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It’s behind you!

Dear Internet Exhibitionists

Everyday one of you will appear in my twitter time line, more often then that on my tumblr dashboard (though I do wonder how many of you know about that!), you pout, you pose, you bear your all or just flash your latest accessory and then release it on the internet for us nosy voyeuristic types to look at.

And look we do, I’m sure most people will be admiring your ample bosoms and your tiny waist or the size of your cock, my that is a flattering angle! But not me… I’m wondering why the hell you would want someone to see the state of your bedroom, your washing hanging in your bathroom. I’m trying to work out what possessed you to push used plates under your bed or why the hell you need so many products cluttering your dressing table.

Perhaps you think I’m judgemental, I don’t think I’m judging you, past why you think you need to share that, I’m sure you could clear the sink before you click, or turn your mirror to highlight the choice of dress not the unholy mess…

It’s just not sexy is it….

I bet the washing is removed before your lover arrives, I hope the sheets are fresh (but then I have a fresh linen fetish.) Or do you expect them to hop over your dirty knickers on their way to carnal bliss? I’m sure not… But it’s too late isn’t it! They have all ready seen how you live in their twitter stream!!

Is this the new chapter of humanities journey into a lack of self respect?

Best wishes for sexy clutter free photo’s



Dear Boys of the Interweb

Dear Boys of the Interweb

What the fuck makes you think we ladies want to see your dicks?

*breathes calmly and continues*

Obviously I am only speak for myself concerning the matter but that has never stopped me randomly ranting before.

Pictures of your private member in your Twitter avi are not pleasant, self portraits in my Submit box are not devoured with relish, rather scorned at and deleted (especially if you are a spotty teenager – I’m no cougar! but brownie points there for audacity 😉 )

Don’t get me wrong chaps, I like penis, yes I do! Love it even… I’m most certainly a cock girl, maleness is my thing but like so many other women my HEAD gets turned on before my BODY, mostly in the form of allure and mystery, a hint of a great thing being restrained in your trousers.  The mere suggestion of your fuck me eyes is more likely to get what you are after then flashing your equipment. Your confidence in your ability (confidence not arrogance!) your body language, your desire are most likely to get you noticed. If you can effectively weave words of desire and longing (and you can deal with my tendency towards sarcasm) with a hint of bad boy and a big dose of humour: THAT is the path of attraction! Even in 140 charectors, we can tell the diamonds not matter how rough.

I can tune out (thanks to my app) any pictures you may wish to post in your timeline so fair enough but please, Not Avatars of your pride and joy or prong pictures in my DM box.

I totally understand that a lot of you appreciate the finer attributes of the female body being displayed for your perusal and would probably not object to all womens Avi’s being being boobs or pussy pictures. When John Grey said ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ he was so very right and that is what makes life so very interesting a lot of the time, feel free to look and enjoy, it doesn’t work like that for me, I’m a Venusian.

Now look, I know you are not all in the dark about this, I had a chat with a fella this morning on the very same subject, though I completely understand why he (a straight man) blocked someone for a dick picture, so spread the word and help the other chaps out, enlighten them, (or perhaps enlighten me as to why I’m wrong.)

The sexiest avi’s I have seen in recent months involved a man crawling across a bed towards the camera, a wonderful smart suit and tie shot, a naked chest and a might fine set of abs. I know you could be misled by the beautifully lit and photographed pictures of male incredibleness that inevitably adores most female’s tumblrs, mine included. By all means, hire a top class clicker and get your naked body out in the mainstream as black and white photographic art, I’m all for that!  Love it. But honestly, you can’t replicate that with your blackberry…

Many kind regards, looking forward to sexy teasing Avi’s in my time line



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