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TMI Tuesday: The “No, It’s not my birthday” one.

You say it’s your birthday

 (Birthday TMI questions suggested by Heelsnstocking)

1. What star sign are you?

Scorpio *watches everyone run for cover*

2. Do you believe in horoscopes?

No, I can not be defined into a neat 12th of the population, I am far to bolshie 😉

3. When is your birthday?


4. What’s the worst birthday gift a partner has given you?

A stuffed rabbit (Don’t tell him I told you that!)

5. Are you organised when it comes to other people’s birthdays?

Once upon a time yes, I used to buy all the cards in January for the entire year, these days, no in fact I frequently miss them.

6. How do you normally celebrate your birthday?

It used to be a tradition of mine to go shopping with my Mum, I’d always have the day off work and we would get sloshed in a pub at lunch time. In recent years I plot a few hours of #metime and just go and hide out somewhere quiet. Life gets noisy y’know. 

7. If you could be one age again what would it be? Why?

26, it was a great age, truely excellent year…

8. What would be your ideal birthday treat?

I’d like a birthday BBQ… So hotish weather and a beach. It sounds simple and it is, except I’m British and November doesn’t tend to feature beach weather.

Bonus:  Tell us your best birthday memory?

We went and bought my little cat. she was a tiny bundle of mischief, so adorable.

Bonus, Bonus:  May we see you in your birthday suit? (post a photo)

Er… No, you mayn’t… It would crash the server 😉


How to play TMI Tuesday:
Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog).
Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday: Hoo Doo that Voodoo?

Happy TMI Tuesday.

Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.

Okay… First the disclaimer…  I’m a married woman, married to a man whom would probably say I should only be thinking about doing any of the below listed with him… Well we do play Naked Wii, I do love him, he pushes my buttons alright, rims and plays with my ass, showers with me, undresses me, obviously I can’t elope with him we are already married… So just in case this is one of those rare occasions he reads my drivel… Dear Mr.Beam… Yes I know, this is FANTASY okay?! Doesn’t mean I want it to happen just that it tickles my nipples to dream every so often FFS 😉 Love Me.

Now I can see you all rolling your eyes if you haven’t read this post, dear readers, I’ve been here before 😉

I have mixed some real people in with the celebs here, I hope it makes them smile 😉

*ahem* as you were…  

Who or Who(m) do you want to:

1. Play naked twister with? 

Salma Hayek, @usitas and Colin Firth. My twitter pal Usitas and I both have an appreciation for the lovely Salma and I’d love a shot at Mr Firth, all limbs twisting and mouths open, tongues at the ready, go! It would be amazing to join in and watch this fun… 

2. Love?

Writes for Her, he’s the type of man I could never get bored of, intriguing, filthy, intelligent and so lovely.  

3. Excites you beyond belief?

an R8, this lust affair continues, probably because it’s unrequited and so not in my league. I see an R8 and I’m instantly horny, wet knickers, biting lip, dilating pupils, the works… 

4. Enjoy ass play with?

My Twister pals 

5. Shower with?

Nobody does a shower like my pal @Bluelagoon27 I can honestly say THAT was the night I laughed most in my entire life!! She had the fellas lining up ready to ‘sort them out’ with her loofah! What a woman! 

6. Undress?

Any tall dark handsome man in a dinner suit… how easy am I! I love formal dinner wear (Especially Scottish) Mmmm *drifts off*

7. Rim?

See 4

8. Elope with?

I’m not sure I’d do marriage again…

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?

This has never happened to me, I’m not sure I’d want to wake up in someones arms… I get so hot when I sleep that I tend to toss and turn so I think sleeping in someones arms would make me feel constricted, it’s one of those romantic notions that in practice is not so comfortable at all!! Unless you would like to prove me wrong. 

There is someone I’d like to wake up next to and then slip into his sleepy arms… #nottelling 

How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog).

Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday: The Cock Edition

All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.

1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?

Mmmmm *dribbles* well there is a good argument for the benefits of both, long and thin hits the inside wall of the vagina in just. such. a. good. way…  But width fills so wonderfully, every thrust and movement is divine… Why choose? 

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?

Sadly no… only sadly because I’d love to try a whopper to see what all the fuss is about, I’m not a size queen but I’m curious…

3. Best place to put a penis?

A hot dog bun? Mustard optional…

Don’t wince, I’m kidding… 

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?

I’d play with it! Lots! Until it got sore and fell off! Including fucking anything that moved… I’m assuming that my brain would relocated for 24 hours too…

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?

Name? No it doesn’t have a name… In life, you don’t always need to know, no names no pack drill, you get my drift?

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click

I’ll take Italy, the alps preferably *waxes skis* not the lube you had in mind?

How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog).

Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday… Fishy gifts and food…

‘Tis better to give than receive…?

For this week’s TMI Tuesday why don’t you tell us:

1. What was your favorite gift that you received

*soppy moment* my best gift I gave to myself, it was the look of magic and delight on the faces of my smalls as they opened their gifts… makes all the stress and tension slip away.

I also gave myself a Icicles glass tentacle shaped dildo, that is so… very…. incredible *sigh* 

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?

Mr. Beam bought me a mountain bike, tres practical as next week sees the start of a massive fight the bulge movement…

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?

My Dad gave me a box of Roses (chocolates) I’m not that keen on chocolate really, unless it’s Green and Blacks 70% which is wonderfully addictive and rather like sex… 

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?

Smoked Salmon, Rope hung Scottish Smoked salmon to be very accurate, I’m not sure of the benefits of the rope hanging to the salmon but the imagery worked for me, as for the Scottish bit, well, you know, I have previous 😉 

Bonus:  Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal.

Take packet from fridge, select very sharp knife, cut edge of packet, peel back plastic, carefully slide fingers under the slice of salmon enjoying the cool moistness of the delicate flesh sensitivly draped over your fingertips, raise fingers to mouth and suck the salty fishyness into your mouth, hold the flesh in your mouth to savour the flavour, chew, swallow, wash down with Chablis, lick lips, suck fingers seductively, have some more. 

Bonus, bonus:  Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve?

Getting drunk in the Hot Tub in my garden.


How to play TMI Tuesday:

Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday: The random, nerdy, tiara wearing poo monitor one

Fun(ny) Stuff I Heard

The most idyllically random TMI ever…

1. Finish this thought: Nerds make me ____ ? (idea from PocketRockettz)

Hmmm I know it’s trendy to say nerds and geeks make you horny but if they can’t talk the talk no amount of geekness is going to rattle this girls cage… I like a man with a filthy mind who talks dirty to me, has strong hands which know how to touch me, naughty eyes which convey humour and kisses that drive me wild… I honestly couldn’t gove a monkeys arse if he’s a geek a nerd or a lawyer if he has all that! Okay, so I’m maybe lying about the lawyer bit 😉 

2. If you were in a beauty pageant, which would be your ticket to the tiara? (heard on the Newlywed Game)
a. Talent
b. Interview
c. Swimsuit
d. Evening wear (i.e., gown, tuxedo)

Weeeelllllll, firstly, they don’t let women like me in beauty pagents, I am far from attractive enough and reasonably unpredictable. No way I’d wish for world peace although it’s a fine sentiment. I’d want to channel the money they waste making those shows into something more useful, like starving children for example.  Wait… perhaps with some minor surgery I could be in with a shot!  Secondly, tiaras kill, the one I wore at my wedding gouged huge holes in my skull, ouchie!!

3. On your body what is eye candy and what is an eyesore?

My breasts have been admired and apparently I have a fine arse (can’t see it myself) but my current hate is my stomach, the war of the belly commences 1st January. Remind me I said that…

4. Your penis is starring in a gritty crime drama? Which part would it play?
a. Straight laced detective
b. Hooded criminal
c. Crooked cop

I don’t have a penis, so it would be the Invisible Man ‘Ba Boom Tish!’

5. Would you rather? (as heard on the Graham Norton Show)
a. Eat dog food for every meal for a year or
b. Get shot in the knee

I would rather do no such thing!!! This is my blog I will do what I want so c) Go Skiing in the Rockies

*Claps hands in glee* oh yes c!

6. If you crapped yourself at work what would you do? (This was a poll taken at a blues bar…seriously)
a. Go commando
b. Do nothing
c. Turn ‘em inside out
d. Wash in employee sink

oooo one I’m prepared to answer! a & d I’m not carrying pooey knacks around… and this happens to my 3yo far to regularly so just call me the poo monitor. 


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.

TMI Tuesday – Cooking *yawn, grumbles* ;-)

What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’?

In the United States Thanksgiving is this week, so a lot of folks will be cooking up a storm in preparation. Many other holidays will occur over the next month around the world and everyone seems to celebrate with food, hence, the TMI Tuesday theme…Cooking.

Which is probably the most heinous subject in the domestic world bar Ironing *shudders*

1. Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s?

Both overpriced muck… but then I don’t ‘do’ ice cream… Make mine Kettle Chips, salt and vinegar please.

2. What is always in your refrigerator?

Milk, Clover (a butter blend), Beer and Chocolate (both Mr. Beam’s), Chutney, Jam, vegetables. 

3. What’s your worst kitchen disaster?

How long have you got…. I burn stuff, frequently, including setting fire to the oven once.

4. Favorite kitchen gadget?

The kettle, it’s how I get my coffee fix

5. What was your last meal? Did you like it?

Last night I had a mixed baby leaf and cherry tomato salad with balsamic vinegar and avocado oil dressing and a side of chips, followed by cherry pie. It was okay, the small people had a request night last night as Mr. Beam was late home and chose Sausage beans and chips *rolls eyes*.

6. What’s your favorite cookie?

I try not to eat biscuits…. I do like fig rolls and chocolate hob nobs, jaffa cakes and nothing beats a rich tea dunked in a cuppa!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers xxx

TMI Tuesday: Ask me anything…

Formspring Follies

Today’s TMI Tuesday consist of Formspring questions pulled from around the Web. The NY Times called Formspring “An E-vite to Insults and Crude Queries.” I admit, I pulled the tame, less crude questions.

I am on formspring although I must admit it bores me, when I get an email in there always seems to be a lot of eye rolling and exasperation attached to it so inevitably it gets ignored… Still… I need a NaNo break, so here I go with these questions! 

1. What is your favorite type of weather?

Snow, I love the  unique smell that means we are going to get some, the colour of the cloud, watching it fall, playing in it, skiing, the blue of the sky when it’s down, breathing cold air, drinking hot coffee wrapped up in a big jumper, snuggled somewhere warm looking out at it. 

2. How do you sustain the motivation and energy needed to write erotica regularly?

I don’t, if I feel the need to write I write, it just comes out erotica *shrugs*, my creativity is sporadic at best, you may have noticed!   

3. Do you like roleplay? What is your favorite scenario?

Erm, No… I have a tendency to fall about laughing which negates the ability to roll play.

4. Have you ever been hurt so badly in a past relationship, that it has affected you for the rest of your life?


5. What message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?

an it harm none, do what ye will.

6. How big is your dick?

*rolls eyes, huffs* I don’t have one, I’ve often wished I did and I did once have a dream where I was a man which was pretty interesting…

Bonus:  I would like to know, do you have Formspring on your blog? Why or why not?

I thought about it and then decided if people really wanted to ask me something, they could email.

Bonus, bonus: What is the best or oddest formspring question you’ve been asked? What was your answer?

I honestly can’t remember! But my memory is shocking, ask me next week what this TMI was about and I’d have to look it up.

TMI Tuesday… Inappropriate and Scary! TMI about Me!

It’s TMI Tuesday again. You know that dreaded interview question “Tell me about you/yourself?” Who the hell knows how to answer that! These questions are a lot more fun (and easier) way to Tell Us More About YOU :-)

P.S. Based on your answers we will make snap judgements and form stereotypical opinions about you :D

Bless you TMI… I’d dearly love to fit into a stereotype for a change 😉 Today, with these questions, I’m afraid my stereotype is Mother. That is what I am, what I eat, sleep, live, and breathe…

I’m only a sex siren in my head as you will see…..


1. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…What is it that you will show me?

I grow rather fine tomatoes? Wanna compare veggie patches?

2. What was the last thing you regret buying?

Last birthday I was given money to buy clothes, I bought a White Stuff mesh top with an undershirt, it practically disintegrated the first time I washed it (as per the instructions I hasten to add), since then I managed to buy the right size knickers for the wrong sex child twice…. *face palm* 😉

3. How happy are you? 1 = not happy at all  to  5 = very happy

I can go through that spectrum in a minute, number 1 is often caused by “Mummy! I’ve poo’d my pants!” number 2 by “Mummy! I don’t like dinner!” number 3 by “Goodnight Darling” *shuts bedroom door* number 4 by the sound of the cork coming out of the bottle, number 5 by actually managing to write something I’m happy with….

but over all, EVERYTHING considered I’d have to say 4.

4. Last night, what did you go to bed thinking about?

Had I locked the doors, was the cat in, why were there cars on the bathroom floor, why am I the only one who ever cleans the sink and toilet, why can’t boys aim and Fuck don’t clean sheets smell and feel bloody awesome.

5. Tell us something that made you happy this past week or made you think “that’s cool!”

My 5 year old had her first school assembly, her class stood in front of the whole school and did the cutest Autumn song and dance…

Bonus: What is your favorite mark of punctuation? Why?

I love ; because it does 😉 and I must use 😉 100’s of times a day…. #sarcasticwench


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.


and that lot, on an erotic blog, really IS too much information!!


Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday: Hot Sport, Hot Water and Hot Coffee

What would you do?

1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You:
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.

Poor chap/chappess. If they are looking for an airport in my town they are seriously lost…  A bus wouldn’t get you there, the train could get you pretty close, a cab would cost you hundreds but it’s the way to go because I’m not going on a 6 hour round trip to an airport for a stranger…  

2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination:
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.

Ski Ski Ski Ski…. Even on my own it’s my choice, the rush of cold air, the smell of the snow, the tingle of the hot wine slipping down my throat and the shape of my arse after 2 weeks intense skiing – no competition!! I  might do a city break if I had already been Skiing.

3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and:
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!

I’d run a bath and wallow in the hot water for an hour by candlelight and then pounce on Mr.Beam for some lights out rumpy pumpy…

4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do?
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married

I’d not get married. If you are considering failure before you even begin it’s pretty poor…

5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry?
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE

A coffee machine… I luurrrvvv coffee!! 

Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

The obvious answer to that is sex toys… so I’m going to go with portable water pumps for 3rd world countries… I always wanted to make a beauty queen type speach! 

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.


Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tueday – Random is the word…

Sometimes I’m so random. And THIS is one of those times…

1. When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally underdressed or overdressed?

If people notice what you are wearing, it’s probably wrong… I don’t like to stand out in a crowd, I like to sit back and observe, it’s more interesting.

2. What is something you have won and how did you win it? (Inspired by theAn Optimistic Virgin)

I won some tickets to a show from another bloggers site.

3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, end, or top?

Bottom, always (OCD) anything else is UNACCEPTABLE!! 

4. What is something your parents used to say to you that you promised yourself you would never say–but now you catch yourself saying frequently?

Himself has commented a few times recently about the music on the radio being “noise not music” *rolls eyes*.  I spend all day saying things in triplicate, I’m sure like every mother in the world!

5. What 3 lies did you regularly tell your parents? If applicable, what 3 lies do you tell your parents now?

I’m far to old to lie to my parents, I’ve been ‘left home’ longer then I lived there and when I did I always found lying just got me into more trouble as I have a terrible brain for continuity… 

6. What is something that you intended to do today but didn’t? Why not? Will you do it tomorrow?

I did intend to re-visit having a huge orgasm in the passenger seat of the car whilst Himself is driving (and helping) – it’s okay it’s a manual 😉 I didn’t because the small people didn’t fall asleep and No, I won’t be doing that tomorrow…

7. What is something that people do in traffic that really bothers you? (inspired by My Quest To Be A Good Girl)

Turn their music up, FFS, if everyone wanted to listen to their crap taste they would be a famous DJ #rantover

8. Whose autographs have you collected? (You can stop at five, in case you’re an autograph hound or celebrity stalker).

I once had Jonny Morris’s I saw him at the Bristol Hippodrome and I was also sent Corey Hart’s from Canada, he never really made it here but I was a big fan.

Bonus: Where do you go to find solitude, tranquility or connection to a higher power?

My local woods, I’m not a tree hugger (often) but I love the smell of the pine and earthyness, I can wander around up there for hours and usually end up feeling very refreshed.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI Tuesday Blog post for today, so we’ll all know where to read your responses.


Happy TMI Tuesday!