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Wax on, Wax off…

Yesterday I hand another of those “Why the HELL am I doing this again?” Experiences. Lying on the couch at the beauticians, she spreads hot wax on my mound of venus and other slightly more intimate parts then yanks it off… and I try not to scream… Well, not so much these days because it is getting easier, apart from the nusance of the ingrowing hairs! TMI? Okay… moving swiftly on.

Someone asked me  “You and Mr.Beam must be getting on great if you are having a wax?” Hmmm. Interesting question. Yes, Mr.Beam and I are getting on really well at the moment and long may that last but that is not why I get a wax.  I do it because for 2 or 3 weeks it feels so good… all silky smooth and soft to touch. It’s as much as I can do to drag my fingers away from my pussy! Of course, he’s a fan too, I hesitate to say it but if it were just for him, I’d not go through all that, perhaps just a tidy up around the edges.

I used to just have the Bikini wax, usually just if we were heading off on holiday somewhere, even if it was to go skiing, my idea of apres Ski is a bottle or two of ice cold beer consumed whilst in an outdoor hot tub. One prefers not to worry about escaping hairs in that situation. As time has gone on though, I’ve become accustomed to seeing pictures of vaginas without hair, the porn industry is responsible for a lot more metal conditioning then just bukkake… So I tend to go these days with a landing strip, I might be inclined to have it all off but (as I often say) I’m a Mummy before so many things these days and it just doesn’t seem right to me as the adult female in the house, not to have some pubic hair.

This time I was toying with a triangle or even a heart shape, I’m sure that would make him chuckle but something stopped me… Not embarrassment that is for sure, after all I just had a woman touching the entire outer pussy area, she is so very thorough sometimes I wonder as she runs her fingers over my skin.  The wax is so wonderfully warm too, perhaps it’s the pain that stops it being a turn on, because it’s not the right kind of pain for me, it just hurts like fuck. The result is so smooth and sexy though I can’t wait to offer myself up for face time.

So, really, selfishly, this is for me, I do it purely for personal reasons, it makes me feel comfortable and sexy.  If anyone else gets to enjoy it too, that is just a fringe benefit 😉

It got me wondering as I was lying there, what do other people do to themselves for themselves to make them feel sexy?



Crashed and Burned…

As a ‘sex’ blogger I consider myself pretty much a nonstarter, I’ve always thought that perhaps what I am is actually a lifestyle blogger who spends far too much time thinking about and having sex… The idea makes me smile so I guess that is what I am.

This last couple of months have been tough, it’s autumn and with that come the endless sniffles and nasty bugs and as a mother of small children I’ve had one after the other.  Mr.Beam says I need time to recover, he did carefully point out that whilst he believes I need time to recover he’s not giving me an opening to take it, typically life goes on..

The most obvious effect this has all had on me is the total devastation of my libido.

I’m not in the high sex drive category of folk, I’m usually happy if I get a good seeing to a couple of times a week with a few decent wanks in between, yeah okay so some days I’m feral and pretty much insatiable, I’m sure most folks have those days…  Not so this month..

November has been a wasteland of nonwanking, I have no urge, no desire, no je ne said quoi. I feel bland and uninteresting, usually I’d  admit the only thing sexy about me is my state of mind, oh and good tits, apparently the arse is darn fine too but I can’t see that. Nope, I’ve lost my va va voom and it’s pissing me off…

Today is day four of my TOTM and by now I’m usually ripping up the sheets to be fucked, yet here I lay at 5.30am feelin,, well to be honest, fuck all…. I’m testing myself too, usually the mere thought of my glass vibe being in the freezer compartment will get me all hot and wet, the idea of sliding it’s chilled shaft inside me usually produces shivers and not from the cold. Perhaps it’s because my beloved glass vibe is broken too *sobs* and I have not found a suitable replacement, perhaps… but to be honest I have not been looking very hard, why bother?

I guess what I need is a plan, you know something excruciating and tiresome like healthy eating, spinach, broccoli and chicken soup, perhaps some gentle exercise involving being vertical as oppose to horizontal. Or many many many cuddles… Maybe I should wank anyway…. It always strikes me the more I get the more I want so perhaps a kick start is required!

In perspective though, I have to admit I can live with this… I am generally in good health as are my family, we have a lot to be thankful for and a few sniffles do seem rather like #firstworldproblems as twitter would say. The horn will return, it always does and with it I hope will come my desire to write, for yes, sadly it would seem that has gone too, this blog is starting to look like a barren wasteland and my sanity and need for escape is being tortured by my dullness.

EM’s Exploration of Kink :- A is for…

… Ambiguous… 

As in, its bloody impossible to tell exactly what is a fantasy, a fetish, a kink or  just a turn on. Different sources list different activities in different ways, some web sites are telling me that anything involving pain and bondage is ‘Kinky’ yet the dictionary definition is

Kinky – Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature.

I did read (somewhere) that if you enjoy being tied up with scarves and ticked with feathers it’s a turn on, if you get bolted onto a specially made table with chains and ropes and get hit with a chicken, that’s Kinky.

Unperturbed I am going to carry on regardless, kinky is as kinky does and as I don’t really consider myself to be kinky almost anything goes. I’m not exactly vanilla, more raspberry ripple. If it doesn’t involve humping military style and rolling off and having a cigarette I’m going to consider it, anything illegal, undead or involving animals is out at the startline and yes dear reader, I’m going to remind you again that I’m not keen on pain… but perhaps we will define my interpretation of pain as we continue. Feel free to add your two’penarth worth if you feel you have something viable to add, open discussion is not kinky but the lack of it in the world suggests to me it should be 😉

Welcome to my personal search, lets get going.


Consensual fantasy play acting out the mock capture, bondage, struggle, and intimidation of one or more sexual partners. The fantasy may be reinforced by the use of costumes, especially police or military uniforms, and the use of bondage paraphernalia such as handcuffs, rope, tape, and blindfolds. 

My oh my, this little gem really seems to get people’s juices flowing, it seems to be an extension of Autassassinophilia, sexual arousal gained by placing yourself in life threatening situations.

Reports of this fantasy roleplay range from partners acting out in the comfort of their own home to businesses promising to make abduction come true for you, snatching you off the street and performing your desire in minute detail.  There is so much scope for tailoring to your own need, the thrill is in the detail, leather gloves, chemical laden cloth over the mouth, pillow cases over the head, blindfold, bondage, rough treatment… Making it believable.

I personally can see the attraction of certain elements of this, but I don’t get off on being scared shitless which is the main benefit as far as I can see. For my own personal sanity I’d need to know and trust my abductor which probably defeats the object…

… and rape play leaves me not just cold but recoiling in horror. So what does that leave? A bit of bondage and some rough sex :-s


Now, I already have a bit of a thing for accents. I’m a woman who relishes her silence as there is never enough of it in my world. (I don’t listen to music, tolerate radio 4 when I’m bored and have a Auralism for natural sounds, sitting in the woods listening the wind moving through the trees is quite a turn on – yay for outdoor sex!) I’ve even refined my desire of accents down to well spoken Scottish and Geordie accents.

I’ve never actually been excited to orgasm by talking on the phone or in person to someone with the right accent, so if you call me for a conversation there is no need to be concerned about my self-possession crumbling at your dulcet tones, I’m not about to wank down the phone at you… Unless you start talking dirty to me. I did spend a little time a few months ago trying to find an erotic voice recording of a Scot or Geordie, alas my search was in vain…

This is an area I’d like to spend a little more time investigating, I can’t be the only woman who enjoys listening to a man detailing what he intends to do to her! Finding the right voice recording is very important, content is an area full of pitfalls as the wrong tone or situation can be an instant turn off but *sigh* in the name of research I’m willing to give it another go! I shall let you know what I find and any pointers in the sexy auditory department are very welcome!

To be continued….

Period Piece



If you don’t like reading about MENSTRUATION

hit the X in the top right hand corner.

Go on, Vamos!


I remember reading a post on Molly’s Daily Kiss a few months ago that made me smile, you know one of those slow knowing smiles when you find someone writing something you can really relate to, her post A Period Drama  concerning sex during menstruation was the first post that made me see the incredible depth she enjoys in her relationship with Signs. It also made me appreciate the relationship I have with himself.

My “problem” is my period often makes me like a dog on heat. It starts off on a Emo day and I know it’s on it’s way, sore tits and the grumps, talk to me that day and I’m likely to blub, it’s only one day a month of otherwise good emotional stability, I consider myself lucky.  Two days later and hey! Surprise surprise, lets head to the supermarket for the monthly supply.

From then on the urge to orgasm gets stronger and stronger, if left alone by the time the curse has gone I am wound up enough to go on the rampage! As a respectable member of society it’s the responsible thing to try and do something about my raging horn at least mid period, knock an edge off it, so to speak.  After living through this a few times I know my options well.  The easiest option is of course wanking, truly the least satisfactory option, a solitary, sultry, sneaky wank might be the most desirable course of action at other times of the month but not then, that would be too easy… Wanking each other is far more fun but again, smooths the edge slightly, not enough.

The second option is to get on with it anyway, I’m no less sexy to him, apart from the odd pimple perhaps but let’s face it ladies, with an understanding partner it is of course fine, messy yes but still enjoyable. However, the chances are if you are like me, you are not comfortable enough to even consider it an option! He gets that look in his eye and I watch his not insubstantial BFF getting it’s own ideas and he gets told firmly that he’s not shoving that in my pussy! No Sir! Bugger OFF!!

Which brings me neatly to option three. The sweet one, the one that hits the spot, knocking all kinds of edges into a diamond cut.  Himself often calls me his par 3 girl. Don’t worry, I had to refer to the mecca of wisdom on all sex slang phrases myself.  Urban Dictionary has quite a lot to say on the subject of Par and of course we all know this is the WORD.

Three Hole Par
When you shag a girl in the mouth, the pussy and the arse.
He took his cock from her mouth and placed in in her pussy. After a while she said she was ready and he gave her an anal ride, completing his three hole par

…and as they say ‘two outta three aint bad.’  and somehow, anal sex is far better at that time of the month then at any other time.

Orgasm Envy!

I’m not a jealous person. Sometimes I wish I were because as a writer I often feel it would be handy to feel such a strong emotion, from a descriptive point of view. No, I’m pretty laid back, I get twinges of envy like everyone does, when someone says “I’m going to lock myself in the garden room at the bottom of our six acre landscaped garden and quietly write, I have an Italian espresso machine in there…” I mean – who wouldn’t! But jealousy no, not really. I think to myself, I expect they earned it or I convince myself quiet thoroughly usually that what I have in my cramped corner of Blighty is actually all I need to be happy.

Until someone starts knocking on about their orgasms… You know the ones.

“We fucked for 3 hours and I had 8 orgasms!!” Eight… twinges of envy start arising and the conversation in my head starts getting louder…

“She had eight orgasms! He must be good, what was he doing to her? She must cum easily lucky cow, I bet it was awesome, perhaps they are not very big ones, perhaps they just chip away at her horniness, I wonder if she feels sated at all? Hmmmmm.”  and so my surprised expression turns to one of doubt and then a frown as I convince myself not to be jealous.  I guess it’s a survival thing.

The thing with orgasms is we just can’t experience each others to know if we are missing something or not! I mean Mrs.Eightinthreehours might not have as much pleasure as I do with my intensely built up, mentally and physically incapacitating, overwhelmingly, body wrackingly, often multiple, huge ones… The most I’ve ever experienced in 3 hours is two of those and I thought I might sleep for a week! I don’t sound very convinced do I? So I suppose I have to follow the route of ‘you are better off not knowing’ and just enjoy them as often as I can.

And then again I get days like yesterday and today when my brain tells me I’m hot to trot and even after four screamers the edge of my horniness is still cutting like a carving knife, my body responds to every touch but because it’s still quaking from the last orgasm all of 3 minutes ago I can’t go there…  Then I must admit I’m jealous of Mrs.EightinThreehours because I’m feral and insatiable and and and it’s just not bloody fair!!


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I’ve been reading Molly’s Pussy Pride entries, which are like their owners I suspect, all different sizes and appearances.  I thought I’d jump on the band wagon, even though I have written about my ‘train wreck pussy’ before.  My previous post was might have been a little bit on the sarcastic side, I do suffer from that, even if my point at the end was valid. I may not of made it clear of my true appreciation of this particular piece of my anatomy.

Since May 13th I have been happily refering to my pussy as ‘my own personal train wreck’  it has ceased to worry me that it might be bigger and messier than some because of the pleasure it gives me.

The first time I can remember having an orgasm I must have been about 6, I was in my bed idly fiddling as kids do and pow! What a revelation! Since then I have happily wanked my way though my life. I’d like to point out that I have no problems with wanking – I love it, nay, I’m a bit of an addict,  it seems my last post was misinterpreted by some – my fault intirely, I’m the writer… I feel no shame in wanking at all.

My pussy has fairly large lips.  They are very sensitive and feel incredible when teased, nibbled or licked.  I can take that treatment for hours, unless I’m on a feral day. The outer lip wall protrudes slightly too, which also loves being stroked, even pinched sometimes.  Inside, my g-spot is fairly obvious if you know what you are feeling for, the skin is rougher to the touch and flatter, it has a bounce to it as you press it, feels a bit like a mini trampoline 😉  My clit is fairly well hooded but once teased out it doesn’t hold back in helping me achieve earth shattering orgasms.

My pussy changed so much after having my son, obviously cutting and forceps are never going to leave your anatomy as it was (I can almost see all the chaps cringing out there and all the ladies nodding in empathy) but I never realised how much better sex would feel once I healed, she’s so much more sensitive all round and the other half can push in so much deeper *drifts off* mmmmmm.

She is immensely well treated.  It’s the only area of my body that I will regularly go to a beauty salon for. I might get my nails done once a year and I’m toying with the idea of leg waxing… but the Brazilian is a fixture, every 6 weeks  hot wax, ouchie time – worth every penny, turning the 70’s porn star look into a silky soft haven of pussy purrrrfection.

She also has her own personal collection of toys, my beloved glass vibe, the rampant rabbit with it’s vibrating balls which is fucking wonderful but only really good for knocking the edge off my horniness (I think I might have broken that actually *sniggers*) and my bullet.  I also have a selection of other toys but perhaps that should be saved for a different post….
Pussy Pride

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Do I Deserve Absolution for my Sin?!

I’m feeling a little guilty so I thought I’d try and confess my sin (rhetorically and with a splash of sarcasm if you please), it seems a popular thing to do at the moment and I know you will forgive me. (Although I expect to have to jump through a few hoops and say some dirty words of absolution…)

Firstly, I’d like to say in my defense it’s the holiday here. I am a woman who clings to her head space like a junky clings to their dealer.  Without my weekly pockets of quiet I can not be me, I can not be productive, I can not write… You get the picture right? This has been a tough week. The smalls are at home and so is the OH.

So what is the problem? I miss wanking…. I MISS WANKING!!!! 

There, I got it off my chest and last night I just got off, on my own, very quickly but immensely pleasurably because I just needed a solitary bit of self loving.

Because it’s NOT THE SAME as having sex and NOT THE SAME as being wanked (although I do so love a good finger fuck – another post perhaps) and that is what was required last night for my sanity.  But I still feel guilty because the OH is a horny sod and he would have been jumping up and down to ‘help out’ if it was just an orgasm I required…

Shucks *hangs head in shame*

Feel free to dish out some punishment so I can atone for my sin 😉

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