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Wax on, Wax off…

Yesterday I hand another of those “Why the HELL am I doing this again?” Experiences. Lying on the couch at the beauticians, she spreads hot wax on my mound of venus and other slightly more intimate parts then yanks it off… and I try not to scream… Well, not so much these days because it is getting easier, apart from the nusance of the ingrowing hairs! TMI? Okay… moving swiftly on.

Someone asked me  “You and Mr.Beam must be getting on great if you are having a wax?” Hmmm. Interesting question. Yes, Mr.Beam and I are getting on really well at the moment and long may that last but that is not why I get a wax.  I do it because for 2 or 3 weeks it feels so good… all silky smooth and soft to touch. It’s as much as I can do to drag my fingers away from my pussy! Of course, he’s a fan too, I hesitate to say it but if it were just for him, I’d not go through all that, perhaps just a tidy up around the edges.

I used to just have the Bikini wax, usually just if we were heading off on holiday somewhere, even if it was to go skiing, my idea of apres Ski is a bottle or two of ice cold beer consumed whilst in an outdoor hot tub. One prefers not to worry about escaping hairs in that situation. As time has gone on though, I’ve become accustomed to seeing pictures of vaginas without hair, the porn industry is responsible for a lot more metal conditioning then just bukkake… So I tend to go these days with a landing strip, I might be inclined to have it all off but (as I often say) I’m a Mummy before so many things these days and it just doesn’t seem right to me as the adult female in the house, not to have some pubic hair.

This time I was toying with a triangle or even a heart shape, I’m sure that would make him chuckle but something stopped me… Not embarrassment that is for sure, after all I just had a woman touching the entire outer pussy area, she is so very thorough sometimes I wonder as she runs her fingers over my skin.  The wax is so wonderfully warm too, perhaps it’s the pain that stops it being a turn on, because it’s not the right kind of pain for me, it just hurts like fuck. The result is so smooth and sexy though I can’t wait to offer myself up for face time.

So, really, selfishly, this is for me, I do it purely for personal reasons, it makes me feel comfortable and sexy.  If anyone else gets to enjoy it too, that is just a fringe benefit 😉

It got me wondering as I was lying there, what do other people do to themselves for themselves to make them feel sexy?



Period Piece



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Go on, Vamos!


I remember reading a post on Molly’s Daily Kiss a few months ago that made me smile, you know one of those slow knowing smiles when you find someone writing something you can really relate to, her post A Period Drama  concerning sex during menstruation was the first post that made me see the incredible depth she enjoys in her relationship with Signs. It also made me appreciate the relationship I have with himself.

My “problem” is my period often makes me like a dog on heat. It starts off on a Emo day and I know it’s on it’s way, sore tits and the grumps, talk to me that day and I’m likely to blub, it’s only one day a month of otherwise good emotional stability, I consider myself lucky.  Two days later and hey! Surprise surprise, lets head to the supermarket for the monthly supply.

From then on the urge to orgasm gets stronger and stronger, if left alone by the time the curse has gone I am wound up enough to go on the rampage! As a respectable member of society it’s the responsible thing to try and do something about my raging horn at least mid period, knock an edge off it, so to speak.  After living through this a few times I know my options well.  The easiest option is of course wanking, truly the least satisfactory option, a solitary, sultry, sneaky wank might be the most desirable course of action at other times of the month but not then, that would be too easy… Wanking each other is far more fun but again, smooths the edge slightly, not enough.

The second option is to get on with it anyway, I’m no less sexy to him, apart from the odd pimple perhaps but let’s face it ladies, with an understanding partner it is of course fine, messy yes but still enjoyable. However, the chances are if you are like me, you are not comfortable enough to even consider it an option! He gets that look in his eye and I watch his not insubstantial BFF getting it’s own ideas and he gets told firmly that he’s not shoving that in my pussy! No Sir! Bugger OFF!!

Which brings me neatly to option three. The sweet one, the one that hits the spot, knocking all kinds of edges into a diamond cut.  Himself often calls me his par 3 girl. Don’t worry, I had to refer to the mecca of wisdom on all sex slang phrases myself.  Urban Dictionary has quite a lot to say on the subject of Par and of course we all know this is the WORD.

Three Hole Par
When you shag a girl in the mouth, the pussy and the arse.
He took his cock from her mouth and placed in in her pussy. After a while she said she was ready and he gave her an anal ride, completing his three hole par

…and as they say ‘two outta three aint bad.’  and somehow, anal sex is far better at that time of the month then at any other time.

Female Fuckbuddy?

You know those time where you think you are missing out and you really don’t want to but you feel you have just missed the boat and even if you caught it, the ride might not be to your liking anyway? That…

I expect you are all groaning and mumbling “What the fuck…” as usual.

Basically it’s this. I’m really open minded, as long as it doesn’t involve Children, Animals and it’s consensual you can get up to what you like and within the vast constraints in my personal life, so can I.

Only I can’t…

I’m not – no matter how much I think I would like to be – Sexually attracted to other women, in any way and I find this a little disappointing to say the least. Over the years I must have met and enjoyed the company of hundreds of people and silently in my head somewhere, quite often at subconscious level I have that annoyingly human propensity to file them in little boxes, like “not hot” “agreeable” “fairly hot”  “Fuck, I’d do you” and that rare beast “Take me now!!!”  I’ve never met a woman who gets further then an appreciative reflective “fairly hot”.

I’ve even discussed this with a friend of mine who just happens to be a lesbian, she said “You are just going to have to face the fact, as sad as it is, that you are straight and get over it!” She said this with a wry smile on her face too. She was amused by the idiocy of a straight woman, who actually would quite like to experience another woman but can’t find one she even remotely fancies because basically they are women and she doesn’t fancy them. I know, it’s daft.

Lets face it a female fuck-buddy would be awesome. Would there be anything more wonderful then sex with another woman? I mean all that soft skin, a delectable pussy to explore, nipple and breasts to squeeze. Other great win points are neither of us would get pregnant, there would be no arguments about the toilet seat being left up and if I had a problem she could help me discuss it rather than offering a solution without really listening! But, No matter how I think of it I can’t see it becoming a possibility.

Honestly, I’m getting wet just writing the last paragraph. I wonder if this perhaps means that somewhere, out in the world somewhere is a woman who could make me feel that spark of desire, to take the leap forward and revel in the delights of her glorious body and allow her to enjoy mine. It would take that spark too, the “Fuck, I’d do you” category because without it I don’t do anyone, a lesson I learnt in my ever so slightly promiscuous 20’s after a few ‘mistakes’, it doesn’t matter how horny you are you have to live with your choices of partner, so I’d always tried to pick men I could remember with a clench and a smile.

A gentleman friend said to me this week on this very subject “You know, there is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with being straight.” and I do know that, although the internet and erotica seems to be full of Bi-Curious women trying to find some one to slake the curiosity, I’m aware that I’m actually very confident in my sexuality, I guess that is why I feel that I might have missed the boat, because I don’t feel the need to actively explore this sexual element.  I just continue on my journey in “Cockdom” enjoying the delights of the male body and mind, any wondering if there might be a woman out there who could ignite my lust is so deep in my mind that unless someone else says something it never occurs to me. Part of me hopes it’s not impossible though, part of me how ever dormant, still looks at women to see if they make the “Fuck, I’d do you” category,  she would have to be very special, one could argue that such a woman might not exist and in all probability if she did, she wouldn’t fancy me anyway…

Such is life.


Shooting Stars on EroticMoonbeam

I was completely unprepared for the response I received from last weeks post Vajazzle Me! If I’d have had a clue I would have upped the anti somewhat, perhaps run a competition, donations to charity – anything to be honest! Who would have thought that a little design of crystals would have caused such a fuss! Personally I laughed for hours! If you missed it (hrumph!) I chose three Vajazzle designs, a shooting star, a fish and a dragonfly and asked my readers to choose which one I should wear for my holiday which starts tomorrow (SQUEEEEEE!!)

I must admit to probably having had too much wine last Saturday as the idea of posting pictures of myself here kind of turns my stomach, self love or just not giving a damn are issues I have yet to work through, I loath pictures of me!

The thing that really amazed me was the generosity of Vajazzled UK who promised to supply me the other two designs free when I purchased the winning one! I’d plucked them off the internet after seeing they were actually the best value for money in the Vajazzle world and dropped them a link to my little blog purely out of cheekiness!

The ten votes I asked for came in thick and fast with the shooting star being the most popular, I duly placed my order on the 18th and they were here by the 20th! Flaming great service!!

So many huge thanks to Susan at Vajazzled UK, I may be back for one of those lovely Gem Too tattoos at some point.

So here it is, the shooting star on the newly waxed me ….

Vajazzle Shooting Star on Eroticmoonbeam

Vajazzle Shooting Star on Eroticmoonbeam

And what have I learnt from this? Think carefully before you offer to post pictures of yourself *cringe* One is no supermodel 😉

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

then follow the arrows to the next post

Vajazzle me! Update

The dawn chorus woke me at 4.10am and for once my first though was “I wonder what happened about the Vajazzling!” So I got up to see.

10 votes exactly have been cast. 1 Fish, 3 Dragonfly and 7 Stars

This means the other half is going to have to get handy with his camera next week (surprisingly he was giggling like an idiot at my antics last night! The idea of me being sprawled in front of him naked with his camera appealed, naughty man!)

But Look!

I said I’d give this until Wednesday, so keep voting for your favourite design and the one with the most votes wins, and if you visit Vajazzled UK have a look at the GemToo’s the lovely lady there thinks I might like them as well! (She’s right I do!)

Vajazzle Me!

The Holiday is booked, the passports are up to date, my bikini wax is Monday week… So I was wondering if I should get a Vajazzle?

Vajazzle is the most often used keyword for someone finding my blog 😀 No seriously it is!!!!  Perhaps I should be an ambassador for the vajazzle? Presenting myself as a *sex goddess instead of the horny, exotic, slightly bohemian, mischievious minx I **might actually be…

It seems like a good idea!

I’ve been surfing the internet ( all discounts welcome guys 😉 ) and I’m considering the following designs. Please tell me what you think – honestly – If this is a bad idea it might be wise to let me know too because I do have a tendency to go a bit daft when I get an idea in my head…




or C.

I’m asking YOU to choose! and if at least 10 people do post a comment with their choice I will post a picture of the winning vajazzle in place 😉 (That’s 10 unique commentors not the same person 10 times)

I’ve got to order this and get it here so you have until Wednesday… Go! 

* This might be an exaggeration

** This is not 😉

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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

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I’ve been reading Molly’s Pussy Pride entries, which are like their owners I suspect, all different sizes and appearances.  I thought I’d jump on the band wagon, even though I have written about my ‘train wreck pussy’ before.  My previous post was might have been a little bit on the sarcastic side, I do suffer from that, even if my point at the end was valid. I may not of made it clear of my true appreciation of this particular piece of my anatomy.

Since May 13th I have been happily refering to my pussy as ‘my own personal train wreck’  it has ceased to worry me that it might be bigger and messier than some because of the pleasure it gives me.

The first time I can remember having an orgasm I must have been about 6, I was in my bed idly fiddling as kids do and pow! What a revelation! Since then I have happily wanked my way though my life. I’d like to point out that I have no problems with wanking – I love it, nay, I’m a bit of an addict,  it seems my last post was misinterpreted by some – my fault intirely, I’m the writer… I feel no shame in wanking at all.

My pussy has fairly large lips.  They are very sensitive and feel incredible when teased, nibbled or licked.  I can take that treatment for hours, unless I’m on a feral day. The outer lip wall protrudes slightly too, which also loves being stroked, even pinched sometimes.  Inside, my g-spot is fairly obvious if you know what you are feeling for, the skin is rougher to the touch and flatter, it has a bounce to it as you press it, feels a bit like a mini trampoline 😉  My clit is fairly well hooded but once teased out it doesn’t hold back in helping me achieve earth shattering orgasms.

My pussy changed so much after having my son, obviously cutting and forceps are never going to leave your anatomy as it was (I can almost see all the chaps cringing out there and all the ladies nodding in empathy) but I never realised how much better sex would feel once I healed, she’s so much more sensitive all round and the other half can push in so much deeper *drifts off* mmmmmm.

She is immensely well treated.  It’s the only area of my body that I will regularly go to a beauty salon for. I might get my nails done once a year and I’m toying with the idea of leg waxing… but the Brazilian is a fixture, every 6 weeks  hot wax, ouchie time – worth every penny, turning the 70’s porn star look into a silky soft haven of pussy purrrrfection.

She also has her own personal collection of toys, my beloved glass vibe, the rampant rabbit with it’s vibrating balls which is fucking wonderful but only really good for knocking the edge off my horniness (I think I might have broken that actually *sniggers*) and my bullet.  I also have a selection of other toys but perhaps that should be saved for a different post….
Pussy Pride

To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

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Ice Ice Baby…

I’m a great fan of cold, love it, one might say I can’t get enough of it.  When I’m all hot and steamed up, cold hands running up my back make me shiver in the good way. Lick me, blow on it lovingly and  buttons get firmly pushed all over my body.  Ice cubes traced delicately around my nipples send me gasping, begging for more and push them inside me and I will probably have your babies…

Don’t worry, I’m well up to speed on how babies are made 😉

Glass dildos have a certain je ne sais quoi, especially when applied straight from the freezer.  My glass waterproof vibe from a certain high street sex toy shop is the Most. Amazing. Vibrator. In. The. World. it’s permanent place of residence when not in use is the ice cube tray in the freezer, Yum.

So when I was in that certain High Street sex toy shop and happened to see a Mint orgasm increasing cooling lube my face broke into a smile which probably made the shop assistant blush. I say probably, I wasn’t looking, I’d just fallen in love… (At this juncture I’d like to point out that this is not a sponsored post but I’m open to bribes suggestions concerning product reviews, especially lingerie  and tickets to theatres, just saying…)

Now, this green goo really does have a pleasant nip to it and it tastes pretty good too, as for orgasm enhancing I may have to do some experimentation to prove it wasn’t a fluke, you know, scientifically speaking.

But maybe it’s me, I’m the sensitive sort. (You can tell can’t you I know I oooze a sort of helpless female, lay back and take it, thinking of England charm…. Not.)  It’s left my lady parts rather swollen.  I’m making assumptions as to why because I don’t think the act itself was any more vigorous than usual although it has to be said I got what I was after Thursday more or less *grins and sniggers*  so I have to believe the gel has caused the swelling of my not so tiny and neat vagina.  It’s almost twice it’s normal size and chaffes as I walk!

This swelling does seem to be restricted to my genitalia, his seems so far unchanged in size typically, I asked him, ‘What do I do? There’s nothing I can put on it is there?’ and he said ‘For swelling anywhere else you put on a cold compress’ I frown until the light dawns ‘like a bag of frozen peas’ Mmmm this is looking interesting ‘Yes, but you will have to throw away the peas afterwards’ He knows I hate waste…

So, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon sitting on a freezer pack, covered in a pillow case, while I worked on my manuscript and it was very pleasant indeed! and yes, the swelling has eased a lot thank you for being concerned, if it happens again you will be the third to know no doubt.

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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post

Orchids are not the only flowers…

Okay listen up.. I’m old, I have a fragile ego and I worry about things needlessly. Only one of these I believe to be true. However, sometimes I can’t help feeling all three at once for the most bizarre reasons.  Recently I have been getting a little jumpy with regard to a certain part of my anatomy, I shall tell you why.

A male friend of mine with whom I do on occasion share in very flirty banter happened to comment that he bet I had a very neat pussy. Apparently he likes a neat pussy, when I questioned what he meant he said “Some of them look like a train wreck!” bearing in mind please that he has NO IDEA what my pussy looks like I can’t help thinking he was on dodgy ground and just expressing an opinion, his opinion without even thinking about the implications of what my pussy might actually look like…

Later that week I happened to be surfing Tumblr as is my won’t and I came across a post reblogged from a site call “perfectpussies.” Out of some weird masochistic desire to horrify myself even further I had to go and have a look. Page after page of tiny mounded, light-skinned, pink and tidy, thin-lipped pussies with no pubic hair what so ever…

Now I’m feeling old and a little fragile and worried – oh boy worried.

And so, like so many women before me I fetch a mirror and have a squat. I’ve done it before but to be honest the last time was just after I’d given birth, I had stitches was bruised as fuck and really very swollen. The midwife warned me not to do it and to be honest I wish I had listened to her, it made me cry….

So I’m in the bathroom with the door firmly shut squatting over a mirror and what I see doesn’t look too bad to me but it’s not small and pale with tiny lips, au contraire,  I’m olive-skinned over most of me and much darker ‘down there’ with rather large lips. (No I’m not going to post a picture, don’t even think it 😉 )

Paranoia creeps in, I ask my partner “Does my pussy look like a train wreck?” He gasped, seriously he did! “No!”  He says “I love your pussy, so good to eat…” he drifts off and then starts detailing how he enjoys nibbling and sucking me, tracing his fingers lightly or being a little rougher depending on my reactions, honestly I could have listened for hours getting hornier all the time, in this respect he’s right, there is plenty to play with and oh fuck does it ever feel good!

So I feel a little less paranoid but it occurs to me after all this time that showing my vagina to a new man is actually a very scary prospect! It wouldn’t stop me for a second, don’t get me wrong but one man’s lovely pussy is another mans train wreck, surely…

So now I don’t feel so old, mainly because frankly I’m not… in my head at least. I don’t feel as fragile but I do feel a little worried still. I go back to tumblr to do some “research” and this is the conclusion I have come to…

Yes, some pussies look like a ‘train wreck’ but it doesn’t seem to matter to the amount of reblogs they get.  My lips are by no means of the largest variety so I should quit worrying.  Loads of women have darker skin around their vaginas and at the top of their thighs, it’s natural so don’t worry about it and best of all, the pictures and gifs where the men appear to be having the MOST fun are the ones with the larger slitted ladies with a rounder mound of venus… At this point I stopped worrying because you know, there are men and women who prefer neat pussies and there are men and women who prefer to get a really good mouthful and I should know better then worry…

Different strokes for different folks…. but please, don’t stop at stroking xx

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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here.