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On My Best Behaviour……

I spend such a lot of time being smutty, thinking naughty thoughts, writing (eloquently I hope) about sex that it’s getting to a point where I’m finding interacting with people in a ‘normal’ clean decent fashion is becoming an issue.

Case in point – yesterday. Walking past Ann Summers in the city I noticed they have their sale on. I stated my interest, my sister (we are on the same page about most things) nodded with interest, her friend exclaimed “My God you are actually considering that!” I looked at her in surprise “Of course I am, I do love a bargain! I’ve got Ann Summers undies on today!” Her face was a picture. My sister did point out her friend was “Religious” and not always comfortable with subjects I find natural to talk about.

During the rest of the day I tried really hard to be on my best behaviour, it was the least I could do for my sister, I talked about my holiday, my kids, I would have attempted to join in the conversation about trash TV except I never watch it and so (as usual) have no idea who some B’list presenter was & I really couldn’t give a monkeys arse who got the sack on some convoluted excuse for entertainment…

I even held back when my tweet regarding having a Costa in Bath wouldn’t go through due to the shit signal in the dear old city and she commented under her breath that I should “Get a life” (Isn’t it funny how these people who claim to have a life always know who every celebrity is what they are doing with their career and life and watch what must amount to hours and hours of telly – living their ‘life’ vicariously? I prefer my social network of twitter pals #justsaying)

Don’t think I didn’t get my own back…. I bit my tongue very successfully but I wasn’t going to miss out on the Ann Summers sale! I had a grin like a slice of watermelon when the lady in question ventured to the back of the shop to try on undies and I proceeded to have a loud conversation with my sister about the merits of the different vibrators *sniggers* I even regaled them with the mint lube story.

Thinking forward, I have a fair few social engagements coming up where I’m going to have to be ‘super vanilla’ a wedding and a girls night and I do wonder why my social life when it occurs is so boringly main stream…

I honestly don’t think it’s me that’s the issue here, I’m just super cool and love talking smut 😉

Everyone else is uptight *sniggers*

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Purrrrfection?

I’ve been reading Molly’s Pussy Pride entries, which are like their owners I suspect, all different sizes and appearances.  I thought I’d jump on the band wagon, even though I have written about my ‘train wreck pussy’ before.  My previous post was might have been a little bit on the sarcastic side, I do suffer from that, even if my point at the end was valid. I may not of made it clear of my true appreciation of this particular piece of my anatomy.

Since May 13th I have been happily refering to my pussy as ‘my own personal train wreck’  it has ceased to worry me that it might be bigger and messier than some because of the pleasure it gives me.

The first time I can remember having an orgasm I must have been about 6, I was in my bed idly fiddling as kids do and pow! What a revelation! Since then I have happily wanked my way though my life. I’d like to point out that I have no problems with wanking – I love it, nay, I’m a bit of an addict,  it seems my last post was misinterpreted by some – my fault intirely, I’m the writer… I feel no shame in wanking at all.

My pussy has fairly large lips.  They are very sensitive and feel incredible when teased, nibbled or licked.  I can take that treatment for hours, unless I’m on a feral day. The outer lip wall protrudes slightly too, which also loves being stroked, even pinched sometimes.  Inside, my g-spot is fairly obvious if you know what you are feeling for, the skin is rougher to the touch and flatter, it has a bounce to it as you press it, feels a bit like a mini trampoline 😉  My clit is fairly well hooded but once teased out it doesn’t hold back in helping me achieve earth shattering orgasms.

My pussy changed so much after having my son, obviously cutting and forceps are never going to leave your anatomy as it was (I can almost see all the chaps cringing out there and all the ladies nodding in empathy) but I never realised how much better sex would feel once I healed, she’s so much more sensitive all round and the other half can push in so much deeper *drifts off* mmmmmm.

She is immensely well treated.  It’s the only area of my body that I will regularly go to a beauty salon for. I might get my nails done once a year and I’m toying with the idea of leg waxing… but the Brazilian is a fixture, every 6 weeks  hot wax, ouchie time – worth every penny, turning the 70’s porn star look into a silky soft haven of pussy purrrrfection.

She also has her own personal collection of toys, my beloved glass vibe, the rampant rabbit with it’s vibrating balls which is fucking wonderful but only really good for knocking the edge off my horniness (I think I might have broken that actually *sniggers*) and my bullet.  I also have a selection of other toys but perhaps that should be saved for a different post….
Pussy Pride

To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here

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Ice Ice Baby…

I’m a great fan of cold, love it, one might say I can’t get enough of it.  When I’m all hot and steamed up, cold hands running up my back make me shiver in the good way. Lick me, blow on it lovingly and  buttons get firmly pushed all over my body.  Ice cubes traced delicately around my nipples send me gasping, begging for more and push them inside me and I will probably have your babies…

Don’t worry, I’m well up to speed on how babies are made 😉

Glass dildos have a certain je ne sais quoi, especially when applied straight from the freezer.  My glass waterproof vibe from a certain high street sex toy shop is the Most. Amazing. Vibrator. In. The. World. it’s permanent place of residence when not in use is the ice cube tray in the freezer, Yum.

So when I was in that certain High Street sex toy shop and happened to see a Mint orgasm increasing cooling lube my face broke into a smile which probably made the shop assistant blush. I say probably, I wasn’t looking, I’d just fallen in love… (At this juncture I’d like to point out that this is not a sponsored post but I’m open to bribes suggestions concerning product reviews, especially lingerie  and tickets to theatres, just saying…)

Now, this green goo really does have a pleasant nip to it and it tastes pretty good too, as for orgasm enhancing I may have to do some experimentation to prove it wasn’t a fluke, you know, scientifically speaking.

But maybe it’s me, I’m the sensitive sort. (You can tell can’t you I know I oooze a sort of helpless female, lay back and take it, thinking of England charm…. Not.)  It’s left my lady parts rather swollen.  I’m making assumptions as to why because I don’t think the act itself was any more vigorous than usual although it has to be said I got what I was after Thursday more or less *grins and sniggers*  so I have to believe the gel has caused the swelling of my not so tiny and neat vagina.  It’s almost twice it’s normal size and chaffes as I walk!

This swelling does seem to be restricted to my genitalia, his seems so far unchanged in size typically, I asked him, ‘What do I do? There’s nothing I can put on it is there?’ and he said ‘For swelling anywhere else you put on a cold compress’ I frown until the light dawns ‘like a bag of frozen peas’ Mmmm this is looking interesting ‘Yes, but you will have to throw away the peas afterwards’ He knows I hate waste…

So, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon sitting on a freezer pack, covered in a pillow case, while I worked on my manuscript and it was very pleasant indeed! and yes, the swelling has eased a lot thank you for being concerned, if it happens again you will be the third to know no doubt.

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To start at the begining of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post