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I’m open, not easy…

Some one called me inspirational…. I’m still speechless… *cough* yes, not likely I know… Usually I find my little ranty blog posts are inspired by others, something someone says will niggle away at my busy brain until it forms itself into something verging on coherent and requesting to be written.  This happened again this week.   I was immensely enjoying having a lovely telephone conversation with a fellow blogger, setting the world to rights etc, when something she said hit a large red and yellow bullseye in my brain. “I’m open, not easy.”

I ramble on about sex and it’s different aspects, I will express my opinion very clearly on sexual matters with practically anyone who wants to hear them via the internet, obviously I keep a tighter lid on what I think with people in my every day life, mostly people are not open, not able to admit to having a sexual nature so it’s best to keep quite, but on line, especially twitter, like finds like and openness is usually taken with the transparency and honesty with which it’s meant.  Sometimes people read my openness as something else and this does annoy me (although I understand why they might be misguided).

I’m open, not easy… I have desires, I like sex, I thrive on physical contact. Do I want to fuck you? No, I can safely say that unless I’ve actually told you to the contrary, I don’t. I’m happily married and regularly ‘serviced’ thanks all the same, I don’t need any help on that score. Just because I like to talk about sex doesn’t mean I’m swinging or having multi partners. So yeah, perhaps I muse about this fantasy or that but when you have something good going, why wreck it…

The blogesphere is full of bloggers who do tell you the intimate details of their sex lives and it makes very interesting reading, I know, I read a few of them and perhaps I’m living vicariously through their exploits. That’s my choice isn’t it? The same needs to apply to what I blog about and it occurs to me that I may have lost my way a little here. Everyone seems to be doing the “Last night I…” and I read these posts and wonder if that is what I should be doing to… only I know I can’t, it’s not me… That is what has spurned on all the jokes about not being a sex blogger.  You want that, you are in the wrong place, I need to do what I do which is mainly trying to make sense of this very strange and uptight little world we live in.

I’ve been a little bit cheesed off recently by a few commentors who appear to be implying that my life is less that it should be, their way is better, perhaps it is, but I am the navigator of my own life and I choose to live it the way I am. Whislt offers of a sexual nature might be appealing and flattering, as I’ve said from the beginning of this blog, it’s not an invitation I’m prepared to take.  You may get the impression I’m headstrong, the answer to that is only when I need to be and I will continue to live life as I see fit, being open, not easy.

Cock….

I know… I’m not supposed to be here but as a Life blogger who thinks too much about sex my mind just won’t let me rest sometimes until I vent a little (still waiting for someone to call me out on the ‘not a sex blogger’ thing 😉 ) so I’m venting… It’s probably because today I’m without my usual joyful method of procrastination and the fact that I’ve been reading too much about it recently but I can help letting my mind wander over the subject of cock… Shame ain’t it.

A man’s penis is the appendage that often, his whole world will revolve around, physically and mentally. Often without them realising the extent of it’s influence.  I love cock… you may have noticed. Nothing is more sexy than a man in a sharp suit with a throbbing hard on, looking at me as if I’m the most beautiful woman on earth, his eyes begging me to undress him and be undressed. Makes me clench just thinking about it and that’s before any physical contact has occurred. I’m a Man-Fan, rough cold hands, eye twinkling filthiness, wonderful strong arms…  In fact, I have been called the only straight female ‘sex blogger’ because of my appreciation of maleness… (Not that given the opportunity of some guilt free, no ties pussy eating, I wouldn’t have a go because I probably would, I’m just not bi-curious enough to go seek it out, instigate it or except an invitation.) …so when I was asked to write a review about a book on blow jobs I giggled and agreed. It seems every sex blogger all over the world has been asked to review this book so most of you will know which it is, I’m still waiting to hear back from the author on a point in issue, so I’ll just point out this is not the review… but it has made me think more about manliness, cock, blow-jobs, why I enjoy giving them and I can sum up for you exactly what gets my blood pumping, why I enjoy lavishing attention on his cock so much in one word.

Power…

You want to put your cock where? In my mouth? With all my teeth? Of course I won’t use them on you darling unless you would like me too! But I could… couldn’t I… and you want my hands too, stroking your shaft and massaging your balls? How about I suck your balls gently too? All three? My pleasure….  And that is where the power comes from, I won’t, but I could and that is my choice, not yours…

Excuse me for getting a kick out of that but perhaps it’s a kink of mine, I love to suck cock, relishing loving attention and devotion on your member and I will enjoy it endlessly, the texture, the shape, the taste, Mmmm… yes I bloody will… but it’s on my terms, I get to be in Control and that’s the rule.

Is that so wrong of me?

Control is a major issue for me, I am a control freak , my personal boundaries are pretty wide but I don’t like to be pushed, nudged gently perhaps and I may push them myself; but again, that’s my choice. Too many times in my life I have not been in control of the direction I’ve been travelling, I’ve been trodden on and treated badly, not in control of my own destiny and unlike some people who seem content to let life push them about, I’m a feisty wench and I will fight back.  Being treated with respect, communication and having a choice are all such huge issues with me they affect my every waking moment.  In my relationships and my friendships I expect a bond of trust, a knowledge of boundaries and mutual understanding and I often look for this in other peoples relationships too, I like to see a balance.  So often that is exactly what I fail to see and that saddens me.

However, this control and trust are never more apparent then during a blow job… no matter how rough it might get, how deep he sinks his cock down my throat, he trusts me with his most precious, beautiful penis and I trust him not to fuck my face mindlessly like a gagging ragdoll fuck toy…

Because that is not something I can be.

The Abyss…

Forgive me dear reader, it has been bloody ages since I have felt the need to pound this keyboard with my thoughts of smut and naughtyness. I appear to be having a dry spell. The last 2 ‘pages’ of smut for the wank wednesday prompt were not really smutty but more romantic and if you are one of my (really rather wonderful) subscribers (I appreciate you all mwah!) you will not have got an email notification about those pieces (they are under stories in the right hand column).

So yeah, where was I? Writer block or something. I’m rather hoping it’s not the or something but I fear it is. I’m standing at the edge of the sexual abyss looking down into nothingness and getting no clear picture of if I should jump or teeter on the cliff edge.

In English I don’t know where to go next.

I’m having a fabulous time with the DP and Anal and Spanking and generally having some great fun sex but I’m not sure it’s enough. Liar, I know it’s not bloody enough or I wouldn’t be musing about it all. I’m finding it’s a lot easier to orgasm, longer more satisfying and even more frequent which is a blessing. I crave release like a woman stranded in the dessert thirsty for water; I’m not keen on denying myself the pleasure but I find myself asking all to frequently, is that it? What next…  no matter how much I search through porn, tumblr, other blogs etc I’m not finding that certain something that makes me go “Fuck Yes!” I’m missing the bubbling excitement of a desire for fresh territory, a niche or kink that I can make mine and it’s rather frustrating!

I want more….

….there has to be more….

….but I don’t know what ‘more’ is.

Indecision…

So here we are, September *Does back flip* I’m having an odd poignant moment with the things occuring in my life that I have little control over or wonder if I’m on the right track with. One of these being this tiny little insignificant corner of the internet called EroticMoonbeam…

I started this little project in May, May 6th to be exact so I’m approaching just 4 months of wittering on endlessly about sex and stuff, I haven’t written any erotica all summer and I have missed it but with everything going on here there has been no silence to muse. I have been pondering the future of this blog though.

People are reading it… fuck knows why… but they are, I guess sex sells. Not that you get much actual sex to be honest, usually just me and my banal outpourings of a slightly crude nature…  I’m not really much of a sex blogger… I hate pictures of me so you are never going to get much of that and frankly I don’t care if this venusian does look like Venus in your eyes, it’s my blog and I don’t want to look at it. So, wanton pictures which are so wonderful for the old stats are a no no…  I’m (sadly) not promiscuous, so tales of adventure and illicit meetings with handsome tall men in secluded parts of the local forest, rampantly fucking on picnic blankets are far and few between…  sucks eh! and I’m reasonably confident in my sexual nature, with a few experiments thrown in so as not to freak Mr. Beam out too much, there is not much here in a voyage of discovery….

So, why continue blogging? Just to rant? Just to muse?

I have considered going self hosting and if I do that what should I make my space be? Would it not be sensible to just stick to the erotic writing like so many brilliant writers and leave the sex blogging to the younger “New discoveries” types or the “Sexually explicit live vicariously through their writing.” types?

I’m honestly struggling to see where I fit in to this melee.  “Reasonably happily married writer with a hunk of a husband who she should be very grateful for, interested in pushing her sexual boundaries but straight, with no pain involved and no, he doesn’t want to go swinging.” I mean… I’m yawning…

So what is the point?

After somebody recently almost implied that older erotic writers must be sex starved bored housewives getting off on their imagination I have found a reluctance in me to continue… It irks me that this is how people might see me. I have thought of changing the name of the blog to “Yes, I might be a MILF and I’d probably love it if you did but I’m getting my fairly high sexual urges satisfied at home – just.” But it wouldn’t fit across the screen.  So I have considered changing the voice here. Posting fiction only, because reality is a tad boring, sex is just messy and housewives don’t want sex… Right?

I don’t know…

*Continues to ponder*

I think I might miss taking the piss out of myself…

Female Fuckbuddy?

You know those time where you think you are missing out and you really don’t want to but you feel you have just missed the boat and even if you caught it, the ride might not be to your liking anyway? That…

I expect you are all groaning and mumbling “What the fuck…” as usual.

Basically it’s this. I’m really open minded, as long as it doesn’t involve Children, Animals and it’s consensual you can get up to what you like and within the vast constraints in my personal life, so can I.

Only I can’t…

I’m not – no matter how much I think I would like to be – Sexually attracted to other women, in any way and I find this a little disappointing to say the least. Over the years I must have met and enjoyed the company of hundreds of people and silently in my head somewhere, quite often at subconscious level I have that annoyingly human propensity to file them in little boxes, like “not hot” “agreeable” “fairly hot”  “Fuck, I’d do you” and that rare beast “Take me now!!!”  I’ve never met a woman who gets further then an appreciative reflective “fairly hot”.

I’ve even discussed this with a friend of mine who just happens to be a lesbian, she said “You are just going to have to face the fact, as sad as it is, that you are straight and get over it!” She said this with a wry smile on her face too. She was amused by the idiocy of a straight woman, who actually would quite like to experience another woman but can’t find one she even remotely fancies because basically they are women and she doesn’t fancy them. I know, it’s daft.

Lets face it a female fuck-buddy would be awesome. Would there be anything more wonderful then sex with another woman? I mean all that soft skin, a delectable pussy to explore, nipple and breasts to squeeze. Other great win points are neither of us would get pregnant, there would be no arguments about the toilet seat being left up and if I had a problem she could help me discuss it rather than offering a solution without really listening! But, No matter how I think of it I can’t see it becoming a possibility.

Honestly, I’m getting wet just writing the last paragraph. I wonder if this perhaps means that somewhere, out in the world somewhere is a woman who could make me feel that spark of desire, to take the leap forward and revel in the delights of her glorious body and allow her to enjoy mine. It would take that spark too, the “Fuck, I’d do you” category because without it I don’t do anyone, a lesson I learnt in my ever so slightly promiscuous 20’s after a few ‘mistakes’, it doesn’t matter how horny you are you have to live with your choices of partner, so I’d always tried to pick men I could remember with a clench and a smile.

A gentleman friend said to me this week on this very subject “You know, there is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with being straight.” and I do know that, although the internet and erotica seems to be full of Bi-Curious women trying to find some one to slake the curiosity, I’m aware that I’m actually very confident in my sexuality, I guess that is why I feel that I might have missed the boat, because I don’t feel the need to actively explore this sexual element.  I just continue on my journey in “Cockdom” enjoying the delights of the male body and mind, any wondering if there might be a woman out there who could ignite my lust is so deep in my mind that unless someone else says something it never occurs to me. Part of me hopes it’s not impossible though, part of me how ever dormant, still looks at women to see if they make the “Fuck, I’d do you” category,  she would have to be very special, one could argue that such a woman might not exist and in all probability if she did, she wouldn’t fancy me anyway…

Such is life.

 

TMI Tuesday: Sex & the inadequacy of multiple choice.

1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.
d. Let the affair become physical.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested.
b. Flirt with him but go no further
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed.
d. Let the relationship become sexual.

e. Don’t shit on your own doorstep

3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex.
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other
d. Leave him or her

e. Start open and frank discussions on the subject, expressing your needs, how they feel, working through solutions which might involve answers a-d and then consider the options.

4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.

e. Exploring new ideas and positions to bring about b. via d including…

f. being a tool to bring about their orgasm too.

5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweeet
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’

e. One who can pick up the nuances of my mood to work out if I need a or c

Bonus: Do you mind if your significant other ogles/checks out another sexy person? What if they comment on that person, do you mind that?

No. In a word.

In fact when we are together in public I’m just as likely to point out another sexy person to him as he is to ogle one 😉 It doesn’t work so well the other way around unfortunately, I think perhaps my tastes are either more refined (I might get told off for that comment) or just not as obvious.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

 

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: Summertime, Hol’s, Lube and Sneaky Sex ;-)

In the Summertime

1. What is your favorite summer clothing item or outfit?

I’m not a fan of clothing, I find it restrictive and uncomfortable but I do appreciate that not everyone wants to look at my slightly flabby, stretchmarked torso, not attractive! There are always deliveries to sign for here and I really don’t want to give the old guy a coronary.  So while I tend not to wear anything at all in the house if I can help it I do throw on a sundress or just a long skirt pulled up over my boobs for in the garden.

2. Did you or will you take a summer vacation? If yes, where did you go?

We have been, we went to Mallorca for a week. We also had 2 nights in Dartmouth and a weekend in Minehead earlier this year, I’m trying to sort out another camping trip for late August.

3. What is your ideal weekend away (e.g. city, beach or wilderness)?

Ideally a weekend away should be somewhere new every time, there is so much to see why restrict yourself? I have always fancied a Luxury Spa weekend (any PR people reading? I’d do a hot write up!) I have also got a long list of European and UK cities I’d like to visit starting with Rome but the forest is one of my favourite places, the smell of the trees, cool breezes, bird song…

4. What would you pack for a naughty weekend?

Sexy undies, lube, a few toys and something smart to wear out for Dinner, just encase we remembered to eat!

5. What item(s) do you never unpack, never take out of the luggage from trip to trip?

There is nothing, when we get back from a trip the bags are emptied completely and put away.

Bonus: Last vacation sex… Tell us what happened

Sneaky, muffled, pillow biting, quiet sex in a room in which my children were sleeping….

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Orgasm Envy!

I’m not a jealous person. Sometimes I wish I were because as a writer I often feel it would be handy to feel such a strong emotion, from a descriptive point of view. No, I’m pretty laid back, I get twinges of envy like everyone does, when someone says “I’m going to lock myself in the garden room at the bottom of our six acre landscaped garden and quietly write, I have an Italian espresso machine in there…” I mean – who wouldn’t! But jealousy no, not really. I think to myself, I expect they earned it or I convince myself quiet thoroughly usually that what I have in my cramped corner of Blighty is actually all I need to be happy.

Until someone starts knocking on about their orgasms… You know the ones.

“We fucked for 3 hours and I had 8 orgasms!!” Eight… twinges of envy start arising and the conversation in my head starts getting louder…

“She had eight orgasms! He must be good, what was he doing to her? She must cum easily lucky cow, I bet it was awesome, perhaps they are not very big ones, perhaps they just chip away at her horniness, I wonder if she feels sated at all? Hmmmmm.”  and so my surprised expression turns to one of doubt and then a frown as I convince myself not to be jealous.  I guess it’s a survival thing.

The thing with orgasms is we just can’t experience each others to know if we are missing something or not! I mean Mrs.Eightinthreehours might not have as much pleasure as I do with my intensely built up, mentally and physically incapacitating, overwhelmingly, body wrackingly, often multiple, huge ones… The most I’ve ever experienced in 3 hours is two of those and I thought I might sleep for a week! I don’t sound very convinced do I? So I suppose I have to follow the route of ‘you are better off not knowing’ and just enjoy them as often as I can.

And then again I get days like yesterday and today when my brain tells me I’m hot to trot and even after four screamers the edge of my horniness is still cutting like a carving knife, my body responds to every touch but because it’s still quaking from the last orgasm all of 3 minutes ago I can’t go there…  Then I must admit I’m jealous of Mrs.EightinThreehours because I’m feral and insatiable and and and it’s just not bloody fair!!

 

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Love Letter #2

Dear Mb,

You are intoxicating.

I can’t get enough of you.

My hands wandering over your silken skin, roaming, kneading, grasping, pulling at your flesh. My lips on yours, kissing you wildly, without restraint. Having you in my arms, wrapped around you, feeling the rising passion trapped within you, aching for escape.

Snatching seclusion in an isolated spot, laying you down, exploring your body with my hands roaming under your skirt, cupping your arse in my hands as we kiss each other frantically. Your hands on my chest, caressing my skin wantonly, fingers grasping the fastenings of my trousers.

The grip of my hands on your skin, teasing, pulling, kissing down your neck, your shoulder, your chest, releasing your heaving breasts, sucking hard on your nipple, pulling you into my hungry mouth, teeth teasing you mercilessly. Your gasping hot breath resounding in my ear as you tightly clutch my head to you.

I wanted desperately to satisfy your every desire, my body burning with passion to have you. The feeling of the soft skin of your fingers searching in my trousers, relishing the heat of what you find, gently stroking, soothing my heat for you, yet stoking my passion.

Our time together so precious, our parting so aching, yet we will do it all over again and again and again.

I held you in my arms and didn’t want to let go, but let go I had too.

Love

Your Paramour xxx

The Power of Sex…

I’ve been asked;

Is it the thought of sex or sex itself that is more powerful for you?

It’s an intriguing question, one which I have spent a fair amount of time considering.

The thoughts of sex? 

I do think about sex a lot, sex and entanglement, of emotion, of desire.  The flirtatious firsts, kissing, touching, words spoken, body language, the unwritten signs, sexual chemistry.  The inner workings, thought patterns, lack of thought patterns. Deeper still; the movement, texture, smell, sound. At some point during everything I write I pause and think, what is she thinking, did he like that, is this working…

What turns me on, what turns me off…

Scenarios of sex play through my mind, stories need to brew until they over boiling from my head. I actually find it hard to write to a prompt or on a specific day, for personal reasons writing erotica on a Friday or at the weekend is much harder for me.  Which is why I try extra hard to join in with the prompted time related writing – it’s the masochistic streak in me.

Words fill my mind, I find a lot of writers don’t read, to a degree I’m guilty of that too, I have my favourite blogs that I try (and usually fail) to keep up with, they are not all erotic blogs, often human interest – people intrigue me, will she, won’t she, has he? These thoughts are ultimately about sex (or money.)

I have a deep passion for carefully constructed seductive words. If I find an erotic writer who articulately expresses their writing in a way that makes my mind reel and body react I will read everything they write. Words go through my head and my body follows. The way to my passion is through words.  I appreciate their danger like so few others.

Thoughts of sex are extremely powerful. In my head sex is exciting and positive, enthralling and beguiling. Nothing ever turns me off because I won’t let it happen, it’s all rose tinted and perfect even when it’s messy and squelchy, dirty and nasty – it all flows perfectly.

Sex itself?

Is fabulous, it contains everything my kookie mind dreams up because I do like putting my thoughts into actions, my other half is open to suggestions but to be honest he is just as good at coming up with ideas and feeling how he goes as I am.

Putting him aside for a moment and considering the question from the angle my friend wanted to know about.

Sex actually can be hard to get right, so many things can let you down.  New partners although exciting a prospect do not flow like holywood movie stars, not everything will click, whilst this can be fun to fathom out it can also be difficult if you don’t know how to communicate your need, how do you say ‘actually that isn’t working’ in the full throng of fellatio ;-0

Someone says the wrong thing, misinterprets your mood, bodily functions interrupt the atmosphere. There might be too much light, not enough light, the music isn’t getting you off, you drank too much, you didn’t drink enough!

Hmmmmm…..

As I have said before, I’m a Venusian and things on Venus are much more refined then on Mars, or Earth for that matter, can a woman who dreams of perfect ever expect that to happen in real life with all it’s uncomfortable limb entangled, misunderstanding, farting, coughing, finding a stray pubic hair in your mouth mess that is REALITY??

Well, it has happened so why should it not happen again *smirks*

Now whilst you might think this answers his question and the thought is more alluring then the act I’d like to add that  my friend also asked me:

Is the thought of having an affair…. the daydreams… fantasies….. better than the real thing…. in the long run.

and to be honest with you my dear I have no idea… Is having an affair a good idea at all?  Would it not be better off being in the open? A consensual arrangement between partners of an acknowledged physical need for variety? In my dreams…

Some would say no. Because of the emotional attachment that seems to get involved, the longing, the desire, the haunting feeling that comes of not being able to have the one person you want. The futility of knowing what you have however good it was before may never be right again, not to mention living with the guilt, the betrayal.

Some would say yes. The thrill of the chase, the adrenaline, the discovery of a new person, the potential of fulfillment….

Sexual utopia for me would perhaps be a place where experimentation with other people is permissive IF the parties concerned were able to separate their feelings from the act, in my experience this is a rare occurrence.

I can’t help thinking that the more I think about sex and having sex, the thought of lovers and being the object of someones desire , of being wanted, held and loved for the sake of the moment the more questions I find I have…

To my friend who asked the question I’d say that any conclusions I may ever reach on the subject – and finding a conclusion is not looking good – would only ever apply to me in that moment. I can’t answer this for you.

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post