smile which probably made the shop assistant blush. I say probably, I wasn’t looking, I’d just fallen in love… (At this juncture I’d like to point out that this is not a sponsored post but I’m open to bribes suggestions concerning product reviews, especially lingerie  and tickets to theatres, just saying…)

Now, this green goo really does have a pleasant nip to it and it tastes pretty good too, as for orgasm enhancing I may have to do some experimentation to prove it wasn’t a fluke, you know, scientifically speaking.

But maybe it’s me, I’m the sensitive sort. (You can tell can’t you I know I oooze a sort of helpless female, lay back and take it, thinking of England charm…. Not.)  It’s left my lady parts rather swollen.  I’m making assumptions as to why because I don’t think the act itself was any more vigorous than usual although it has to be said I got what I was after Thursday more or less *grins and sniggers*  so I have to believe the gel has caused the swelling of my not so tiny and neat vagina.  It’s almost twice it’s normal size and chaffes as I walk!

This swelling does seem to be restricted to my genitalia, his seems so far unchanged in size typically, I asked him, ‘What do I do? There’s nothing I can put on it is there?’ and he said ‘For swelling anywhere else you put on a cold compress’ I frown until the light dawns ‘like a bag of frozen peas’ Mmmm this is looking interesting ‘Yes, but you will have to throw away the peas afterwards’ He knows I hate waste…

So, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon sitting on a freezer pack, covered in a pillow case, while I worked on my manuscript and it was very pleasant indeed! and yes, the swelling has eased a lot thank you for being concerned, if it happens again you will be the third to know no doubt.

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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post