I’ve been asked;
Is it the thought of sex or sex itself that is more powerful for you?
It’s an intriguing question, one which I have spent a fair amount of time considering.
The thoughts of sex?
I do think about sex a lot, sex and entanglement, of emotion, of desire. The flirtatious firsts, kissing, touching, words spoken, body language, the unwritten signs, sexual chemistry. The inner workings, thought patterns, lack of thought patterns. Deeper still; the movement, texture, smell, sound. At some point during everything I write I pause and think, what is she thinking, did he like that, is this working…
What turns me on, what turns me off…
Scenarios of sex play through my mind, stories need to brew until they over boiling from my head. I actually find it hard to write to a prompt or on a specific day, for personal reasons writing erotica on a Friday or at the weekend is much harder for me. Which is why I try extra hard to join in with the prompted time related writing – it’s the masochistic streak in me.
Words fill my mind, I find a lot of writers don’t read, to a degree I’m guilty of that too, I have my favourite blogs that I try (and usually fail) to keep up with, they are not all erotic blogs, often human interest – people intrigue me, will she, won’t she, has he? These thoughts are ultimately about sex (or money.)
I have a deep passion for carefully constructed seductive words. If I find an erotic writer who articulately expresses their writing in a way that makes my mind reel and body react I will read everything they write. Words go through my head and my body follows. The way to my passion is through words. I appreciate their danger like so few others.
Thoughts of sex are extremely powerful. In my head sex is exciting and positive, enthralling and beguiling. Nothing ever turns me off because I won’t let it happen, it’s all rose tinted and perfect even when it’s messy and squelchy, dirty and nasty – it all flows perfectly.
Is fabulous, it contains everything my kookie mind dreams up because I do like putting my thoughts into actions, my other half is open to suggestions but to be honest he is just as good at coming up with ideas and feeling how he goes as I am.
Putting him aside for a moment and considering the question from the angle my friend wanted to know about.
Sex actually can be hard to get right, so many things can let you down. New partners although exciting a prospect do not flow like holywood movie stars, not everything will click, whilst this can be fun to fathom out it can also be difficult if you don’t know how to communicate your need, how do you say ‘actually that isn’t working’ in the full throng of fellatio ;-0
Someone says the wrong thing, misinterprets your mood, bodily functions interrupt the atmosphere. There might be too much light, not enough light, the music isn’t getting you off, you drank too much, you didn’t drink enough!
As I have said before, I’m a Venusian and things on Venus are much more refined then on Mars, or Earth for that matter, can a woman who dreams of perfect ever expect that to happen in real life with all it’s uncomfortable limb entangled, misunderstanding, farting, coughing, finding a stray pubic hair in your mouth mess that is REALITY??
Well, it has happened so why should it not happen again *smirks*
Now whilst you might think this answers his question and the thought is more alluring then the act I’d like to add that my friend also asked me:
Is the thought of having an affair…. the daydreams… fantasies….. better than the real thing…. in the long run.
and to be honest with you my dear I have no idea… Is having an affair a good idea at all? Would it not be better off being in the open? A consensual arrangement between partners of an acknowledged physical need for variety? In my dreams…
Some would say no. Because of the emotional attachment that seems to get involved, the longing, the desire, the haunting feeling that comes of not being able to have the one person you want. The futility of knowing what you have however good it was before may never be right again, not to mention living with the guilt, the betrayal.
Some would say yes. The thrill of the chase, the adrenaline, the discovery of a new person, the potential of fulfillment….
Sexual utopia for me would perhaps be a place where experimentation with other people is permissive IF the parties concerned were able to separate their feelings from the act, in my experience this is a rare occurrence.
I can’t help thinking that the more I think about sex and having sex, the thought of lovers and being the object of someones desire , of being wanted, held and loved for the sake of the moment the more questions I find I have…
To my friend who asked the question I’d say that any conclusions I may ever reach on the subject – and finding a conclusion is not looking good – would only ever apply to me in that moment. I can’t answer this for you.
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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here
then follow the arrows to the next post
Apparently it’s true…
I’ve got over the angst ridden part of being told I’m not the type to have an affair, it still riles me though, especially the bit about there being a type of woman who does have affairs *stomps feet* and the implication that perhaps I’m not sexy enough or wild enough to do it… *smarts fury* *breathes* and of course since last Sunday I’ve been analysing myself, working it through, trying to see why it might be true – I’m a Scorpio, we do this.
So, what have I discovered?
Well, I stand by my initial diagnosis, with the right man at the right time I could all too easily be attracted to someone enough to have an affair. Although I’m often in despair of what I see in the mirror I’ve always been the type of woman with a bedside manner which demands much nakedness and I’m not adverse to the idea of a new fella seeing my body *quakes* not the right fella… So, I’m physically capable of it, lust driven in the heat of passion with sexy kissing and lovely big hands stroking my skin and fondling my breasts, Mmmmm.
I’m not sure it’s the guilt angle, I’m very good at compartmentalising my life, I’ve always done it, I’m sure if it felt right, it wouldn’t be wrong…
So what changed my mind?
This morning someone told me I’m always putting other people first, caring for people and yes, I have always been a people person. I hate to see others hurt, to think I have caused hurt and I also hate to feel hurt myself, although this does happen in the course of putting others first too bloody frequently. You see the thing is, I’m not sure I could have sex with someone now without feeling some emotional attachment because they would have to be a pretty special kind of man. In my 20’s it was almost all too easy, in fact I always felt I had quite a male approach to sex, positive detachment, it’s served me well. I often sit and snicker to myself at some flash back or other from then, no regrets. 😉 but now I’m not so sure… So my idle fantasies of having lovers are perhaps not as attainable as I’d once thought, even if my partner had agreed. Is it a mind-set I could acquire with an open and honest approach to the situation, should it occur? Because, honestly, if there were someone who was that special, how do you walk away? How do you be that close to them and then stop being with them? Not long to touch them or hold them… Hurt yourself and them over and over by walking away from each other again and again….
It’s hard. Too hard and very hurtful.
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To start at the beginning of my journey on this blog, click here then follow the arrows to the next post
Both Images from Tumblr unaccredited
Apparently I’m not…
There is a man on Twitter who I have met, easy you lot it’s platonic, yes he is lovely and I value his friendship. He said to me that I’m not the type to have an affair… Now you know about Sex and the Needy Woman on respecting my parners wishes etc… and due to circumstances in real life I’ve had cause to give having an affair (which to date I’d like to point out I have not) a great deal of thought and apart from not considering at all that the women who feel the need or inclination are a type, I think I actually could do it, with the right man for the right reasons and circumstances…
How can you say to someone they are not a type to have an affair? How do you know that for sure? Do I have prude or supremely loyal printed through me like a stick of rock? I have a friend of mine, religious? Yes. upright citizen? Yes. Has Children, spends a lot of time in the community and she had an affair! You would never in a million years have thought it!
Yet me.. Little know smut writer with a raunchy tumblr that grown men tell me makes them gasp, is not the type…
And the really bizarre thing about this whole situation? I have NO IDEA why I’m so bothered about this!!!